beauty in the eyes of THIS beholder

I woke up at 3:30am this morning to the music of heavy rain. I opened the windows wider and let the sweet sound fill the bedroom. The shower lasted over an hour, then moved on to another part of the island.
Once we were up & about, the Capt made his forecast for the day and we decided to take advantage

of the "wash" of the rain and seek out some waterfalls & foto ops. I wasn't disappointed. We found flowers of every hue black dropped with the bluest skies since our arrival. I took over a hundred shots in the 2 hours we were exploring. After refreshing the fridge with staples, we lunched at the Kilohana plantation ... slow & relaxed.
It's been a beautiful day.

but I didn't get a response

Once in a while .... I hear a song that slows .... everything. My heartbeat, my breathing, my thoughts. It allows clarity. It strengthens my inner voice. That song plays now. It fills me with thought, and question.
For some reason it brought to mind those times when I have sent out a wish, a prayer, perhaps even a note ... without response. There is a sadness in that fact. For each of these were emotional in nature and the object of it's destination lies silent still.
Proof that even in the happiest of personal worlds ... there is a part of us that still seeks an answer, confirmation, affirmation, or sign toward their significance in that person's life.
Song's over ..... pack for the beach!

I'm seeing red today!

First the infamous red dirt of Kauai (and it DOES stain as much & easily as you're told!)

a bright red hibiscus right after this morning's rainshower.

and the big red letters that caught the eye of the Captain ... not because of the red, but because of what it said!

dampen the ground, but not our day

Although the sky was clear when the sun first rose .... we were showered with moisture by a passing cloud burst ... then another, and I can see another down around the corner up. Our drive over to Kalalau Lookout will come another day I think.

Sunbeams are beginning to poke holes in the marshmellow billows just out of reach .... so I will let "Capt Meteorologist" check his data and make a game plan for the day. (subject to change on a moments whim)

it was REALLY a beach day!

we landed at Kalapaki beach about 9am ... one of few people there yet, and had the place primarily to ourselves for at least an hour. In our premium spot for optimum shade .. we set up our campsite and off went the Captain to grab a paddle board. I rode out on the board with him a couple of times today- but ONLY as "upright" as sitting. 6 hours later, we packed up the car to return to our unit to rinse the sand from our toes & the salt from our bodies. My skin shows evidence of this time on the water by eminating a rosey glow, and I'm feeling nice level of fatigue from splashing about, bobbing, and walking the beach a couple of times as well. Lunched was bagged with us, and dinner ... is on the grill at this moment!!

ok to forget, better to not

On this, our maiden voyage of carry-on only for the Hawaii trip ... we will figure out what is a must and what is a bust. SO far ... I found that having my readers WOULD BE much easier than trying to read at night in bed with my progressives, and our steak spice would have come in handy (it's small & 3X more $$ here). BUT, if those are the biggest deal breakers ....

a watermelon radish, sorbeto, & the sunset

Today we planned around the hours of a local farmer's market. We hit the fruit jackpot and MUCH to the Capt's joy he scored a couple varieties of radishes. (and he says they're GREAT) ... my treat was fat & calorie free ... pictured here! Our evening, contrary to our usual behavior- was "scheduled". We had 6pm reservations at The Beach House Restaurant in Lawai. Their specialty is the sunset, and we were not disappointed. Our friends, Emily & Vincent Shay presented Ken with a gift certificate as a thank you for all Ken's hard work and constant "marketing" of SLO Coast Kayaks. The service, sunset, & menu selections were wonderful and we rolled home a couple hours later with happy opu(s)! One rather startling note .... there was a bottle of wine on the menu that was 750.00 !! AND my tip for the day ..... pineapple sorbetto makes delish lunch :o)

the vaca plan for project 365

Getting behind on my project life book can snowball .... so I am "sort of " doing it remotely. I decided it will be a WHAT I did, saw, remember, etc for each of the days. I have a little flip pad that I will date & note what I'm scrapping for that day- there may be a picture ... or maybe just a journal card. RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW .... I simply must put it on the blog though ... because today- there was way tooooo much to include in my 365 anyway!
What I saw today: 1. a lot of white skin 2. swim trunks with black sock & sandals (on the same person) 3. man boobs 4. a Spiker look-a-like
I could comment on each of the above in terms of pros & cons ... but it's more amusing to me simply note it. What I will not be commenting on is anything that might resemble ... myself. There will be no mention of cellulite, muffin tops or use of the word jiggle.

peace, love & Hawaiian harmony

TODAY marks the (real) first day of our vaca.... but let me digress for a moment or two.

