our furry boy ...... not sure he wants to ring in the new year

 this is our precious Poki ...
and he's not doing so well.
(popoki is the Hawaiian word for cat)  We adopted him through a feline rescue group approximately 11 years ago... as a 1-2 year old cat at the time.  He was nearly pure white, painfully shy, not purring, and ..... it was love at first sight for the Captain.  As he has matured, the flame point characteristics have appeared and his alpaka type fur is beautiful.  It took him about 5 years to start purring, and virtually all his "routines" are centered around the Captain.  I should probably mention.... he's  s-l-i-g-h-t-l-y spoiled too.
a few months ago, we had him treated for hyperthyroidism, and he was beginning to gain back some of his "needed" weight.  At the time of diagnosis- there were some other concerns as well that the vet couldn't rule out until the thyroid condition was treated ... and those issues are surfacing now.  Once again the weight loss, but this time around ... more noticeable symptoms that have the dr thinking we may be dealing with intestinal lymphoma.  I say "we," because although we know he has to deal with how it makes him feel .... we are dealing with the emotions and decisions that come with deciding on treatment options, quality of life, and his own well being overall.  It's a subject we are (unfortunately) are well-versed in!!)

Our sweet boy has slept throughout most of today, changing locations only once.  He is welcoming the human touch and doesn't appear to be in pain.

His sister Monkey, is confused by his vibe of late.  Upon his initial return from the vet...she hissed at his alien smell ... but subsequently, as he seems to be showing more symptoms .... she is keeping him company (and helping him eat his food too of course)

As if it isn't difficult enough to navigate our own life, with it's incoming and outgoing traffic ... I'm not sure why a big spoonful of ICK has been added to our plate?!    For now, we are making sure he is comfortable and reminding him that he is adored... and trying not to think about what's to come.

It works for a few seconds here & there.

hard questions, easy friends

I'm spending time with week with a couple of longtime/long cherished friends.
We call ourselves the TRIPODS.
yes … there are others wandering in & out of our conversations, puzzle time, kitchen duties … but it is these two ladies that currently have a great deal of my attention.
For  the past several years, we (as couples) have wrung in the New Year together.  Sometimes with festive fanfare and fancy grub … sometimes simple plans and even in bed before the disco ball fell in Time Square … 
but none of that is important.

Our Friendship ….  THAT'S another story altogether.  Important doesn't even begin to scratch the surface.
This year, the camaraderie and love-fest is yet the same as every other year.  The conversations … maybe not so much…. because we all know it could be the last time the 3 of us spend this holiday together.
Imagine that.
We could try to gloss over the severity of that statement…but ultimately, there is a point in every day together when tears are shed or a hug lasts a wee bit longer than normal-  because we know, because we share, because we love …. the "us" that has come to be over the years.
I know they know what is in my heart.  They always have- even before my diagnosis came to be …. but our time together these next few days, will remind us all how precious true friendships are, and how fortunate we are to have shared time and space (and music)!!

I AM ONE LUCKY DAME to have these ladies in my life !!

Christmas miracle recap

Between the LIFETIME & HALLMARK  channels, Christmas cards, get well Ecards, and this time of year in general... there's been numerous  mentions of a Christmas miracle.  Whether this is something one competes for,  earns, or wins via some type of lottery system...I do not know.  But I'm not waiting around expecting it to show up here anytime soon.  My guess is- they are in high demand and low supply.  But if ... Just if ...
I have given it some serious thought a time or two lately and I'm not so sure I would be asking for the  most obvious of miracles in my case.  I WAS wondering what the chances of it being more like a glimpse into the future, allowing me the opportunity to see everyone I love (& particularly those I most adore).. Living a full and happy life.  Seeing the gr kids graduate college and marry, my own sons realize their true passions in life and flourish... that sort of thing.......

I know it's not the typical- but then...we are talking miracles here, and THEY are also not too common!

SUNSHINE on my cheeks and in my soul

as mom Betty used to say- it was "another rotten day in paradise" here.  We've had quite a few of them lately.

TODAY was especially nice .. being kept company by a couple of grasshopper high jitterbugs and their parents- as we marveled through Monarch Grove and outward to the beach.

Besides the contagious level of energy I was surrounded by, the sunshine was a pure source of warmth that may have started on my nose & cheeks (and my rarely UNsweatshirted arms) .... but radiated inwardly to my heart and soul.  I felt (nearly) like my pre-cancer diagnosis self .... for the first time in 5 months.

The smile you see is genuine, and well appreciated by the person owning it.
Namely, me.

For whatever heaven-sent reason ... my routine has been quite likeable of late... and quite missed, I might add.  I have been up past midnight every night for almost a week without need
of a lie-down period during the day.  I have been creative and productive, and goal oriented.  I have been UNweepy as well.

WHY? you ask.
I have no idea.
But I'm going to enjoy it while it lasts ... and with company in numbers adding up every day for the next few ... I am SOOO hoping it does last for at least a wee while.

The grandkids are with us for a few days- following a long discussion about sharing, politeness, inside voices, and getting along with each other.  They sorely miss each other when we take them separately, but often bicker continually when together.
BUT- we did get through this first 10 hours with good vibes & thumbs up from gramma at bedtime for being part of a really good day.  We've sent mommy and daddy home for some couple re-charge time & space- with the hopes that this be the FIRST TIME in the last 3 attempts ... that these little monkeys get to stay the entire time planned.  MY health issues and unexpected ups & downs have forced early returns tooooo many times already and we have much to do & enjoy.

With hope on my part that there are many outings such as today in my future.... and more importantly with this adorable twosome - we will venture forth toward 2014 with as much optimism as we can muster, medicated or not.

There are many who wish this right alongside us, and I would hate to disappoint them !!!

a GORGEOUS day in Pismo Beach !!

pepper on my paprikash please

turns out the spray of pepper across my white t-shirt last night was evidence that my current chemo cocktail IS killing fast growing cells … in this case those cells being my hair follicles!  I've yet to determine why it hasn't affected the facial fuzz I've gained as a result of estrogen lost.  (thankfully it's soft & golden) … someone's idea of humor I suppose.  As I sit in a chemo recliner, waiting for the delayed blood panel results, I ponder my preference for being able to move forward with today's dose, VS my aching desire to have it delayed a week.  OF COURSE, even if that were to happen…. I would then wish (next week) that it HAD been completed this week, because then I would have the week off while I have a house full of company!  Frankly, it's a lose-lose situation.  Did I catch this (so far minor) cold as a result of my weakened immune system, or was my system further weakened as a result of fighting the sniffles?!!  The verdict is due any moment now…...

moments turned sweet memories

I'm snuggled into a queen sized bed aside my hubby who reads intently … something about tomorrow's weather to be sure.  He mumbles a word or two now and again, but unless he turns my way, I assume it's a comment- and not a question directed  at me…. so I type away without giving attention to his words.

