elated anew

the post title ... sounds almost like a french name or something, but it's actually a feeling. For nearly 3 weeks before Christmas I was so excited about the smallest of things. the right ornament placed here. a pretty bauble set there. twinkling lights. festive music. ribbons. digging out holiday recipes. special visits. extra family time. I was brimming with warm fuzzies 24-7. Along the way an email arrived and with great anticipation I opened it up. Seeing it was more lengthly than just a season's greetings made my heart beat a little faster. A tiny voice inside cheered gleefully. But as I began to read the words, the joy melted away to an overwhelming feeling of emptiness and I started to cry. I wanted to counter some of the words and question others. I wanted to know more and hurt less. It was not the Christmas present that one would wish for afterall. And the sadness lingered. and lingered longer yet. until I realized that it was not my sadness that was dawdling .... but rather the sadness I felt for the author. I tried to imagine how difficult it must have been to put the words out there. I still feel an ache when I think about the email, but I am coming to terms with the fact that sometimes there's no way to heal another's pain. at times, it's too late for explanations that might lead to understanding. particularly when the reason or source of the pain is gone. I wish I knew the right words or had the answers (I am known to often have an answer for everything). But I don't. And while I have great empathy .... I will eventually be less tender on the subject I suppose. sympathise without obsessing you might say.

And tonight, pleasantly exhausted ..... after a heavy day of housecleaning, a fish N chips refresher from our fav place that's always closed between turkey day & Santa's coming out party every year, a piece of pie that sounded amazing but was slightly over-rated, a movie that was sweet but probably meant for someone 40+ years younger than I, and the anticipation of seeing 2 of my favorite people tomorrow ..... has me feeling that feelin' again and I am relishing it & welcoming it with open arms. I am (I say with with a fuzzy heart) elated anew and loving it!

DON'T BUG ME (aka: the nurse is in)

At the moment, I have a couple of bug infested fellas living with me.

Pops has a heck of a cold & we've got him on meds to prevent pneumonia from sneaking up on him. Low & behold ..... by today, the Captain is pretty miserable with a few symptoms himself. I find this predicament both worrisome & bothersome at the same time. For Pops, it is an exhausting condition and he requires a little extra TLC to make sure he eats enough (of the good things), takes his meds & treatments as he should .... while still encouraging him to move around a bit. Mostly I worry more about him at night. Wondering if he would call out if he needed us, or is he doing everything he can to keep warm & stay comfortable. With the Captain, it is altogether different because he is sooooo rarely ill and just as rarely sedentary .... that he is not a very patient, patient. Between the 2 of them there is noise abundant with coughing that sounds like a bull horn & nose blowing that sounds like a moose call. The kleenex & tylenol is all gone, the trash cans are full, I have no more room in the fridge for more chicken soup & my hands are chapped from using anticeptic cloths!
OTHER THAN THAT .... all is well at our place! haha

what's in a name? SOMETIMES .... a lot.

IF YOU CAN'T READ THE WRITING (and you want to) .... click on it!!!

lost time, lost friends, lost love & loved ones

We call ALL certainly relate to this post.

My thoughts started when I decided that today woud be a good day to see if Netflix has the LOST series on instant play. I'm tidying up my design studio and it's been a really long time since I've seen it. Years ago, it was one of the programs that I recorded each week so that when I returned from my commute in the Bay Area .... I would have it to enjoy at my leisure. In those days, the Captain was still working (and living) 3/4 of the time in Sacramento and I was alone a lot. We lost that time together, but we made up for it by appreciating what we did have. Anyway .... although I do have the series playing as I type here .... I continue to think about other loses. And, as a result, I am not getting my studio cleaned up. THAT is not of major concern to me, because somethings are more important than others. more timely. It's lost time- but it's not wasted. And it's not a loss that I will concern myself with or lose sleep over. For other losses, I've done both.

Loss can be painful. At the very least it can be unsettling or confusing. Ultimately, it generally has to be accepted. And to accept does not necessarily mean to forget or dismiss the importance of the loss. Sometimes .... it just is what it is. THAT MUCH, I have learned.

