In Response to Donation Requests

We have received numerous requests regarding donations in De De's name.  The information is below.

To honor our beloved DeDe and celebrate her life, in lieu of flowers you may want to make a tax deductible donation to one of the following 501C non-profits:

To celebrate DeDe's love of music and singing donate to;

Central Coast Celebration Chorus

c/o Dani Prigge 

350 Palomar Ave

Shell Beach, CA 93449-1945

(make checks payable to "Central Coast Celebration Chorus")

Or to help people with cancer here on the central coast donate to;

The Jacqualyn Palchak Cancer Fund

P.O. Box 1614
Pismo Beach, CA 93448-1614

(make checks payable to "The Jacqualyn Palchak Cancer Fund")

Ken Irwin

Celebration of Life

Celebration of Life | Details

In LOVING memory of DeDe Irwin we will hold a memorial service on 

Sunday June 29th at Noon

Los Osos Memorial Park

2260 Los Osos Valley Road, Los Osos, CA 93402

A short reception at the memorial park will follow the memorial service.

Celebration of Life

Hello this is Cindy Welch, DeDe's sister. As most of you know one week ago DeDe passed away in the early hours after a battle with pancreatic cancer. Her sisters Lindy, Lisa and myself along with Ken were her constant companions during her journey away from us.   Her sons were near as well. We had great support from her wonder friends Lois Harvey, Dan & Julie as well as Dick & Lisa.   Words cannot express our sorrow but we are relieved she is no longer in such pain.  She will forever be The Princess!!

A celebration of her life will occur on June 29, 2014 in Pismo Beach California. Once I have the details I will post them here.  If you need to contact the family please email me as ken is unable to answer the amount of calls and emails he is getting.

Life sucks...isn't that grand?!??

Indigestion
Sweaty underarms
Problem solving exercises
Load of undone towels
..................
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Sounds like a good day huh??   It was.  It still is

Just a shorty note, as I      1. take a couple stretches on the ole back
                                          2. take a potty break
                                          3. take what I hope is ONLY a few last waking moments to the day

Then realize that it is the most productive day I've had in weeks.  As pitiful as it looks on paper, it's SOMETHING!!

Thanks to everyone who helped me accomplish it. woooo hoooo !!

Severe tear storms approaching with a chance of blizzard hugs following

the Captain and I are currently establishing our conscious level of bedtime sogginess.  We walk a fine line between that which gets things out of the head and off our chests to allow sleep at night.  We risk going into areas of both, that can make us think TOO MUCH!  It's going to take some practice to get it right, but boy did I pick the right person to do it with!
Years ago, when I shared with co-workers that the Capt was going to retire...several of them cautioned me about being careful what I wish for.  Tooooo much time together.  Becoming smothered.  Creating an expansive "to do" list in advance.  Just to name a few.  But, I wasn't wrong then...nor am I now!  He's "the man"  in every sense of the word!!
It is the time of the evening when the captain smoothes back the bed covers .. his hands cutting thru them like a perfect set iron temperature, to create crisp, white, pillow cases on which he mentally  places a single chocolate mint wafer.  He might spritz the foot of the bed with a light lavender or lemon scent. He arranges newly arrived flowers or keepsakes so that I can see them from my side of the bed at a glance.  During HIS ritual...I am performing that of my own by setting up the bedside table in prep of what could be an hourly wake up call in the night.... to address pain, thirst, or nausea or changing position to relieve numbness or stinging.  We are unwinding from whatever has been handled for this day...while winding up for what may also lie ahead! Getting me into resting position is no longer an easy feat!  It used to simply require laying down.
THATS IT...laying down!  Now, it resembles the three or so circles about the bedding to bundle and tuck and nestle.  (Like when cats go to bed!) by the time I actually make physical contact with the sheets... I am sooo hoping I am close to where I need to be, as I am already in a state of exhaustion!!  With the remote switch at the tip of my fingers...I make the last couple of altitudinal adjustments and lights out!!  For at least an hour. (Hopefully). It takes a few deep breaths before any evidence do consciousness returns....and the talking begins.
This is when our world problems begin to reshape.  This is when the tears flow. This is when the real time of our real life is discussed.  It's our time to be real with each other.  And we are.  Some of this I may share along the way...some maybe not.  At this point, it's all I can do to commit to TRY and stay on top of the blog itself.  If I find I am not holding up my end of the bargain...I am looking at a way to address that as well!!
FOR TONIGHT.... I have gotten this far, and that's quite an accomplishment for me!!  In doing so, I hope I am doing something for you and me both!  Time will tell.  Time, will tell !!

