a large crowd of (mostly) fools ....

yesterday was warm & sunny here in our little corner of paradise.

It was also a Cal Poly holiday and, the second annual gathering of (mostly) immature, inconsiderate, & foolish young people at our local beach. Now- I'm all for enjoying a warm day by the ocean and I certainly don't mind sharing our sand, BUT .... I don't appreciate the majority of our law enforcement services being tied up as a result. (because) There was a lot of drinking, a lot of illegal (and unsafe) parking, & a lot of litter left over upon departure. Emergency services were called out more than once to save someone from his own careless choices. I gotta wonder ... if there is a better way to handle situations like these. Are the parents of under age drinkers being billed for the services required as a result of their drinking? (would they care?) Can we stand at the handful of entrances to the beach ... and send the last few stragglers back down with trash bags to clean up? It would seem we should be teaching our future generation to be more responsible, rather than cleaning up after them (in more ways than one).

I shall now return my soapbox to the closet.

spring (and friendships) continue to blossom

as the dede-lightful weather continues to romance us with it's daily caresses of sunshine, I am also warming up in my heart with the (now) softer relationships with my sisters and the strengthening of friendships that were but glimmers a few weeks ago.
I sit now, perched at my lanai table with a BEAU-tiful breakfast created by my hubby, and I would be foolish not to appreciate all that I take in visually from this spot. ahead in my yard below is 60 feet (+/-) of blooming orchids marching left to right. Some of the stalks reaching up for the warmth of the sun, others leaning over, perhaps, to sniff the fresh cut grass. I'm in no hurry to release nature's portrait ... as I have an emotional connection with these flowers that intensifies when they look so happy, BUT ... in doing so, I am no less pleased looking outward further to the azure blanket of ocean that stretches as far as the eye can see. To my left, is my 2nd backyard- that is, the backyard that I am in 2nd most often. Sometimes I tiptoe down to take pictures of the O'Brien's bloomers, or to sit at their firepit to share conversation & toasted marshmellows ... just yesterday I was there to "borrow" a couple of lemons. I love the pops of blue pottery & yard jewelry that catch the light (and my interest) .... it makes me want to go a- knockin' & have an overdue chat with my soulfriend Julie, who I totally adore ... but my senses are still enamored here for now. My fountain gurgles & giggles and glancing in it's direction on my starboard side, I admire the R,W& B of Pa's flag against the cyan sky. Joggers, cyclists, dog walkers are out & about in celebration of another day to appreciate. another gift of time. And AS IF all of this was not enough to be thankful for ... my thoughts turn to our evening of last, with Chris & Ken .... time shared still in it's early stages, but proving to be something we know will be happening again & again. People who can laugh out loud. People who appreciate life's ups & downs for the experience & humor it brings each day. We hosted a simple supper & I made triple fudge cupcakes with merangue toppings. (almost to the recipe) The Captain fired up his 25 yr old blow torch for the final touches! SO- YES, life has something good to offer EVERY day if we let it ... and boy do I try to let it every chance I get! I think I might linger here just a little while longer .... even though I have finished off the last morsel from the pretty yellow hand-me-down plate I brought home from one sister .... even though I have only a few sips left of my coffee ... in the Starbucks cup I received from another. My heart is full of joy at this moment from all the sensory triggers I'm experiencing and I want it to flourish & multiply. ahhhh .... it's good to be me. (fluff & all)

a birthday antonym (for 3/22)

come visit me, please......

the birthday bunny told me ....

some people handle the celebration of their birth better than others. there are those who bury their heads in the sand, and others who whoop & hollar to the sky. THIS "young lady" falls somewhere in between.

AND BECAUSE she is so smart, & funny, & beautiful, & thoughtful and best of all- my friend .... I can't let the day go by without a little cheering from me- for the day she was born!!

SPRING dun sprunged here

here-bouts in paradise .... our trees & bushes and flowering plants don't pay any attention to the calendar. They be a-bloomin' whenever they darn well please. I admit that they are a bit more festive this time of year ... but only because they seem to like natures watering over mine!! Mom Betty would be so proud of her little "babies" ... they have almost tripled since they moved here!