The past .... well that's exactly what it is... past. You can't get it back, you can't have overs, you can't even make up for it. But, I do believe that it's never too late. Never too late to apologize, to explain, to ask questions, to forgive .... or to start over.

If a loss has changed who or what you are ..... and you suffer because of it, then you have to confront it. Otherwise, let it take it's course. You may find that you are the wiser, tougher, or more peaceful as a result. Feeling lost. Feeling loss. Both human, both painful, both temporary .... unless you give up. Don't do that.

rain-y, reindeer, reign-ing in

While the Captain & pops contemplate an eggnog before supper .... I am enjoying the rain, watching a movie about a reindeer, enjoying my own cocktail .... and thinking seriously about post holiday calorie intake deprivation. and I do mean seriously.

HOWEVER, for the moment ....

I have decided that it is far more appropriate to take pleasure in nature's musical storm, and the treasures & treats of the season without guilt .....

A week from now will be plenty soon enough to move more, eat less and live healthier.

yes Santa .... I loved "my" Christmas present

It's been a quiet day.

JUST PERFECT after the frolicsome & lively grouping we were part of last night!

As we have gotten more mature(?), our idea of Christmas morning has redefined itself. As much as I loved the early morning excitement when we had small children around (while I was MUCH younger of course), the relaxed, easy going, sort of sneak-up-on-you approach to the holidays that we are getting closer & closer to .... has MUCH to be appreciated. There is less shopping (which ='s less wrapping), less stress, & more joy in some of the simpler things that accompany the holidays. We have spent festive time with family & friends (and have more planned), plus more time enjoying our own home, and I for one- have really enjoyed it!

my facination with the turning of a phrase

I'm into a novel on my Kindle that continues to intrigue me because I can't figure out where it's going. That's makes a book particularly interesting for me. The author, Lisa Unger, uses phrases that are almost poetic. If I am reading at night and feel myself getting tired, I often read on, planning to stop when I come across another bouquet of words. I read them over & over to absorb & remember them. (who are we kidding, I write them down). Sentences like "memory gets pulled like taffy in it's retelling" .... or "memories in shades of gray or sepia, that change color with current events". Oh that I could turn such a phrase. That is now a goal of mine ... to create such texture with sentences.
And speaking of what is now on my mind ..... I first have to express an AHHH ...... because we are back home and plan to stay put for a couple of weeks. I like that thought. It's a little quieter here than it has been for a few days and that, in itself, has it's own set of pros & cons. Young Anthony was returned to the nest today. The pros of said event is that he is with his sister, mommy & daddy for Christmas. He is at an age when you can explain more about the reasons & the spirit of Christmas, and his appreciation for the decorations and neighborhood light displays is sweet. His curiosity is in high gear and I can get him to do just about anything if I add an element of mystery or difficulty to it. He likes a challenge. He respects the boundries (I just have to remind him a couple of times). We had a list of things we wanted to explore/share with him during this visit but the time passed so quickly (and the weather didn't cooperate) :o( Todays day trip also allowed short visits with a couple of the "kids", and my dad as well. Lately, he's been a little under-the-weather emotionally. (and I doubt he's played dominoes since mom died) But with a little time & extra attention, he was doing better today and we had a nice chat. The trip felt like a double rainbow. Full of hugs & holiday wishes.
But NOW, the hallways here are quiet, and Anthony's blanky & favorite toys are tucked away for the next visit. Looking around the room, there is no evidence of his visit at all, except that both the cats are out in the open and not sneaking around corners checking if the coast is clear! By this time every evening he was here, he was usually asleep on my lap, or tucked away in bed already. He's a snuggler and I already miss him. (although I admit, I do like the idea of sleeping in tomorrow!). Here in lies the 'con' of the situation .... that it will be a while before his giggles & questions once again bounce off our walls.
SO- while I was neglectful of some chores or DeDe Do's while he was here, it was wonderful (& exhausting) none the same and .... well, tomorrow is another day to do my stuff !

Thanksgiving Soup

rainy day ...

chill in the air ....

the smell of cookies baking ..

wrapping presents ......

listening to Christmas tunes ..

playing with my grandson ...

hanging with the hubby ....

thinking about family ....

shopping for new PJs .....