We left home yesterday morning at a quarter of O'dark hundred to catch a 6am puddle jumper to SFO, where the journey really settles in. We spent just under 2 hours in the Red Carpet lounge where I had my morning java & a piece of fruit and we "googled" this & "googled" that to pass the time.

The flight over was delightfully uneventful & we landed at the Lihue airport before noon. While waiting for the Captain to work out the details for our rental car (our first year of being more GAS conscious than comfort influenced), I got a giggle out of a priest climbing into the BRIGHT RED mustang convertible parked next to us! I guess EVERYONE takes a vacation from something from time to time (?) Our Kauai home is 5 minutes from the airport, so we checked to see if we could get checked in & they were ready for us. We opted from a change from our own unit, to get something without upstairs neighbors and ended up where there are NO buildings between us & the ocean view. sa-weeet! This location puts the stairs INSIDE where it's cooler, rather than outside as you're hauling in groceries, or coming home from a day at the beach. It's a little smaller & less "updated" than ours .... but a nice alternative. (probably the top 2 floors to the right of the palm trees in this picture).

I unpacked while the Captain explored closets & cubbys- it didn't take long, since we opted for ONLY carry-ons this trip! Then off we went for a drive & to pick up supplies. Sleepytime came a little early since we'd been up since 3am- and it meant that feeling like I was ready to get up when the ceiling clock posted 6:15 wasn't a surprise. (apparently, some contraptions cannot be left at home). With the coffee on, windows & doors open brought in the cool ocean breeze and I could hear the local roosters calling for an early rise as well..... suddenly to find that it was not 6+ am but 5+ am!!!!!!!!!!! too funny. (oopsey to the clock-setter) So- here we are just after 7, our Hawaiian tunes merrily humming along while I (personally) melt over my first "location" papaya & locally made cinnamon bread, alongside my choc mac coffee. We're planning a walk before attending the welcome breakfast. Their 1 hour presentation can be fruitful if we win a 2fer kayak or board rental. ALOHA for now!

so close I can taste it ...

Roughly 40 hours from now ...

I will be sitting on this bench ... waiting for the Captain to comeback to pick me up with the rental car. It will not be red. Probably not blue or black either. AND THIS year, it will also NOT be an SUV. Within a couple of hours, we will have stopped for a few groceries, checked into our condo, and walk across the street to Kalapaki beach. By this time, I will have taken at least 50 pictures, and I will be squishing my toes into the sand.

We will walk the length of the beach, ankle to knee high in the water, and talk about what to do tomorrow .... which will be much like today, only it will include the beach much earlier ... and we will be there most of the day. walking, splashing, talking, reading, people watching, napping, spashing & walking some more. Ken will have checked on the rates for his beloved paddleboarding and toying with the idea of surfing (but not follow thru) ..... and we will have our first tropical cocktail & an early supper of appetizers at Dukes on the Beach & likely hang out til sunset. THis may all sound very planned & predictable .... and that's fine with me, because from the moment I step OFF the plane, I will be relaxed!

EVERYONE needs a little practice ...

gettin' in the "mood" for Saturday's departure. I could just listen to Hawaiian music .... I suppose.

as the saying goes .... it's a dirty job, but

3 days from now, by this time of the morning, I will be 1/3 of the way .... HERE
As we near our destination, I will see many scenes such as this even from the plane. And at this point, my heart beat will start to slow, my watch will become an adornment rather than a time piece and my craving for papaya, dragon fruit, pineapple, macadamia nut wontons & ono will begin (and an occassional mai tai & lava flow as well). I will wear a lei for a couple of days, then place in on my nightstand or bedpost, so the fragrance tiptoes about the room for a few days after.
We will go to a farmer's market (at least once if not more), and a bouquet of lobsterclaw heliconia, ginger & tuberose will accompany us back to our "nest", along with local veggies & apple bananas ..... much more costly than home- but worth it. With luck, I will see the old gray horse at the weathered fence off the potholed road and feed him a few carrots.
We've been to Kauai 10 times + and still ..... my heart yearns each year for it's lush earthiness, slow & quiet pace, and most of all the peace it settles within me as I recline with a book or puzzle under a scraggly tree that offers "just enough" shade on Kalapaki beach. It's a stone's throw from our bedroom and the place we find ourselves most often during our stay. With VERY FEW exceptions, we no longer "schedule" events or outings, other than to note those places we want like to check out ... because of a particular view or favorite menu item. There really are no more "out of the way" places (all the secrets are out) .... but we explore a little to find those spots less travelled. On Kauai, there is a Kodak moment around every corner and my camera card can fill up in a day, but there is little I have yet to witness already. However, in the haven of it's laid back beauty, I still click away to relive the sights over & over.
We will kayak, paddleboard & hike a bit- but more importantly, we will rejuvenate our minds & souls..... and find smiles on our faces, for no special reason! (other than being together in paradise)

yeah ... so what?