I decided I would wander through my dropbox to see if I needed to whittle it down a bit, and, I found myself reliving some of the moments captured.  I noticed in doing so- that sometimes the memory surfaced visually … by way of seeing the "what's next" in my minds eye, while others had a physical response of  a taste in my mouth, a sigh, a tear, a smile.

The moments caught are special or significant to be sure, but the thought behind them is what then brought the memories to "re-life", you might say.  The memories are to be cherished and precious each in their own way.  The reason some of them have come to become moments… perhaps not so wonderful.

In FB chatting with my brother-in-law earlier today- he commented that he was envious of our recent bout of travel & adventure … albeit for not the best of reasons on our part.  And he's pinpointed the reason for this entourage of memory making outings we prioritized our life with.  Diagnosis of a terminal condition will do that….if you're lucky.  I've heard situations where such a sentence has debilitated someone to an extent where they practically withered away instead.  That's not happening here.  I am fighting to hang around for a while, to be sure … but MORE IMPORTANTLY, I am living as much as possible for however long it is possible.  The Captain is making sure of that, even with my occasional kicking and screaming through the expense of it all.

With the naive notion that my initial type 2 diagnosis could be remedied with weight loss and activity, I embarked on a healthier lifestyle shortly after my BIG 6-0 hit the calendar …. low and behold the hard work put into this "plan" uncovered s

something far more serious and … well … deadly.  I suppose I can be thankful that it did so at all, or perhaps I would otherwise be prolonging death VS life at this point.  BUT, I still have my moments of anger and dismay that it's happening at all… why me?
Well …. why not.  There is no scientific why.  That alone pisses me off more than anything.  And yet, it also means I couldn't have done anything to prevent it…. so I can't kick myself in the ass either.  There's no point in wasting my time "what if-ing" !!
SO- instead … I am resolved (somewhat) to wracking up a few hundred moments that perhaps will ALSO become memories for those I eventually will leave behind prematurely. With luck (and a great deal of hope on my part as well) … there will be some moments in print or pic that evoke a giggle, a storyline, likely a tear … but mostly … a memory to hold close to ones heart.

I've had a few firsts these past months, and there are more planned in the near future that I hope to be around for.  There are times when the eventuality of my condition is but a passing thought … times I relish the most because life is not "all about me"  at those times.  I've never wanted life to revolve around me.  I'm more of an us person really.  But the beauty or enjoyment of some of them come not only from the new experience, but with those I experience them with.  Those who have chosen to spend a little extra time with me on this journey.  Those taking time from their own normal lives (oh to have that normal again) …. to be with me.  WOW

Whether it is the general of my army, friends turned more like sisters, sisters building new bridges, or of course my ever present president of my fan club (the captain) …. the time I have left- however much that turns out to be, is a wonderful time for all the moments it builds for me to carry on to where I go next.  I know not what I believe with regard to that…. but if nothing else more dramatic, I can dream about where I've been, what has made me smile & laugh out loud, and the people who have brought me such joy and love in my life.  It's a heck of a ride that I hope last longer than statistics predict.  I'm hoping that purpose so many speak of ….. has yet to be filled, and I have some living left to do!!

Repunzel …. let loose of that hair !

In the early stages of my original chemo regimen … I had things I would say to make myself feel better when reading blood panel or scan results ….  IE:  "well at least my spleen is unremarkable."  And it worked (well, not really, if I'm to be honest)
The one thing that I hung onto (as vain as it sounds) during what now seems like those early days- was that it was unlikely I would lose my hair with the normal PC chemo cocktail.  HOWEVER, not normally lucky by chance- my usual day to day likelihood of life has once again reared it's ugly head to let me know that the thinning that took place a couple months ago, was the LEAST of my follicle worries.  My fur-lined sink is a reminder each morning that my thick, precious, once silky locks… are long in the past and not coming back anytime soon.  With this new treatment, has come the side effect I greatly feared… that of looking ill!
And I hate it.
You can say all those cliche' things about bald being beautiful and looks beauty being skin deep, but the fact of the matter is …. I think it's pretty damn unfair to take my life AND my hair too!  I know that sounds shallow- but it's the best I can do at this moment when I can see my scalp shining back at me!!
HOWEVER …. I have taken the first steps to adorning myself with locks of a different shade & length & style… in hopes that it will put the "character" back into my personality that this cancer has begun to rob me of.
MUCH has been affected by this diagnosis and it's treatments …
my sense of humor, patience, tolerance, dreaming…. to name a few. . . and these are not even generated by the medical issues I face on a daily basis!  If this "plate" I've been handed is a result of what a higher power thought I was capable of handling … then he was sadly mistaken.  When this happens, it happens to relationships and entire families- so FRANKLY, a compassionate person is not going to serve such a meal of judgement. (in my opinion)
AND AFTERALL … since this is MY blog… it is full of MY opinions…. right??

a (nother) love letter to my husband

Family dynamics and the joy of doing it "BIG"

Our Thanksgiving "weekend" started  5 days ago … and it hasn't ended yet.

The festivities began with the trickling in of family members… first within the household, soon migrating to local campgrounds and hotels.  By turkey eve, we teetered on the precipice of double digits and when we sat down for pie noon on Thursday … we numbered 18.  To make a word problem of it (as granddaughter Addy works on her 1st grade homework) … we lost 2 on Thursday evening but as of this evening we are up by 4 ='ing  20!!  It's safe to say that the 20# turkey left little for the midnight cravings I'd envisioned in the fridge… but we have enough side dishes to cover ANY main meal we choose to throw together for a week.  The garage is filled with groceries and ice chests… desserts are fair game 24-7, and the front door is revolving beginning about 9am and ending roughly 11pm- UNTIL tonight, when a poker game or LRC is likely to be our main attraction and all limits are to the wind.
As I document our goings on, there is lasagne in the oven, salad tossed, and garlic bread being basted.  A nerf war ensues outside, a puzzle sits in it's completed glory- centerpiece to the living room, and I am in my craft studio … pondering.
The house is filled with a high decibel noise level and ever-running feet.  The doors have slammed too many times to count.  I have washed loads of dirty towels and mop cloths from fingerprint & footprint cleanups.  The counters sit cluttered and the furniture is in disarray.  There are recyclables in the trash can & trash in the recycle bin.  Toilet seats are left up, faucets left dribbled upon.  Plants have been trampled, yard art toppled.  Dozens of lights are burning at the same time.  I hear belches, and …. (TMI)   I smell cigar smoke and hear washers bouncing off car bumpers.  The teens are texting in lieu of talking.  The aroma of beer lofts heavily in the air.  Shopping bags fill every nook and cranny.  NEW knicks adorn the wood flooring.  Glass top tables are decorated with a collection of cup rings & used napkins.
And there is more to come …. nearly 2 more days of it!!
BUT