.

what could make the day any better?

DUH .................................................

HOMEMADE soup & noodles!!

you got it :o)

the boys of the house were busy as bees

We headed out to the grocery store (in the rain) right after breakfast, to get supplies for the chore that "the boys" decided to dive into. And so it shall be ... that the kitchen was taken over by the Captain and his first mate- engulfed in about 3 hours of serious cookie batching. 4 flavors and an anticipated 360 cookies resulting. WELL, that is if his official "taster" (seen here) didn't do too, TOO, much tasting!! Last I heard, the Captain had received 2 thumbs up at each level, and I'm sure his first mate will continue in his official capacity tomorrow or Wednesday, when they hit the oven!

so then .... Anthony says .... "gramma, pretend this box came in the mail and it's for you" (then he promptly curled up inside it and asked that the top be closed.) Of course the Captain couldn't just let it go at that. He believed that when the mailman delivered the box (?), it be inspected, tapped on, & rolled over to make sure it's safe to open it. A giggle or two escaped from the package ... so we decided we should open it to check things out!

It's amazing what they send through the mail service these days!!! It wasn't even even labeled fragile.

thru the eyes of an (occassional) angel

THIS little man has taken up temporary residence in our household as of this evening. He has actually been with us for the past 2 days, but we were traveling to visit family up north and arrived home just a couple of hours ago.
He is quite the gentleman. Often saying "thank you" or "excuse me" without prompt. He is funny & smart (and a little stubborn), and ALWAYS loving & affectionate. He doesn't like being wrong (or losing at games or puzzles), but usually open to learning or getting explanations- if you are patient enough to break thru his protective shell. And he is a great traveling companion. As long as you have a pillow, plush animal, some writing tools, & an ear for conversation .... he's your man. He'll snack on apples, raisins, & gold fish. Nap (likely) after a couple hours of travel and be in good spirits without asking "if we are there yet" for your average 4 hour drive. And ... most precious of all (well, besides the fact that he is my grandson that is) ... he helps us see things through the eyes of a child. Simple, imaginative, wide eyed innocence of a mind that is totally open to learning and seeing new things. What a gift.

the princess, Santa, & the Tazmanian Devil

What an evening .... 17 family members, about a $100 worth of pizza & beer, little kids, big kids, kids that are no longer kids, talking, visiting, laughter and .... HO-HO-HO
As luck would have it, Santa happened to be scheduled to show up at this particular place while we were there. The little ones, facinated, but timid at first .... soon were begging us to let the go & talk with him (soon- it was more like stalking, than talking!)
Our grandson, Anthony- watched a little longer than the others & I could hear his brain clicking away.. formulating, calculating .... and by the end of the evening, he announced that he was "pretty sure it was a real Santa" when I asked how he knew, he told me that he'd seen a lot of pretend ones at the stores and other places, that he knew weren't real (although he neglected to elaborate why). He also confided in us that one of them might even be his dad, since HE has a Santa suit. (uh oh).
By this morning, he had (apparently) given it more thought and decided that, due to Santa "having the wrong shoes on", was NOT a real one afterall. However, he was cool with that because he was pretty sure that it was a friend of Santa's. Anthony also insinuated that there are times when Santa is so busy, that his mom has to deliver some of the presents on Christmas. The 3 little ones -AKA: the princess (Delaney), the Taz Devil (Wyatt), & ACE (anthony) ... gave Santa a run for his money. They had questions, plenty of Christmas wishes, & requests for pictures. BUT THEY ALSO were pretty wired up by the time we left .... given the soda pop & candy canes!! AND GUESS WHAT ?!? we get to do it again today (minus Santa).

