come & gone

     SO much has come & gone the past few days ... some good, some not-so-good- the bottom line being that it always seems that the more difficult & sad memories seem to haunt us, while the joyful ones tend to fade away with time.  Most significant- was the anniversary of my mom's death.  Even here, I hesitate using the word death .... is sounds less sad somehow to use the word "passing". Though other events having passed lately are potentially far more enjoyable (and plentiful), it's mom being gone that returns to my thoughts on a regular basis. The heaviness of heart pops up at the most unexpected moments and oddly, not in the best of ways. 
     I believe EVERYONE wishes they had just a moment or two longer with a loved one once they're gone.  One more hour, one more conversation ... as do I.  I have so many questions.  Questions that were brushed away long ago, that I would have pushed for answers to if I had but a notion that mom was leaving this world so suddenly.  questions ... that no one else can answer now.  I am working at letting thes things go, with little progress ... but I'm trying.  BUT- it's not just for me that I wish there had been more time!  I wish it even more for my kids ... who adored their granny(& have lost ALL their grandparents now), & for my sisters who feel the hurt deeply, but most of all for my dad who needed to get used to the idea of losing his constant companion before she was torn away from his everyday life.  The 18 mos between events (he has since died) ... was nearly unbearable for him.  SO- I may have not made a big deal about the 2 yr date of her departure, she was in my thoughts- deeply rooted... and while I will never have the answers I seek ... my resolve to put them to rest will win out ... eventually!