…. there is NO PLACE I can think of that I would rather be ….  I am a bit over tired, I am a little edgy from time to time, I've had a few tender moments when I have come to tears…
BUT
This has (perhaps) been the most amazing Thanksgiving I have ever had.  (and I have had a lot of good ones)  I attribute this to my wonderful & supportive hubby who's put up with my anxiety leading up to it and all my family who are THE REASON for this weekend. Everyone has pitched in on so many levels to make it just what it is…..
PRICELESS
I love you, I love you, I love you

luck is in the eye of the beholder... and I am "beholding"

I have never been one to trust in the powers (if you will) of a rabbit foot or horse shoe, etc .... but there are a couple of trinkets that I am RARELY without these days.  Things that I feel lucky to have, not because they bring me luck.
The way I see it ... being diagnosed with any cancer, much less an incurable one- is not a lucky break in any sense of the word.  BUT- not having died from it yet (5 mos), after having taken care of my father-in-law diagnosed & succumbed to the same, less than 2 mos from his diagnosis ... could be considered lucky. Knowing my life will be cut short by some imminent amount of time certainly doesn't seem lucky by measure. But knowing this fact, I can find a little or lotta something(s) to make each day count.  I can live until I die- rather than die before I really finished living!

My sand dollar necklace came with a card noting how each is one of a kind & special in it's unique-ness. My Sister, Cindy, gifted me with it to remind me of that fact.  I put it on that day & it has never left me since.  I especially like that it doesn't tangle with any of my other necklaces that I love wearing daily.
I received this medallion within days of my diagnosis by the person I first told of my suspicions of what turned out to be fact.  I out it in my bra within minutes and wore it to every appointment for the next 3 weeks and upon receiving bad news at or from every test or appointment, I stopped carrying it- til I realized (or decided, as it may be) that it was more about how lucky I am to have such a wonderful, caring, & thoughtful friend & neighbor in my life as Julie is.  She is one of the 2 people I KNOW I can routinely call, text, or email at most any hour if I need moral support or a quick hug.... as they are just a moment away!!
   SO YES- I am beholding to the fact that I am lucky in ways far & beyond winning a contest or catching a foul ball, or even being in the right place at the right time.  I am MUCH LUCKIER than that!!

Disneyland in a whole new light ...

We checked into the hotel and expected the same 2 room suite that we had a couple of weeks ago... but it's current occupant decided to stay an extra night, and we were "assured" we would like this room even more!
I'm not sure about that... but I had to laugh when I found the results of Anthony's busy work!  In HIS ROOM (complete with a full bathroom & TV) ... he had unpacked his suitcase & put his clothes in the drawers.
He put his shower bag in the bathroom, the shampoo & soap on his tub, toothbrush & paste on the counter... lotion, allergy meds, etc laid out strategically.
And as you can see- he set out his PJ's as well.

He moved the side table over to the couch to create his own work space for the homework he'll be doing while kidnapped from school  (is this the sign of OCD, an organizer, a designer, or professional furniture mover??)


Anthony and the Captain (AKA grampa) decided that to get the picture on his Disney pass this afternoon would likely save time tomorrow when we are all raring to get into the park to play... so off they went while I took a nap.  It was a couple hours and 3 miles later before they returned with dinner ... but with a park map & game plan in mind for tomorrow.
My little munchkin is starting to fade now ... resisting as best he can, but not wanting to give up the fight just yet.

This chicklet makes me smile (and cry sometimes) and I know the next few days with him are going to be precious & memorable.

LUCKY ME !!!

make today LONG, tomorrow ... maybe not so much

The Captain ... in his typical nature to please... made today- another one to remember.  With breakfast behind us and the entire day ready to unfold, he suggested  a trolley, a walk, a ferry ride, lunch, window shopping, more walking, another ferry ride, another trolly ride, some additional walking, & a relaxed supper while tucked in our cozy B&B.  Since tomorrow promises to be stressful (to put it lightly), we needed (& deserved) to put it on the BACK burner!!
 IT WORKED
... the weather was dede-lightful, with lunch at the Spinnaker- where we used to dine 3-4 times a year when we lived up this way (& haven't even laid eyes on for at least 7 years!).  This man of mine is a people pleaser to put it lightly- but he will go LONG lengths to ease my pain of mind & body.  WITH A SMILE ON HIS FACE!!

The entire day was wonderful (and he sorta had to talk me into such an active day to begin with)  One thing that we found particularly interesting was the fog that started heading toward SF as we ferry'd across the bay to Sausalito.  At one point, it completely enveloped the towers of the Golden Gate bridge.... and reminded us of "The Fog" ... a movie made in this area ... that looked a LOT like today's weather activity.  It was pretty fascinating to see The City disappear into the massive marshmallow fluff !!
    As for tomorrow.... it may be a great deal more difficult to wave his magic wand & make the real world go away, but I have no doubt that he will try.  But for this point in time, I am    NOT going to let it take up the space in my thoughts (as my sister would say).  I have just finished a short skinny vanilla  latte alongside a couple of mini almond biscotti .... and feeling pleasantly fatigued from a significant amount of walking.  It's a matter of minutes before I connect on FB with my friend & confidante (Lo) ... and then I'll be crawling into bed with the man who tries to make every day count.  We will chat a bit about the day, turn down the lights to read our kindles, then fall into what I pray is a restful & pain free night's sleep.  And tomorrow??  Well ... we'll just wait til it deserves our time & focus.