I admit it ... I do some less than orthodox things, uh, routinely. But then, so what?
One of them .... ?
Well, right now I 'm sitting on my 55 degree lanai, coffee in hand, all blanky'd up (thank you Shar & Jay), with the heater toasting over my shoulder. Yes, I could just go in the house & need nothing more than a light sweatshirt- but what would be the "me-ness" of that? THIS ... is ... me.
Last night, I was up slightly longer than the fellas and I was loving the stillness of the dark, and the marine layer closing in tight around us, but I was so tired- I had to pack it up & go to bed. I felt almost depressed over giving up one of those nights when my environment beckons me to keep it company until the wee hours of the morning. What if a quiet, fog shrouded night doesn't come again when I'm feeling creative??
But I know it will.
I've been working (finally) on the "adventure" book from our 2010 trip East with Pa. Oddly, when I decided to tackle it- I didn't like 90% of what I had already put together! But I find now, there are NOT enough hours in the day when I can really focus on it with vengeance. I get into my design studio (ohh-la-la) and I get distracted with cleaning, or sorting, or taking care of real business .... and then my mind makes it's shift to THE PROJECT. Problem is- it's often an hour before dinner! Stop, start again, stop .... watching movie .... thinking of another picture to add, stop, get everyone off to bed, stop .... think, think ... and if it kicks in again SERIOUSLY enough, I just go at it (with it) until I can't think or stand straight! Some people might not understand this. (LouLou would!) I r-e-a-l-l-y would like to get 'er done before leaving on vaca ... I KNOW I won't be feeling the vibe when I get back. I will be in another world for a couple of months. (fall) And I have a FoxTales book to start too!!
So, as the noises of a typical Tuesday morning commute begin to chip away at my solice, the coffee in my London cup cools, & my mental clock reminds me of chores yet to be completed, I shall give up my front row seat to The world of D, and get on with my day!

to each his own- respect, but watch

We each have our own way of accepting & expressing our grief. Some may try to minimize or hide their emotions, while others openly sob. From either extreme & all those in between ... there are choices, albeit sometimes more subconciously, of how to get through the event. The first time a person experiences deep loss, they are as confused by what is expected of them than those who may be trying to make sense of their reactions. For a child or young person ..... even more difficult.
be wary
be watchful
be a good listener
They may not be able to express what they're feeling. It's not only a time of sorrow, but also of great confusion .....
what will change?
where do I fit in now?
and the biggest of all ... why?
It may not be what they say ... but more likely what they don't.
Please, don't forget the children.
Getting through it, doesn't necessarily mean getting over it.

Would it be snobbish of me to say...(?)

Would you think ill of me if I was to comment on the city we are staying in? More specifically, the restaurant we are eating in.
We used to have a Sizzler steakhouse at home, and for sr citizens... It's a pretty decent meal for the price! Sooo, we were pleased to see one literally next door to the hotel. Simple, stable ... And i get my salad fix FOR SURE. but..... While I was eating, I people watched (1 of my favorite hobbies).
I honestly thought (almost out loud) that we were the only normal people in the building! Maybe that sounds a little snooty...but when you peruse the room and all you can see is shirts without sleeves on the guys, a lack of foundation undergarments on the females, a lot of missing teeth, and a high percentage of 300 pounders .... You tend to feel a little out of place right?
I'm just sayin'

it's not easy liking green ....