Travel arrangements are under way....

Just under 2 years ago... I used my blog to announce the travel arrangements that Pa (Sir Bill) was setting up.
TODAY... with regret, I do the same for myself.  I HONESTLY don't know which one will turn out to be the most difficult!
It's been a long time since I've taken on such a task, and hopefully- I'm giving myself plenty of time to accomplish it!!!  I have soooo much on my plate right now, that I will be unfolding things a little at a time, so I can manage to cover all the bases.  I have already elicited help, should I find myself in need!  The need for ticketing has come up rather unexpectedly, which explains the fact that the trip was not even on my bucket list!  I don't know of a trip I have been less optimistic of ....perhaps that helps explain a little as well.

I will keep you posted as best I can.  For now, it just wanted to let YOU know, that I know, it needs my attention to detail, and I will do the best I can to take care of things in a timely manner!!

NEVER too old or too late .... to DREAM

I didn't grow up in an environment of make believe or dreams.  There wasn't a lot of "what if" thinking or use of imagination.  There were periods when we had not a TV or radio.  There was not much in the way of paper or crayons or paints.  If it wasn't available at school, or in the scraps of stuff in the corner of mom's office ... we did without.  The reality of it was ... we lived a real life.  It was meager, at times.  It was a struggle, at times.  But at the end of the day ... which sometime came late ... there was hugs and kisses.  It COULD have been easier.  There were choices mom made that probably made it a little more difficult than it might have otherwise been- but I'm not sure it would have been better.  I might have become a different person.  Maybe a better one ... but maybe not.  Since there was always a roof over my head, food on the table, and a kiss good night...it probably resembled a more normal childhood than I realize.  The ONLY thing I can look back and see ... no, that's not right.  The thing I FEEL my upbringing lacked was encouragement!  That lack of encouragement may be part of the person I have become...and I'm not complaining.  Except that that same lack of encouragement also may have kept me from being the person I could have been.  In some cases, the lack of encouragement was prompted by the lack of finances.  I can only assume.  What would have come from an audition for the "Young Americans" if I'd been able to go?  How would my voice have developed if I had pursued the vocal lessons offered at half price?  Would the open call audition lead to anything if I had been able to follow up on that one?  Would music had been and stayed and grown in my life if I had used the partial scholarship to Chapman College?  These are questions that linger...even after all these years, and yet ....
    I am FAR from unhappy in my life, FAR from unfulfilled!  Be perfectly clear about that!  It's just a time of what ifs .... like when I watch episodes of GLEE.  I know it's an unrealistic view of KIDS making their dreams come true.  BUT- I also know that if we don't encourage our kids to dream, and reach for the stars ... we are limiting them from being all they might be!!!  sing to them, read to them, AND .... encourage them to try anything and everything they think they might want to do or be.  hug them, applaud them, and be fair & honest with them.
     As for me... my dream these days is to get healthy enough to even pursue the thought of dreaming!  It's sort of a full time job at the moment!!

Life in the passing lane

     Or perhaps it would be more accurate to say life in the slow lane is passing me by!  Certainly over these past 3 weeks or so.  Life with cancer isn't easy.  I guarantee it's MUCH easier being green!  EVEN IF I was in remission...there would be the constant anxiety of what the next check up would reveal.  EVEN IF my treatment was going well...there is the anxiety of wondering how long it would last.  EVEN IF I wasnt dealing with pain 24/7...there would be the anxiety of the normal progression of pancreatic cancer that would eventually come.   At this point...I wish I was dealing with any one or all of those EVEN IFS.  Particularly that which is behind door #3.
     We are currently awaiting word on our authorization request for a pain pump.  Medicating with oral meds is no longer affective and is present MORE OFTEN than not.  I've never been one to complain about an ache here or a twinge there.  Until 8 mos ago, I didn't know what real pain was.  Until 2 mos ago, I had never experienced true agony.  We are hopeful that the pain pump will be the light at the end of the very, Very, VERY dark tunnel I am in.  With the ebs and flow of depression, I have all but lost my creative streak.  It's like losing a good friend.  My craft studio is like a man cave...full of toys and gadgets, good music and movies, snacks, views and ....inspiration.  Without it, I'm not as joyful as usual.  I'm unfulfilled.  Being pain free affects every aspect of my life.  Nothing feels good, sounds good, looks good.
   SO, if you're not busy over the next few days...could you cross your fingers for me a couple of times?  I'm sure it will help move things along!!!