the perks of sisters being friends

My sisters and I have always routinely kept "in touch" - but my recent diagnosis has stepped up our interaction nearly 10 fold, simply because we all know the time we have left together, is limited.  We talk about it openly, with and without tears via phone, face time, text & email- knowing that there is also another plan to gather in person as well.  We've talked long and hard about how we feel about each other and make sure nothing goes unsaid. Along the way, we have found even more things in common than we realized.  AND I- have learned to ask for what I want, & to be more comfortable with asking for help.  They have encouraged it all along.  They have been at my beck & call numerous times.  They have found MANY ways to show how much they love me and .... they have proven that they are as much my friends as they are my siblings.  This doesn't come as a surprise to be, as I have always considered them so- but I find that they have managed to become part of my inner circle- all at the same time!  The beauty (and perk if you will) of sisters being friends is that there is less sense of obligation.  And now, I am finding- less feeling of guilt when I call out to them.  A couple of weeks ago, my sister Cindy was my sidekick and this weekend, it was my sister Lisa.  When I asked if she would come ... there was no hesitation... just as I found to be the case with Cindy.  And my sister Lindy is already signed, sealed and ready for delivery in a few days.  I know what I ask of them is inconvenient or costly at times and yet- they immediately make the necessary plans so that I am comforted knowing they will soon be with me.  That's not just family... that's a whole lotta friendship happening!  So- with Foo's arrival (Lisa) ... so cometh that which I have given her every year for nearly the past 10.  a moose.  And not just any moose.  A moose of my choosing, in whatever form I deem to be "the one" for each time around.  I've gone as far as moose lip balm, slippers, or carved in wood ... to the adorable fella you see here.  He was named LINCOLN and low & behold- he was quite a hit on their train ride home!!  
    I face an uncertain, drastically shortened life that has brought them to me on a more regular basis, of that I'm sure .... but I can tell you this;  had I asked sooner, they would have come sooner, because that's the kind of sisters AND FRIENDS they are, and I am so much richer, happier, and blessed because of it!!
Sissys unite!  I love you all.  

decisions, deadlines, & dreams

life's simple pleasures aren't quite as simple as they used to be.  I've never denied being spoiled my the Captain.  when something isn't working, if I can't figure something out, if I need help, the Captain is there... often without even being asked.  but these days- even HE is at a loss to "fix" things.  there are times he shakes his head in dismay, frustrated over the package we've been delivered.  he's remained stronger than I ever imagined possible.  he's a constant source of support and love.  I've had to apologize a few times for my impatience and frustration that I take out on him without intent.  he's got a lot on his shoulders these days.  keeping me as safe & happy as humanly possible seems to be his purpose in life.  his promise to stay by my side in sickness & in health is unwavering and I have to make sure I refill his heart with as many I love yous as I can fit into a single day!  He asks for very little and gives so very much.  there are very few days in these past 17 years that I haven't wondered how I ever got so lucky to have him in my life.
my captain .... you ARE my knight in VERY shining armor!!  I love & adore you.

Christmas is NEXT month!

and I proved it today- by actually talking about it and doing some mental decorating (I have several sets of themed decorations).  The fact that my day & space & thoughts were be co-managed by sister Cindy had a great deal to do with it, as we ventured out for some retail therapy.  The time table & destinations were up to me ... the commentary, outbursts of laughter and driving were Cindy's department ... and 4 hours later, we had a couple reusable bags full off stuff, some household staples and a filling lunch to show for our endeavors!  Though it may appear to be back-tracking, tomorrow we will be talking about Thanksgiving!  We have much to plan, so it's a good thing the clocks are due to be turned back  to allow us an extra hour to do so.  I can't help but hope there will also be some shred of news that will allow that day to truly be a day of thanks..... but we have steps to take before we can even wish.  For now- it's time to pack up the goblins and pull out the gobblers !!  Captain... haul out those decoration boxes for the change over please.

miss you mom ... just not "that" much (yet)

and so it goes .... with a few more travel brochures yet to browse through .... I have yet to pack my things for the journey.  I have another weather report to check on tomorrow.... then we'll know if the price is right.
I love you mom, and I miss you a great deal... but I'm so busy here that I'd hoped to put off the travel for at least a year.  Let me see if there is a compromise of sort that would work out better for all of us and I will get back to you!

today's emotional weather was better than forecasted!

I am 10 months into the 11th anniversary of my 39th birthday, and I JUST met my family.
You can grab your calculator to figure out my age but frankly, it has very little to do with the importance of this day.
And it almost didn't happen.
A few days ago, the Captain and I were invited to a Peachee family gathering.
I've never been to one, though I AM a Peachee.
I was gently urged to attend by the host, my Aunt Betty.... and gently encouraged by the Captain- but I didn't commit to either.
Until this morning.
Once pointed in the direction of Southern Cal, I busied myself with phone calls, magazines, & my IPAD ..... but my mind occasionally wandered off to our destination and I questioned what I might be getting myself into.  Without the luxury of time on my side ... do I need another emotional commitment, and could I even make one at all?  I didn't come up with an answer while on the road, and after spending just under 3 hours with virtual strangers- I was still no closer to an answer.  BUT- the Captain reminded me I didn't need to decide then, or now, or even tomorrow ... because it won't change the fact that they are INDEED family ... and if they are worthy of me, or vise versa .... they will still be family regardless of what I am able to bring to the table (or not)
I can choose to carry the disappointment of not being the chosen daughter, or I can look to these (very gracious) people I shared time with today- as new friends in my life.
And I for one, have always agreed that you can NEVER have too many friends!

family ties

I have never made it a secret that I watch some of the Real Housewives programs.  I'm not a closet viewer, even though I gently justify -when the captain teases me about it.  On rare occasion, there are tender, thought provoking moments.  In a recent episode, a "housewife" went to visit her family.  Candidly, she was a fish out of water.  She claims that she doesn't connect with her Texas planted family, and that she knew when she was in high school that she would not stay in the small town of Waco- and she moved away the day after she graduated.  This woman is a multi millionaire and her family are good ole, down-to-earth boys (r-e-a-l people).  For her, the distance between her life & theirs (speaking logistically) is a relief.  She cares about them (and generously contributes to the local school programs, etc) ... but she doesn't identify with them and therefore, it is a lot of emotional work to be with them.
One can't help but be comparative while watching these programs... and I am no exception.  One of my "excuses" for my semi-addiction to these formats is that they are #1 not r-e-a-l, and therefore ... TOTALLY different from my life, making them entertaining!  In this case ... the idea of removing myself from the lives of my sisters (ie) by thousands of miles (or anything else for that matter) ... is unimaginable to me.  During retirement discussions years ago to move away- the deciding element came down to NOT wanting to be that far away from family, unless we we all had the ability to travel at will to visit each other.  DUH.  The electronic era has provided us with the ability to chat, share, post, blog, and alert at any hour of the day from anywhere in the world (and we have) and rarely a day goes by without communication from one or more of us in different combinations or configurations.  I am thankful beyond words... particularly at this junction in my life ... that we can go without sharing physical space and still be connected at the hip (or heart as the case may be).
ENTER today ....
There is family .... far removed- that is holding out for an appearance from me.  I've yet to come to grips with this new information.  I'm not sure I have the emotional (or physical) strength for what could be a let down or entanglement. I'm looking for a sign of the direction to turn at this crossroad.  Time will tell I suppose (doesn't it always?)
but ... I do believe that water can be pretty thick sometimes.