I'm having trouble getting out of my fur coat!!

because there is a certain puddy tat ....
that just doesn't wanna leave my side! Even with the chilly weather lately, she is shedding and therefore ... I get to "wear her" around throughout the day. That is, until she trusts that I won't be leaving again anytime soon. THEN ... she will simply just hang around in the same room :o) I love my furry friend!

dismantling the clown

I am sitting in MY OWN bed.... atop a lovely pale, sage green duvet cover that protects my yummy down comforter. And I'm purring. That is to say, if I could do such a thing ... you would be able to hear it through my fingertips that dance upon this laptop at the moment. I LOVE being home. My hubby slumbers peacefully next to me (he loves me being home too), my kitty kat is sleeping at the end of the bed, with a paw draped across my ankle (yes, her too). I have scrubbed the last of the warpaint from my face, laid my newly acquired Sweet Adeline medals on the night stand, and opened the slider slightly so I can hear the fountainthe lanai. I enjoyed a long conversation with Pa over a Joe's steak, caught up on my WWF games I missed over the past 4 days, rinsed the evidence of the weekend from my stage costume & tucked all my performance "supplies" into their storage space. I was encouraged to enjoy a long, cozy bubble bath with a brewed latte (and complied), and am currently counting my blessings. They include, but are not limited to .... a husband (& Pa) that support (and help) in the preparation & participation of my music... spending time with amazing women (and a select few that I am particularly attached to) .... my mom & dad watching me perform from the highest vantage point (they will never be too busy again) .... being welcomed home with much ado .... being rewarded for a lot of dedication and hard work .... and coming home without feeling guilty for being away! It was a fast paced, late nighted, talk-a-liscious weekend with an anxiety ridden potential that never came a callin'..... and as happy as I am to be home, I look forward to the next challenge that brought it all on. & tomorrow is another opportunity for just that!

musical jewelry

This was a L-O-N-G weekend.

a REALLY, long, exhausting, exhilarating, rewarding weekend.

I loved it ... and EVERYTHING it included!

cat-titude

I can't imagine why ANYONE would think our cats are spoiled. CERTAINLY we never gave anyone that impression?!! It's WE who are spoiled .... given the fact that occassionally they let

us sleep on "our" bed too. That is .... if we don't take up too much room!

smiles with a healing property

even when situations involve tears or sadness ... there is a way, when you are around those you

love most in the world ... to find reasons to smile! One of our fondest memories with mom & dad ... was the occassional outing to Dewars. In those days, it was a quaint little parlor with 6 stools at the counter and limited standing room. Homemade ice cream & ice milk from the back room of the joint, and dad's beloved peanut butter chews were made fresh daily. They recently opened location #3 and the family owned business is thriving.... just as our laughter was as we scarfed up black & whites, banana splits & blue cotton candy ice cream with marshmellow topping!! Sweet tooths were were satisfied, & hug meters blew off the charts. Let the healing begin.

fit for the king that you were!

The weather was beautiful ... the setting calm & serene ... the gathering warm & loving.

there would NEVER have been enough time to say all the special things about you. You were a wonderful father and the BEST thing that ever happened to Mildred Jean !!

Rest in Peace. I love you.

the words I'd like to say ...

I'm emotional under the best of circumstances ... so heaven knows ... when the situation is less than "happy" ... the sadness overwhelms me. It will keep me from saying the things I want to say at a time when it may be the most appreciated. When we filtered through some of mom & dad's things recently- we uncovered a letter I sent my parents on my 31st birthday. I choked up (!) just reading it to myself, as it brought back specific events that I was referring to when I originally wrote it for them. The Captain is prepared to read it aloud at the memorial for Dad tomorrow, if I think I can control myself long enough for him to get through it.

DAD- you know how I feel ... whether I say the words aloud or not. You were MY FIRST knight in shining armour! I love you.

sugar & spice & everything nice ... ASAP please

and so ... being that "heaven" is pretty much thought of as perfect. I figure these two look just about like this, and that's the way I want to remember them.