Hawaii blooms on our lanai (in a snow storm)

OK, OKAY .... there was no snow storm.... but it was cold! (well alright then .... cold for the central coastline)

all that being made clear .... the WHOLE POINT to this post is to show you the picture that almost does justice to what our hibiscus plants look right now. They are, oddly, VERY happy in this spot on the lanai. For that reason, we have left them there- despite the fact that they were originally planned for my serenity garden. What a gorgeous sight thru the glass doors to see this AND the ocean!

a good "wreathon" to have Spiker as a friend!!

like a lover-lee bunch of coconuts .... my cohort in crime showed up today and performed her magic. It all started with her making some one-of-a-kind wreaths for a neighbor and after seeing the results of her cheap-chic (which translates into groovey creations made with a dollar's worth of stuff). I mentioned that the only blank space where I could hang anything was on the outside of our "kitty room" room door. 24 hours later .... there is fresh, pine greens adorned with mice & feathers .... where a blank door once stood.
She is the McGiver of decorating in my eyes. You got something that needs a little "something more??"
But you can't figure out what it is!! She's your gal!

time to kick these cards to the curb!

I believe I have hammered out the last of the homemade Christmas cards! Last count was 42. Most are in the mailbox as we speak, just a half dozen stragglers that will go tomorrow. I have another 5 that will be hand delivered and- no doubt- will find another 2-3 that were over looked amd need a-makin' .... but for now, ahhhhhhh. My back hurts from standing 3-4 hours straight at a time. My wrist hurts from all the pressing, punching, twisting, tagging & grasping. BUT, I am mostly just relieved that I am done with time to spare.
DON'T GET ME WRONG ..... I do not have an over abundance of free time suddenly (I have packing & wrapping to do for this weekend's travel) .... but I have finished (theoretically) sooner than usual. Just moments ago, I boxed up alot of the trims, tools, & treatments used only for the holiday cards ....... helping to clear some of the clutter from my craft room. I have L-O-N-G been looking forward to that alone. And now, with a warm cup of tea at hand & the delicate lighting that eminates from the decorations the Captain installed in my serenity garden- I am enjoying the feeling of accomplishment & the silence. Only the tick of the coo-coo clock is audible ..... and I like it. And tomorrow? Well, it has it's own set of chores ready for me to tackle, so I will just wait til then to even give it a thought!! For now- my Kindle calls.

the ho-ho-ho hat ..... and the idiot

THEY ARE NOT ONE & THE SAME (I hope) !
.
I heard on the news tonight that a mom is suing McDonalds because of their "enticing" advertizing aimed at kids.
OMG
You don't want to get me started on this subject! REALLY.
Uh .... what the ???
Bear with me ... I must have lost something in the translation ..... or is she nuts? Her kids were "enticed"? And then what .... they picked up a weapon & held her against her will until she took them to get a happy meal?? I can't believe she is taking legal action against a company that produces something her kids could do without!! Good grief .... It's not like they are taking french fries & chicken nuggets & implanting a subliminal message telling the kids to scream & have a tantrum so mom will give you anything you want to shut them up. She APPARENTLY does that well enough on her own. (I'd hate to be in Walmart at the same time as her & the "all powerful" kids!)
WHO'S THE BOSS here?? The only thing I'm interested in is seeing who the idiot judge is if they don't throw it out of court! Hey lady - treat it like drugs .... just say no!

the tale of the musical rug .... and how it makes me smile

Last year (I think), I came across this doormat and thought it would be clever to put it right by the kitty beds so when they step on it, (and the music plays) it would take them by surprise. The antics created by any unexpected event around here are so entertaining. (obviously, it doesn't take much in this household). The letters are surrounded by teeny, colored lights that also blink as the music plays. I knew it was against the odds that either cat would step on just the right spot to activate (the 'O' in welcome) .... but just the same. So it sat in front of their beds .... where they go EVERY night when we settle in front of the TV or fireplace ..... and it sat ..... or perhaps it layed .... silently in wait. (with the key word being silently) After a few days, I began crawling over to them at some point (& more than once) each evening to set it off for them. I had pretty much figured out by this point that they weren't heavy enough to set it off easily. They did sniff it, by the way. A couple times I think. The music didn't disturb them. It didn't annoy or bother them. It ALSO didn't interest them. But I liked it!!! SO- pulling it out this year .... I noticed it looked almost new (duh) and I set out to find a more "active" place for it. BINGO .... at the landing of the stairs where we tromp up & down numerous times a day. NOT ONLY is it keenly located, but the music can be heard both up & downstairs (within reason), AND .... everyone hits the spot when they step onto it .... even if it means an extra step. The first day- it chimmed merrily more times than in all of last year's use. At night .... the little lights show up grandly and I love it even more!!! simply put- as the post title states ..... it makes me smile!!

tri-podal reunion!