TRYING to kick summer to the curb!

IN ANTICIPATION ... or perhaps more of a wishful thinking situation ... we have officially kicked off the fall holidays with our "viewing" of Hocus Pocus this evening ... and I am searching for the perfect stew recipe while I'm sitting still!  The evenings have begun to cool ... but not nearly enough for me to feel like autumn has arrived.  But I'm optimistic that it's just around the corner, and I want to be ready!!
I have some medical obligations first thing in the morning, but I hope to then tour the local apple groves and pumpkin patch for a few dozen snapshots!  Then we gotta get back to catch up on all the life that went on while we were on vacation!  I still have a few things to accomplish before I am subject to limited ability!  During that time .. I have a new ukulele to keep me company, and about 40 recorded hours on the DVR!  
RIGHT NOW, I have a few more recipes to jot down!!  Mind over matter... mind over matter

if you could see what I see...

the skies in Hawaii are not often clear at night.  In this climate, there are usually clouds of some type 24/7.  My comment to the Captain as we were watching 6 ays 7 nights- was that "the skies are NEVER full of stars like that".  (it was filmed on Kauai)
I was wrong.
At 5:40 this morning, the sky was black as coal... and magnificently sprinkled with diamonds of the finest quality.
hundreds of them.  WOW ... audibly, I murmured the word.  and again WOW.
I stood at the railing in awe of something I have never seen before, and might never see again.  At this hour, in this place.  It was dead silent, save for an oversized wave break.  Even the roosters seem to be mum in it honor.

And now, as the impending sunrise pulls gently at the darkness ... the stars are fading and a golden glow begins to spread... slow like honey.  The sounds of morning begin to pierce the serenity of my lanai. A pretty little bird song that I hear only in the early morn, the occasional passing car.  Smells are rising from lower units ... breakfast aromas are over-riding the dewiness.  In the distance I see lights of a tug heading into the bay, a breeze is forming-urging the palm trees to sashay from side to side, and my coffee (choc-coconut) has cooled.

It is my final day here on Kauai .... within a couple of hours, the day will turn to hustle & bustle.  I will be rubbing elbows with others who's time in paradise has come to an all-too-soon ending.  I, am lucky enough to be "going" to another paradise.  My beach house.  My paradise in a sweatshirt.  The place where I will find welcoming pets, FEOTS and a very comfy bed!!

ALOHA sweet Kauai.... for now.

working at relaxing ASAP

within a few days, I am (so) going to wish I was doing this .... 

It's the way I have spent more days than not for the past 3 weeks.  I was not bored, I did not feel guilty.  I relaxed!  (and I was really good at it)

TODAY, my routine has been a bit different.  It was time to figure out how to get back onto the suitcases.  2morrow is departure day, and we do NOT want to spend our last morning rushing to get out the door on time.  2 boxes have been shipped home, with another packed up that will be used as our 2nd carry on... since I am now hand carrying my sa-weet ukulele on to the plane.

AS OF 30 minutes ago... I am officially done, with the exception of those minor things that have to go into the cases in the morning after our toiletries are completed, and the Captain is off to the beach for his last paddle boarding outing of this trip.  Upon his return, we will round up the leftovers to figure out what to "call" dinner ... and toast to our trip's completion with a customized mai tai.  As the evennig comes to an end (with me likely in a bubbled tub), I will likely be a bit overwhelmed with thoughts of what I am leaving and where I am heading .... feeling weary and    sad.  I have, before, been far more ready to go home than this.  The circumstances were much different then.  For now, I shall enjoy, and perhaps even relish in the few waking hours I have left here.

Adulthood, the third time around

As the remaining female in the household when my mom would roll out of bed around 4:30am to go to job #1, I was the one who would arouse my brothers (then 5 & 11), to make sure they ate breakfast & were out the door and off to school on time.
I was 8.
My younger brother was agreeable & easy to mother.  My older brother was less so, and I often found myself finishing up his chores before bedtime (when mom was at job #3), so that she wouldn't be upset or doing them herself instead of sleeping.  Between he & I, the TV watching was controlled on alternate days, but I often found myself giving in to him, rather than pushing & shoving over it, without a parent there to referee.  I was not a lazy child, so the house & laundry was kept up as best I was capable of.  Mike was much too young to do more than pick up his own toys and Steve was ... well, busy being Steve.
When I was 11, my mom married EEZ (that is how his bowling shirts were monogramed.  It wasn't long before I was calling him dad because he treated this instant family as if we were his own!  I had not been a child since I was just past 4, so this was a welcomed, albeit not a recognized change at the time.  Within months, along came a set of twin girls and I was mothering again.  Steve was solidly into his teen years and off doing boy things, & Mike was living with his birth father.  A year later, along came the 6th & last sibling, and my job was multiplied out of household need ... for another  6 years.
Shortly out of high school, I was married and beginning adulthood #2.  At 18, even if you are totally responsible and taking care of yourself, it's expected that you will make mistakes.  "You're young", they say.  I didn't make many mistakes, because I'd not been young for a very long time.  In the following 13 years, I had 2 kids- a house with all the trimmings, a solid job, a travel trailer, numerous new cars.... and a divorce.  (then I spent a few years making up for lost teenage years by making a lot of mistakes, including another marriage that cost me heavily. and made adulthood a more difficult than ever)
FINALLY, round abouts my early 40's ... my 3rd and final adulthood came a'knockin'.  I turned my life around (pretty much starting over, but resigned & dedicated to moving forward).  I had more than I started with as a young newlywed- I was smarter, stronger & more assertive toward what was fair & just... but also old enough to know I had a long way to go to catch up to where I should be at 40!  This adulthood started off with a lot of hard work and hard knocks, but has paid off in hearts & fairy dust.  I won't say it's been all sunshine & roses (particularly at the moment), but it has been and continues to be an amazing ride.  I used to think I arrived here at this place in my life because I had been thru a lot of crap, but a dear friend & I were chatting last night and wondering if I landed in this dream of a life that started in 1996 ... because I was  "destined" to be going thru the big C ... and may lose it all too soon.
Who knows.
The bottom line at the moment is that I need to enjoy what I DO have and not dwell on what is to come (or not).  As an adult, (and more acurately as ME) that is not easy.  I am one for preparing & planning & thinking ahead.  I (sort of) have to stop doing that, cuz it takes away from my TODAYS !!  This is my final adulthood and I think I have done a fabulous job (with some help of course)
THUMBS UP for the princess.

kitty katastophy of Kauai

on our photo outing today (thank you for indulging me Captain) we headed out to the Ahukini Landing ... it's the location of a port for shipping sugar off the island.  (early 1900's)  While the majority of the cement supports still exist .... they are slowly breaking away as well.  A walkway along a portion of  it has been maintained- probably to allow it to be a tourist attraction (we saw a bus arrive while we were there).  But the views out toward the ocean and jetty are positively breathtaking. It's a rough, rocky area- not safe for swimming or watersports ... but the colors and wave music are wonderful!