When my mom died 14 months ago- I chose not to be at her bedside during those last hours. It was a conscious decision that some didn't understand, & others didn't like. But I didn't think it was about them ... it was about mom- and she would understand. I would have chosen the same circumstances with dad ... but this time, I wanted to support & help my sisters. Death of those close to them can still be counted on one hand. Having lost the majority of my own elder family members .... this is not my first dog & pony show. It's a time of significant hurt, depression & sadness for me, and it's then difficult to get back to the pictures in my head of what I WANT to remember about those I have loved & lost. AS EXPECTED- I am dealing with that .. and I know it will get easier. I just wish the dreams would hurry up & turn to things more pleasant ... like flower, and unicorns and princesses. I will keep this picture close and perhaps, sooner rather than later ... their smiles will be engrained in my heart & mind.

the end that begins, that ends, that begins

and in what seemed like a blink of an eye this morning ... dad took his final breath. He was there ... and then gone. His expression was peaceful and while my tears betrayed me I truly felt joy for him.

although I admit that it seemed much longer "in my shoes" ... it was but a few days from initial tests indicating a blood disorder and a definitive diagnosis this past Wednesday.

and so begins the process of cleaning & clearing the few hundred square feet that now tells the story of his life & death, as we muster up the emotional strength it takes to put aside things that mean a little something to each of us .... and pass on the other things in a way to benefit others. Very few items were ever dedicated to any one person- so we will work on this over the next day or two ... while we are all together. Once this chore is complete, it will be time to physically lay Dad's ashes next to mom's in the National Cemetery .... which will allow us to take the next baby step forward. With the amazing support of our spouses .... life goes on.

in the middle of the end

DOWN IN THE MEADOW IN AN ITTY BITTY POOL

SWAM THREE ITTLE FIDDIES & A MAMA FISHY TOO

SWIM SAID THE MAMA FISHY, SWIM IF YOU CAN

AND THEY SWAM, & THEY SWAM, ALL OVER THE DAM

I can hear dad singing this .... I hear it as clear in my head as if he was in this room with me ... and he is- but it's no longer "him". Today, the beginning of day 4.... he is a shell. Almost a caricature of his once Fred Flintstone figure of strength. As recently as 48 hours ago, he was still making a humorous comment. He was still telling this "harem" of kids how beautiful we are.

Now- he sleeps.... hopefully dreaming of his true love, who sits patiently at her majestic slot machine .. playing HIS numbers ... with a mischievous smile spreading across her face. Because she knows he will be joining her soon. SHE knows they have a new journey to make TOGETHER soon. I'm hoping that the occasional grin I see on dad's face now- is because he can see her in the distance .... perhaps feeling he's getting closer to being in her arms once again & already enjoying it's warmth. It's ok dad ... we will figure out things on our own ... you can walk toward her faster if you want. We miss you already.

shop therapy in progress

mental & emotional turmoil can be "bandaid"-ed in many ways. I seem to be taking my father's recent prognosis with a grain of salt & some serious internet shopping. I 'm hoping that my bank account will not be as terminal as his illness is. I'm also away from my Captain which means I have to wear my big girl panties for a few days. This was a trip & situation best handled by the sisters 5 and we are having flashbacks of gatherings decades ago when we were together with both mom & dad. If only we could go back & appreciate those far more than we did the first go-round! For now, we try to think while wearing dad's shoes .... and be his emotional GPS for his upcoming date with mom!

the mountains have come to Mohammed

MOHAMMED being Dad of course ..... we have gathered, so far 2 by 2, to help in whatever way we can to make things comfortable for him. Lisa seems to know that there are some things that ONLY she can do for him, and there is much talk between us as to changes that seem to manifest every few hours. Sleep for me was at a premium last night and I don't expect that to change anytime soon. I am haunted by thoughts of how I would be handling this if I were in his place, then I pinch myself and get back to the task of LIVING LIFE. Once he used the phrase "when push comes to tug, pull the plug", we knew he had made his peace. Looking frail, with some labored breathing at times- I am faced with the reality of the fact that this man, not my biological father, came into my life at a time when I was old enough to appreciate the sacrifices he made to do so. Since then, I gained siblings and was around to see my mother rewarded for a previously haggard life of single parenting. The 2 of them, having "practiced" a couple of times each before getting it right together, had over 45 years together and enjoyed darn near every second of it!! They are soon to be rejoined to continue the domino game left unfinished in the clipboard on his counter, and perhaps take a few more journeys together- without having to worry about gas prices!!! Mom has left the light on for when dad is ready to check out!