......... fa-la-la-la-la ... la-la-la-la .............

There is little else that compares to the uplift my spirit feels, than when I share space with these two gals!!

Once upon a time, we were 3/4 of a quartet known as FIZZ. Before & after ..... we have referred to ourselves as the tripod. I was lucky enough to put some time in, however short it felt, with these two "wwhhhitty" chicks over the weekend! ..... what a conversational ride I experience when in their presence!

Thanks ladies!!

how many lifetimes have we been friends?

I have heard (and choose to believe) that after you die, you come back again ... and again, and again. Some feel that you return until you accomplish what you were intended for. I (choose to) believe that you return repeatedly - each time with what you gained from your last appearance. That you carry with you the lessons learned & mistakes paid for. That each arrival & departure brings additional enlightment, courage, & knowledge. I also believe that there are people that accompany you in these journeys .... just in different capacities. Perhaps as a sister the first time, your gardener the next, maybe your child in a 3rd life. It can span over tens, or hundreds or thousands of years. Who knows. I have a couple of friends that I truly feel that I have spent time with in previous lives. One of them- I visited this past weekend. In at least one previous life, she was there to help & support me emotionally. This time around, it's my turn to do the same for her. She is an amazing woman, & a wonderful friend. For that reason, it is painful to see her unhappy & struggling. Slightly older, & immensely more talented than I- she has had more challenges in her life than anyone deserves. She's a sensitive & tender soul. This, in part, causes her to be insecure & self conscious at times. She lacks the support system around her that she has given freely to so many others. She gives so much more than she gets, and in her selflessness .... she can end up feeling empty & lonely. This is when I am the most protective of her.... wishing I could do more ... wishing I could be close enough for a drive-by hug at any given time. She knows I love & care about her, but the logistical distance between us keeps us apart for longer time periods than either of us would prefer. Right now, she's going through a particularly difficult time, so being together this weekend was more meaningful than usual. With the recent & sudden loss of my mom, I feel more strongly that we should work toward visiting more often. To begin using what remains of this lifetime more wisely. If I needed her, she would fight an army to get to me, and I want to do the same. I love, respect, & adore this woman. With good people around her, she will gain the strength & determination she needs, to put her hopes & dreams on the road to realization. So as of now I say ..... let the good times roll again (soon)!!

the bird has landed (on my tree!)

I am finished decorating the tree. MOSTLY. There will be (numerous) times during each day that I tweak this or straighten that .... but the big part is done.

I wasn't sure I was up to it. My designer was ill & not able to come & supervise :o( She would have had particular fun with this one I think. I have a few more touches I could add but at this point, I am feeling that the 7+ hours I already put into it is enough (?) And my mood soured ever so slightly when I was near finished & found half a strand of lights that weren't lit. I had tucked things so nicely, & attached trinkets & tinsel in such a way that the wiring was nearly invisible, so I was not happy that things had to be disturbed in order to fix the issue. bah-humbug!! HOWEVER, with by hubby's assistance ... the problem and mood quickly reversed itself & all was well!

2day was FULL of creativity

I was a good girl today :o)

I created 26 Christmas cards ... no 2 alike. It kept me in my craft room for nearly 8 hours (seemed like half that) ..... I have a little embelishing to finish up .... then, address them & toss them into the mail. Not in a BIG hurry. Personally, I like sending them out so they are received about 5 days before the holiday.

THE TREE is sucking up water ..... so it will get "dressed" (probably) on Thursday.