This is the first time we have noticed any critters out here other than chickens.  At first we noticed a single scrawny guy wandering  about the rocks.  We tried to entice him over for a conversation, but he was skittish.

As we made our way around the crumbling pier, we noticed another, and another, plus a chicken here and a chicken there (and more amongst the tall grasses) and it seemed every time we turned around, there was another cat or kitten peeking out or wandering about.  Last count was roughly 9 or so, but what we found interesting was the

variety!!
     If we were to guess... it would be that someone left a litter there at some point and as time has passed... they have bred amongst themselves... creating all sorts of interesting markings. (and more feral cats of course)  They were living in close quarters with the chickens, and it was obvious that there have been some disagreements at times...
    THIS is not unusual for the island, the populations of both species are out of control- BUT, for today ... it was a photo op to add to our Kauai folder of memories.  (and made us miss our own kitty kats at home)

why did this chicken cross the road ??

It's difficult to say ...
Watching them ... they don't often look like they know what they are doing.  Their heads jerk from side to side erratically as if that 3rd cup of Kona coffee put them over the top!  They peck, they flick, they mumble constantly.  Are they talking to themselves?  or chatting with others unseen?  Are they talking about us ??  (like those ladies in the nail salon)  who knows ..... certainly not I

 PERHAPS .... he noticed this lovely young couple a few feet away and was interested in an autograph .... or more likely, a handout!

I'm thinking it's more likely (and certainly more intelligent) that he is interested in a better view of the falls.  Although, chickens are not known to be to be particularly smart..... so .....

Let me give up on this mind bending question and just go about my day... hoping that someone else can sort this all out.

After all, I'm on vacation!

Tears of longing

I cried last night
A tub full of tears
Well, actually in a full tub, I cried.  It the time my brain slows and reality arrives
Longing
Longing for the things  I love most
Family, friends, home, music, my own pillow
Longing for things I will have very soon, but not for as long as I would like
Longing
I can sometimes go for days without really thinking about it, but still it's there...in a whisper
in a pang of discomfort, in the need for a nap, in a plan regarding next year
It's there.  It never really goes away, it just has less control of a moment ..... or two
I wonder, I wish, I weep
but most of all....for now........ I live, and love, and appreciate.

the face of paradise

THIS is the look of relaxation.  THIS is the look of a laid back disposition.

 THIS is me.  Feeling the vibes of Hawaii in the way I have ever since I started coming here with the Captain and his parents.

EVEN THOUGH I had been to the islands 3 times prior to that ... it was NEVER totally relaxed or laid back, and I can't say I ever actually felt the island vibes.  They were just a nice place to visit.  But the island girl within me was awakened in 1998 when they were re-introduced to me by people who loved this place, who felt this place, who relished being here.  From that visit- it has been part of my soul,  and my heart has grown fonder yet over the years.  From the moment I am touched by it's warm breezes, I am possessed.  I am mo betta.  
And so- already 2/3 into our trip ... I am practically a noodle, albeit a carmel colored one.  I hear the chants in my head, keeping time with the waves and the roosters.  I feel the sand under my feet, even when I am yards from the beach.  And I feel the presence of Betty & Bill.... 2 people I could not have loved more if I had been born into the family.  They are ALOHA to me, and it lives on through my sweet Captain who is his parents' son and ... most thankfully ... my husband!  Mahalo for this life.

it's not ALWAYS about the toes ... (just mostly)

someone commented on a FB posting of mine, that I must like my toes, since I often post pictures of them.  It's one of those instances where what one sees when taking a picture is not necessarily what another perceives when viewing it.
I whole heartedly agree that I commonly snap & post photos of my feet.  PLEASE note, that they are always in a "relaxed" position and usually wearing my favorite shoes ... which is none-at-all!  I see them as the fore-drop of my environment at that moment in time, rather than a picture of my feet.  BUT .... let me also mention here, that I have taken FAR MORE pictures of flowers over the years ... so my footsies play a distant 2nd fiddle.
That being said - I have inserted a greater number of pics than usual in this particular blog post because I have been remiss in my publishing responsibilities, and a lot has been going on!!  SO though my norm is generally to focus in on one topic or snipit of time ... I am breaking out of the mold, to catch up !!
I have continued my quest for flowers that speak to me ... and that is not likely to change any time soon.  I click off  FAR

MORE photos than I keep (thank gosh for digital!!!)- but if you are not into flora .... then some posts with be a visual "blah-blah-blah" for you.  Regressing a bit- I will NEVER post a picture of my feet if I am not in a good place physically, emotionally, or mentally- so if you see my feet, you can bet, it's a GOOD day!  Having said that, I would like to officially thank everyone who commented about my finger being in the FB pics I posted yesterday.  Using my phone as a (dare I say) "camera" makes it soooooo easy to do that, but honestly, I did NOT preview what I was posting (#1 excuse), I was out in the BIGHT sunlight & couldn't see the screen very well (#2)

and .... (#3 & final) .... with a display the size of a business card- I'm not sure I would even notice the flesh colored personal accoutrement anyway!!  OILWELL.  I relished the half hour I was totally alone at the pool, and even afterward when only 1 other person arrived (nice lady).  I swam a few laps which felt great, daydreamed uninterrupted, & captured my surroundings on my phone.  what's not to like?
Low & behold ... shortly before we left home, we found out that sister Cindy's partner in work-crime (so to speak) was also due here a few days after us, for a valuable (too few) days of TOTAL relaxation with his wife Barbara.  They set up a time/place in advance to meet us for dinner & we spent over 2 hours talking story & celebrating BOTH the Lee anniversary (28 yrs) & the Irwins' #14 !!  The food was wonderful, the company very comfortable & the atmosphere at "Tidepools" restaurant quite lovely!!  It was an unexpected pleasure and we are likely to return there ourselves on subsequent trips back to Kauai!! (note to self)
Of course our trip has NOT been without a bit of shopping (duh .. the Captain came with me).  Already listed as a must before arriving was a peek at the Harley shop for a new T (or 3).  Mission accomplished, along with one for the Capt's brudduh.