well, at least, not as easy as it was yesterday!
The Captain is well known for his love of green. Anytime friends or family buy him something ... you can just about bet it will be the color of a leaf, honeydew, grass, limes, mint, a granny smith apple, asperagus, the forest, stuffed olives, pistachios, sage, ferns, pine trees, or more recently .... Shrek. Occassionally ... his taste will morph into the hues containing some hint of blue. - but he still calls it "green". It's been a long standing area in his life (so to speak) that we could all count on. That is, you knew that even if he wasn't thrilled or in need of what you bought him ... he would certainly like it on some level if it's green! But he might be throwing us a curve. A comment was made that his obsession was comparable to that of a teenage girl want everything to have flowers on it (or such). He laughed ... but then he (said) he took a good look around and suddenly wondered if his own jokes about green being an obsession ... were an obsession themselves. Suddenly, he washes dishes and notices the handles on the steak knives are green .... as is the wine glass he drank from tonight, the lt house T-shirt he's wearing, the kayak he paddles from, the car he drives everyday, his lawnmower, the towel hanging in the bathroom, his computer cover, memory stick, his bike & scooter, camera, pillow case, cereal bowl, his pens, pencils & file folders, swim trunks, etc (and I DOOOO mean etc ... there is much that could be added). The point is- he loves green & he gravitates toward in continually and yet- didn't FULLY notice that everything is green around here!
It's obvious that the comment hit him where he is most vulnerable at this moment - but instead of taking it in stride, he's questioning how crazy he looks for having such a love affair with .... dare I say .... green. I'm sure this will pass ... but his obsession over talking about his obsession that he wants to pretend is over .... should be over!! But it's not ... and that's the signal that it's bothering him. The bottom line here is that I love the look on his face when he finds something green. I get a kick out of his "reasoning" of why he needs something .... simply because it is (green)!!
OK, OK, so I admit ... there would be a little less green around here if it were not for him- the fact is he would NOT be adding to the menagerie if I outrightly told him .... no-more-green! But WHY would I want to ruin his fun?? He's my Captain, and part of being him IS HIS devotion to the afore-mentioned hue.
BESIDES .... what if he wanted everything yellow, or orange?? THAT would be a problem!!!

a first class ticket ....

Miss Manners would likely have said ... "when someone has passed ... it is best to speak of them in a kind way, & present them in their best light". For Stephanie ... that's easy for me to do, since I see her just so. Having not visited in person since her illness took it's strongest hold several months ago- when I picture her- she still looks like she did on her wedding day, to my brother-in-law. She has had red hair since we were first introduced, usually bold in hue .... and it seemed to fit her personality to a T. She was not brash, or pushy .... but she spoke her mind & turned out to be a "get 'er done" kinda gal!! Her long standing medical issues often prevented our girl time that was planned when mom was alive .... but once she & the family moved significantly north- we only saw them once a year or so. Through her blog, emails, & occassional texts .... I was aware of her good days & those not so, but more importantly, I knew what kind of woman she was -because of the loving, nurturing, & doting words she had to say about Lloyd & the kids .... with all that they did for her & what she tried to do for them. We touched bases a few times about step-parenting, crafts, & in-laws. We spent a few holidays together before logistics & health interferred. We had enough conversations with each other to know what we agreed on and what was taboo to approach. We respected each other. SO- even though she's gone through a lot since this photo was taken .... THIS is how I will remember her.
Happy
At peace with decisions
Radient

a light in the distance

My sister-in-law went into the hospital today with pneumonia. She is currently fighting for her life .... that is, if it's the life she expects it to be.
From the time I met her, she has had health issues, most of which would be debilitating to most- but "just a fact of life" was all the credit she was willing to allow them! She kept active when the better days would allow it & kept to herself otherwise. Whatever complaining she did .... must have been kept private, since she's always seemed to look at whatever bright side she could find .... sometimes even creating her own.
About 18 months ago, she was diagnosed with cervical cancer. She has attacked her attacker with a vengence. AND HUMOR. As evidenced by the blog she titled 3-ring cervix (A menagerie of medical mayhem). She gets to the point- which means she gets mad & she gets graphic- but more importantly, she gets her frustrations out on paper rather than wallowing in it. I find that commendable on so many levels!
A few months ago, when I reminded her that she had to let me know if there was something I could do (from afar), that might make a difference on a rough day- she asked me to make her up some stationary & notecards. NOT pretty, flowery, fru-fru poetic ones .... far from it. She has a wicked sense of humor and she wanted her "dark side" to show. OMG, did it!! They were funny (with a morbid edge), but I agreed with her motives, so I sent the finished product off to her a few days later. Recently, she solicited opinions on how to know when it's time to tell people good bye. The consensus was to tell EVERYONE what she has to say .... every chance she has to say it, and the last time she mentioned it- she was writing letters when her physical limitations allowed.
She is a bold & feisty redhead (again, after having shaved her head once during chemo) ... and I can only imagine how difficult it has been for her to be bedridden more often than not since shortly after her diagnosis- she has still managed to keep a household full of kids & pets under tow. The changing relationships with her step-kids is what probably pains her most. She took on a mother's job that was non-existant & was instrumental in creating routines and family values. She, as the rookie, was learning along with her charges- never looking back. She is a parent!
But that was then, and this is now .... where she is struggling & in limbo. Waiting in her own way to find out if that light in the distance is going to lead her back to her husband & familiar surroundings, or to a sandy beach with perfect warm breezes & soft music playing. A place free of constant discomfort or pain.
There are a few households right now that are filled with tears and worry, even more so than ours. She has a lot of close friends and speaks with both her parents regularly. And her "darling husband", as she refers to the Captains brother, must be in a state of bewilderment as well, as he answers questions and tries to hold things together while Stephanie is being cared for by a team of doctors. Our thoughts are there with you bro ....