FONZI (and his hair) would agree

There are somethings that should not be messed with, tweaked, repeated, redone, updated, repeated, remade, improved upon, or revamped. There are some things that are perfect just the way they are. There are instances where it is so well done, that it never measures up the 2nd or 3rd time around. Other times when it takes a time or two to hit perfection ... so stop there! I'm not talking about cloning (like the halarious movie Multiplicity), I refer to Christmas music (well duh), and I shall now elaborate in specifics .... stick with these;
Bing Crosby -White Christmas/ It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas
Barbra -My Favorite things
Burl Ives -Frosty the Snowman
Josh Groban -O Holy Night
Celtic Women -Carol of the Bells
Taylor Swift -Santa Baby (although I ALSO like Lauper, Madonna AND Eartha Kitt's!!)
Celine Dion -O Come all ye Faithful
Andrea Bocelli -Silent Night
Clay Aiken -Mary Did You Know?
Michael Buble -The Christmas Song (sorry Mel .... beautiful song, but you aint got the chops)
Kelly Clarkson -Grown up Christmas Wish
Mission Valley/Garden City BB shop Chorus' -Baby it's Cold Outside (you had to be there)
The Lennon Sisters -The Christmas Waltz
Rascal Flatts -I'll Be Home For Christmas
Andy Williams -It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year
Jim Brickman -The Gift
Cindy Lou Who -Where are you Christmas?
(can we all agree that the radio can stop playing the barking dogs' Jingle Bells, as well as Grandma got ran over by a reindeer ?????)
HO-HO-HO

the rain has gained me time :o)

The "boys" were going to head out late this morning to get a tree. We don't do the live thing very often .... but I felt I needed the fresh smell this time around. However ..... mother nature had different plans and since they are less adventurous than the Griswolds, the outing was cancelled on account of rain! HOWEVER, in my eyes, that worked out nicely because my 2 hour project took much of the day- so having a naked tree in my living room would have agitated me. It would have affected my bedtime, my sleep, & probably tomorrow's wake-up schedule as well! It appears that it is the last of the B-I-G projects, so the next couple of days will be used up, & then I can get to my glass painting & Christmas cards. (I somehow know I am making it sound WAY easier than it will ultimately be!!) ho-ho-ho

The cycle of anti-abuse comes full circle

You may think that a strange title.
But note that I state it as anti-abuse. I was watching something on tv a few days ago that was (once again) evidence of how often the treatment (beit mental, physical, emotional, or verbal) of abuse that we find hurtful & wrong- is again repeated in the generation. The same can ring true of financially assisted families, or those that are infested with bigotry, illiteracy, alcoholism, or mental illness.
And hither I fall into the puzzle. I am my mother's daughter ...... Although I am an individual ... the sum of parts not entirely inherent to her - there is much of her that is evidence of her existance in me. The beauty of it's actuality being just that ... beautiful. I speak not of physical attributes (for I should have been so lucky to have been small & petite), but rather of characteristics she may not have consciously instilled upon me. I am strong willed, particularly when when I feel someone has been wronged. I am compassionate to the feelings of others. I have laudable work ethics & not afraid of challenge or change. I have risen from ashes on more than one occassion, stronger & wiser. I learn from my mistakes. (just not necessarily the first time). I would work as long & hard as necessary to support my children.
All these qualities were part of life with mom. I didn't learn these things from her .... I lived them because of her. And though we are different in more ways than we are analogous , I find that our common denominators are those fragments of me to be most thankful for and proud of. Thanks mom, these are the gifts that I hope will continue in full circle for many generations to come.

the warm fuzzies continue on today

let me first point out that I thought being retired would give me (so much) more time to accomplish the normal decorating this time of year. and while many of you reading this will be thumbing your noses at my quandary over this .... let me assure you that I am not complaining- I am simply surprised (and admiring of those of you leading busy, working lives & having already trimmed the tree). With that perplexity being stated .... I hit the floor jogging this morning to get more stuff done. Along the way- in line with

belief that one should have a "stop & smell the roses" moment every day- I noticed how beautiful the colors are on our 2-pear-a-year tree. During this instant of admiration, I thought the abstract window tree crystal was sort of fitting for the changing of the seasons that is near.

MOVING ON .... I find that Santa has dropped a little something under my fru-fru tree. It's one of those gifts that keeps on giving.

I was busy for a good "wreathon"

It's the year for freshening up the ole wreath. I added a few things to the traditional one I hung on the front door today, and started from scratch on the one for inside. It's a preview of our tree theme this year. This part was fun ..... dragging all the boxes up & down the attic ladder & digging thru them ... wasn't. oilwell.
we'll see how much I get done tomorrow. Right now the place looks like a cyclone hit it!!!