The Captain is often the instigator for a shopping excursion ... and this time it took much of the day with it's primary target being our grandkids.  They love receiving mail... so an actual package is frosting on the postal cake!!  We made good use of flat rate shipping and their individual boxes were stuffed!  The rule being- if you can get the box shut ... it doesn't matter how overstuffed it is (YAY)  The kids love ANYTHING we send ... but it still takes us hours to decide what it should be!!
FOR THE FIRST TIME since mom & dad both stopped coming with us (or vise versa to be more correct) - we shared our home away from home.  This being our good friends Marlo & Helena Beltrano.  Our 10+ yr friendship has bonded above & beyond expectations, as they have proven to be easy travel companions.  After our first week (just the 4 of us), their adorable daughter

Gabby flew in, and they moved into a separate unit to allow more privacy for all ... but we have continued to spend most days & meals together, as their departure is coming up quick (it seems).

We will then have 6 full days as a newlywed couple, and as much as I love sharing "our" Kauai with friends or family ... I cherish the lazy togetherness that we experience during that time.  We do very little driving on those days (or cooking either for that matter) .... it's time on the warm sand for me- reading, wading, journaling, walking, napping, (these days even some texting).  For the captain ... it's hours of water play.  Some snorkeling, some exploring, and lots and LOTS of paddle boarding !! (need you ask?)
We now stand at day 10 with more to open than have already closed.  There is still much to look forward to and yet ... when the time comes to pack up and leave ... we will look forward to being home as well.  HOW MANY people can even say that?  We are lucky in love, lucky in vaca destinations,  lucky to adore where we live & lucky in other ways too numerous to count!

Ken and the three webers ....

Once upon a time, there was a haole who travelled north in search of fire.  He set out on his own ... into the unknown, with a mission.  Those he left behind were worried when they heard from him a short time later ... as he had yet to succeed in his quest.
Lo & behold, with time and patience... he found that which he needed- the fire that would cook the meat to feed his family.  Well, almost.  At the first stop with much effort, he tested and probed but it would not ignite.  And so he moved on to the 2nd source, and at his insistence ... it brought him heat ... but not enough.  FINALLY ... after much exploration and determination... he came to the spot that was just right, and he was able to bring forth the most delicious of tri-tip for those of us left behind.

paradise is more than just in our hearts

life is rough (for someone) and I gotta say ... I am glad we are taking up the slack for anyone too busy with life to stop and smell the roses!  I NEVER hesitate to slow down long enough to appreciate "the moment".  I've been doing it for a long time now (and I'm pretty darn good at it)  Even my CAT stops and smells flowers we have around the house (that's how I know she's MINE)  Today was spent sight seeing, with the Captain in his professional element of tour guide.  It showered off & on throughout the day ... but it kept a few people off the road and we loved it!  NONE of us were worried about melting .... and it often gave way to some unusual cloud formations that were awarded with oohs & ahhs on our part.  The Beltranos are easy traveling companions, they are no more worried about timing or destinations bound for than we are .... making each day relaxed and comfortable.  Most of our time today was spent in the Hanalei area & at the Kilauea Lighthouse, with a late lunch out and Lappert's ice cream for dinner (?)  Time to pack it in ... to prepare for a day at the beach tomorrow!

unanswered questions ...(some never asked)

In a recent blog post, I announced (?) that I had been notified that my birth father had passed away.  I few days later (after I responded to the family with condolences) .. I got a letter from my birth aunt (is that a real term?)
She apologized for me probably not even knowing who she is.  Although I believe I may have met her briefly in 1970, she's entirely right ... I don't know her.  I don't know anyone on that side of the family! And she's right when she states in her letter ... it's sad.  I'm not sure how to progress from here ... or if it's even my choice to do so or not.  I responded to her letter out of both courtesy & curiosity.  I have questions, perhaps she has the answers.  She may be the only person who does, and I told her I hoped she could provide me with them ... if she chooses to stay in contact.  Right now, she is the ONLY link to a family I have not been part of for 90% of my life. I know practically nothing about them & this could be a can of worms.  Time will tell.

the 2nd time around ...

I cannot tell a lie ... this is NOT fun!  In fact I should be a little more direct by saying it's a miserable way to spend more hours of the day than not.  But it is not without purpose.  Or so I'm told.  I would have to think that in order to feel this yucky - this 2nd round of chemo premium grade MUST BE doing something.  But what?  demolition?  I hope so.  It is ... easier (so far) than the first time around ... I admit, but unpredictable.  The fleeting moments when I  a-l-m-o-s-t  feel good are difficult to appreciate because they come & go without much warning, and yet .... if I don't find some solace in them ... the war will have it's victim without much of a fight.
I have joked about being less than lucky when it comes to winning contests, or raffles.  I proclaimed that if there were 1- prizes and only 9 participants, I would still lose!   And yet ... low & behold ... in the cancer lottery ... who comes up with the winning(?) ticket?  Yours truly.  Yippee .... NOT!  I have yet to go through the "why me" angle of figuring this thing out.  Frankly, what difference would it make anyway.  But it is a burning question within me of "why now"?  I didn't need it to put my life back on track, to remind me of what I have to be thankful for, to remind me to stop & smell the roses.  I was already doing all of that.
I don't expect any answers .... because I don't believe there are any.  It just gives me the occasional pause to ..... ponder.

the F word in all it's glory ...

as anyone who knows me would attest to- I do not use or appreciate the use of "the F word".  TODAY- I found the exception to my preferences.  While I agree ... there are times when it's use is not a shock or surprise (war movies, etc) ... I could happily live out my life without ever hearing it again.
HOWEVER ....
It was used (with apology) today by my surgeon ... and I actually laughed at it's impact to the sentence.  It was in reference to the cancer residing in me, and what he hopes the chemo will do to it. Let that be enough to explain that SOME TIMES- there is a time & place for even the crudest of words ... even for a prude like me!
Thanks Howie!!

tears for one (perhaps) undeserving ...