remembered but NOT celebrated

Many, MANY people across the United States are likely thinking about the same thing today. The tragic. As I readied for work on that fateful morning & passed the TV, sound turned low- I walked by the scene being played out ... then stepped backward in my own footprints .... mouth agape, realizing it was a live newscast. I stood, paralyzed in confusion, transfixed to the screen, as the 2nd plane hit the tower. My knees weakened. I steadied myself against the footboard of our bed and tears made paths down my face.
That day is real in my mind and yet shrouded in fog. Disbelief, followed by fear, then overwhelming sadness ... the cycle repeating many times throughout the day. I was the first into work & immediately switched on the TV in the breakroom. Every voice heard as the environment filled with workers, spoke of the hijackings and there were constant updates from those pulling info up on computers or watching the broadcasts. By the end of that day, exhaustion was the physical reminder. I was immensely thankful that all of my family & friends were alive & well ... and feeling almost guilty for that blessing.
We travelled by plane less than 2 weeks later & there were moments of anxiety & trepidation for me. Time passes & the immediate threat lessens .... fades from thought for days at a time, but I hope to never forget this tragic & unforgivable event. Much has happened since that time- in the name of defense, safety, perhaps even retribution .... that are equally as calamitious. Trust, tolerance, & innocence lost. For me- there are moments of fear that I can cope with, but on those days when I feel hope slipping from my heart & soul .... I am most afraid of all. The thought of what my kids or grandkids may have to endure due to the state of the world, can be debilitating if I allow. A great sadness comes over me during these thoughts.
Not unlike today, I have a great respect & appreciation for those who fight & defend against the evils faced by our country. They are the brave souls that sacrifice on a daily basis and we can NEVER repay them for that service. As a proud American, I shame those who cannot support the troops. I don't always agree with the choices that send them into peril- but the fact that they do so on my behalf, makes them deserving of our respect on the highest level. I hope everyone gives that (at least) a thought today, in observance of this date each year. God Bless America, those lost in it's name, & those still strong & brave enough in their beliefs that I am able to share my thoughts at this moment!

changing directions without using turning signals

today is a "hot" one!

ALL of my days are pretty groovey .... but I still manage some standouts!

TODAY is one of those days. My days can be particularly special for different reasons .... this one is due to the weather (for the most part). I woke to a chilly, heavily marine layered, early morning (the first one in a LONG time); with nothing pressing to do, nothing on a list to accomplish, nothing on my agenda with any measure of importance. That is a little unusual in itself. Though retirement could mean EVERYDAY is a day off .... that's not the case in this household. BUT as I fell asleep last night, I didn't mentally plan anything for today. (woo hoo). SO, with this time yet unspent .... I pulled a recliner up to the fireplace, flipped it on, brewed a white chocolate latte, grabbed my IPAD & a birthday card to add a note to, and .... settled in :o) Low & behold- a few minutes later, a spinach/mushroom/tomato omelet was placed on a tray next to me and my cacooning continued. Now .... I have "re" located into my craft room with a harvest-cinnamon scented melting tart & some candles to shed a glow into the room .... adding to the warm, creative ambiance I feel here. An oversize sweatshirt, fuzzy slippers, purring cat upon my lap completes the Norman Rockwell-esque picture in my mind that matches my mood! It's my life .... and it's a good one!

fallin' from grace ....

ON THIS .... the first day of September .....
I have completed a week of gardening, been to the Dr for the first of a series of appts that will (likely) tell me what I have heard with each bi-yrly physical prior (but it will give me peace to know), I have stocked up a weeks worth of groceries, shopped for PJs, listened to my chorus trax 4 times each & repeated my dbl qtet trak 6 times, emptied the dishwasher, HANDWRITTEN a note to my niece, vacumed the craft room, cleaned the litter boxes, removed the polish from my toes, picked some oranges, and made 9 plays on WWF. ALL by 12:30 ....
I HAVE NOT .... been kayaking for over a week (obligations, big swells, etc), I have NOT gone for a significant walk, I have NOT used the treadmill, I have NOT cut back on carbs, I have NOT retouched my roots, I have NOT painted the living room wall, I have NOT sorted out the video cabinet in the spare room, I have NOT backed up my computer, I have NOT pulled the fall decor out ..... I HAVE fallen from my self-appointed duties. well - the day isn't over (yet)