I have wondered on more than one occasion, what I would do with this information.  Fact is- I wondered if I would even be notified!  I have issue with some of the declarations written here .. but then, is there any point to even care?  
With ONE exception-  in 1970, I was ALWAYS the one to reach out.  to call.  to announce.  to send cards.  to make invitations.  ME.  
And, as if I had not been ignored often & long enough ... I did so again about 7 years ago after a 20+ yr absence and was again dismissed.  (cordially & quietly, but none the less ... pretty much ignored).
I will likely send a card or letter.  I will likely extend condolences.  Because that is who I am.  But attend a gathering to "celebrate" a life I was not a part of .... no.  I would not be welcome in his death anymore than in his life, and no one would likely notice.
It's a chapter I no longer have to wonder what if or maybe when.  
HE was the one who missed out & if he can rest in peace with that fact, so be it.  
I can.

ANOTHER pondering (because THAT'S what I do)

I am spending ANOTHER evening, after another afternoon, after another morning ..... on my beloved lanai.  I have always spent far more time out here than the Captain .. but not until these past few days ... have I been joined by so many people- enjoying so many consecutive meals- for so much accumulative time.  The weather ... being particularly accommodative ..... played a big part to be sure ... but it also allowed all of us to be together in a space where we could all be part of a common conversation, or ....  view of life.  And "life" was a big subject around here, as you might expect!  It was common for most or all of us to show up for o'dark hundred coffee in Foo's motorhome out front ... then trail in as the sun rose enough to light the day... to shower, or transition from PJs to whatever was appropriate for the day's scheduled activity. Breakfast quickly found us migrating to the lanai and from "central command with a view" .... much of the day was spent, planned or pondered by one or all.  As the day wore on, umbrellas or shades were utilized and activities would adjust according to the air temperature or the level of energy present.  This lanai was host to .... a LOT of good food .... a LOT of good conversation...... a LOT of recycled memories.... a LOT of laughter.  
As of this evening, only one house guest remains (and departs tomorrow), but at this moment .... I am in the company of a babbling fountain, a cool breeze as soft as alpaca, and a black velvet sky scattered with stars.  Sis has shuffled off to her outdoor apartment, the Captain has headed to ready the bed for slumber (accompanied by his feline helper), and Monkey has curled up on the rug inside the doorway ... her patience worn so thin, she's fallen asleep.
I am reminded of many other moments such as this ... with the setting the same for me .... but a mindset that assumed that nights like this would be endless in number.  To say these simple pleasures have more significant meaning to me is an understatement the size of Texas .... I'm thankful that I have NEVER taken them for granted .... and that I do have quite a few more ahead of me, even if no longer available on the "all you can eat" menu!
ahhh, the life.  how sweet it is!!

as the childbirth pain becomes a distant memory ... I find time to ponder!

these past 5 days .... the REAL recovery from chemo #1 seemed to finally be taking place, & was not unlike the year or so that passes when new mothers forget what the pain of childbirth was like.  To be perfectly honest (and what's the point otherwise?), there was MORE than one occasion during days 1-5 when when I thought I might be in a place well known as "hell".  It was brutal.  I felt little or no hope at times and my days not only lacked the light at the end of the tunnel ... but the entire tunnel itself!  I was not happy, and most sad of all .... I was far from being ME!  Enter day 6 when the glimmer of life finally started creeping back into my life, and though I was FAR from considering child #2 (so to speak), I was a least open to the discussion of one .. some day.  Having SINCE spent the past 4 days with all or a combo of these females ... the agony of childbirth is beginning to further diminish.  Having already made some changes in "the game plan", I have a bit over a week before consenting to chemo impregnation and I'm confident it will be a thumbs up when the time comes.  Besides lowering the dose, we (the Capt & I) will be going into cancer parenthood with a keener sense of what happens & what needs to happen, & our expectations will be more in check.  
THIS was a great mix of female minds & interests that kept me nurtured, pampered, emotionally elevated and ... well.... LAUGHING!  The 6 of us haven't been together like this in a long while (and we SKYPED a 7th), and it was a great, GREAT span of time that was (I think) appreciated by everyone ... not just the "C-girl".  I adore you all & am so grateful that you chose to spend this time with me!!
pictured .... Dionna, Alex, Cindy, Me, Foo, & Sow
AND LET ME ADD ... that our cabana boy did NOT let us down.  We had drinks & desserts on demand.  Tours, lectures, & girly time that meant the world to us.  Thank you Capt!  I love you.
I LOVE YOU ALL !!

life by the numbers

100 numbers are all around us.  like it or not.  6:30  They rule our day and our decisions  160 no matter how hard we try to "pretend"  WE are in control, it is those numbers ... often  ever elusive.  demanding.  bossy.  2-3  ... teasing ... snickering 18.  These numbers, are milestones at times,  but hold us back as well. 1-1  Numbers are often a key factor for rules & laws & requirements & health measures.  65  But too often, they are labels and stamps created 25 to categorize us.... and set limits more likely to fail than succeed!  110/68.  I understand that some people actually need to be told a specific number sometimes (common sense just isn't common enough place in my opinion)  4/4   I also understand that a great many people pay little or no attention to them anyway, but ...
I was thinking the other day (?) that there probably doesn't exist a TOTALLY valid number.  6' "It" had to come from a recipe or formula or calculation of some sort itself.  parameters were set, ranges determines (that, by the way keep changing 39 ... so- how accurate can they be?)  Anyway- back to the thinking part ..... if each time we were presented with a number, 20/20 we took it upon ourselves to gather more information on our own, consult others and then ... found where we, as individuals need to set our own number!   I've kinda been allowed to do that recently.  1st   it's a heady feeling.

a loving bunch of (coco) NUTS

the all American family?
Well perhaps, ONLY in the "American" sense of the word!  A recent (and still memorable) gathering at our place brought together sisters, brothers, grand kids, nieces, nephews, daughters & sons.  With at least a half dozen call to orders ... we finally assembled long enough to set the timer & click off a few shots before they were acting crazy & out of control (again)  When handed props & directed to the pirate ship a few feet away- you can only imagine how "orderly" that photo session went!  THIS family unit used to spend (at least) Thanksgiving weekend together every year, but with career obligations, sporting tournaments, logistical issues, & just plain LIFE ... it's just as easy anymore.  BUT, the beauty of this moment on this day, for this picture ... is that the laughter still rings in my ear, the squeals of joy, the comical remarks, the feeling of togetherness is STILL only a thought (or picture) away!
After the last car departed that evening, tears formed and lingered, and the Capt and I walked into a quiet, serene house- greeted by the kitty cats who had been somewhat scarce during the commotion of the crowd.  We shared a hug & methodically began the mini clean-up chore that comes with foot prints & hand prints, & laundry,  & ... recycling.
Left behind were beautiful bouquets of flowers, shoes, lipstick, and a WHOLE LOT OF LOVE to get us through the next few days!
Family .... priceless.