what I hear in the silence of night

The Captain and I share a LOT of our thoughts and fears with each other.  I open up (routinely) to each of my sisters.  My friends Lois & Julie have heard portions of my tear filled fears on occasion.  Even my Dr gets a sniffly dose from time to time.  But NO ONE gets it all.  NO one person hears every thing I think about, every time I think about them.  No one.
There are those who praise me for my strength & optimism.  Praise that seems unwarranted to me.  It's probably more an avoidance of the situation VS the former adjectives.  I accept the compliments as gracefully as one can, considering I'm not sure what it is I say or do that prompts them.  Some days are easier to "live" than others.  Some days, I do feel like I'm simply surviving that particular day.  I avoid "wishing" things were different.  I still tend, however,  to compare my life  "before and after" my diagnosis.  My wanting to SCREAM out loud in anger has disappeared.  But I don't see any of these things as courageous in any way.   From past experiences, I have learned that there are some things, circumstances, & events that we have ABSOLUTELY no control over.  No matter how good or bad we are as human beings.  No matter how smart, or kind, or anything.  Sometimes, it is ALL out of our hands ..... EXCEPT- how we respond to them.  How we react.  How we move on.  And for a while, we don't realize we have control even there.  This is where I take my thoughts whenever I can ... to the things, the people, the experiences I still have time for.  The memories I can still add to the photo-bank in my head and heart.  And who knows .... maybe tonight I will go out on to the lanai in my jammie pants and slippers, instead of pausing at the window or crawling immediately back into bed.  MAYBE.

R-E-A-L housewife .... IS THERE one such thing??

This is NOT the first time I've used RH as the subject of my blog (and likely not the last) ...  I make no bones about the fact that I am enslaved to what they might do or say next.  They amuse me!  I'm neither embarrassed, nor do I feel a need to justify using space on my DVR to record the show.  Let's face it, it's a cheap thrill.
The cast as a whole is still a head scratcher to me.  I have the occasional jaw drop, I've added my unsolicited opinion to their conversations,  my eyes roll, and yes ... I laugh (out loud) during each and every episode.  I have allegiance to none, although more interest in some than others.  Some are an enigma to me.  In their arguments, they are  surprised how one or more of them have changed through a circumstance or season...but as an observer outside the circle, I find that the basics of what makes each of the personalities what they are ... they haven't really changed at all.  Those that lash, those that grudge, those that avoid, those put on aires ..... still do, although PERHAPS not as seamlessly as they once did- since they've all been called out on it at some time or another.  Can I find one good thing about each of them?  probably.  Could I find one thing I find interesting about each of them. definitely.  Do I identify with any one of them?  not really.  Is there one of them in particular that I would choose to meet if given the opportunity?  YES.  (any guesses??)  Do I have enough in common to at least carry on a two sided conversation for more than a few minutes?  I DON'T KNOW!!!  - but OH ... how I would LOVE to sit on the sidelines for a few days to watch & listen.  That would be a once in a lifetime experience I could totally go for!!
THIS IS NOT the learning channel.  the discovery channel.  National Geographic, or family TV ... but it sizzles like a cooking show.  It heats up or ices down like a weather station.  It's the soap opera of Beverly Hills life.  And boy oh boy, it repeats history the way only human beings can do so well!! BRING ON THE REUNION!!!

NEW old friends, and remembering what you never even forgot!

SATURDAY was really a beautiful day, a great day in fact ......  for a lot of different reasons and, on several levels.  Since it's late, and I am nearing need of a well-deserved restful night's sleep- I'm going to keep it simple and elaborate ONLY on the group pictured here.
Varner, Peachee, Kyker, & Varner
Varner, Peachee, Varner, & Kyker
We were but acquaintances for the most part in high school, but you would not have known it from the comfort & length of the conversation we shared this day.
Relaxed, comfortable, filling ..... friendly !
On my doorstep at 11am ... and out the door somewhere 3+ hours later (I think).  There were no lengthy silences or loss of commonality - it was girl talk, woman talk, people talk- for the entire time.  I admit, we didn't even approach the problems of the world...but it was important & informative just the same, and I think we all enjoyed it equally.
The fact that the weather was perfect and complimentary to ANYTHING we could possibly have had to say is far beyond the point .... but it DID make a good day, a great one.  We'd originally planned more of an outing than my body could handle, but these ladies took it all in stride and good humor and the simplicity of just sitting and chatting was  openly welcomed by all.  I thank them for that. (and more) It's pretty heartwarming to know there are people who are happy with just spending a little time with others and not needing a particular reason or excuse, other than to just share space for a while.  I know there are probably a lot of people like this ... and AMAZINGLY, I am near-constantly surrounded by such people, but it still is a lovely and comforting gesture.  Our lives can become so congested and busy, that we forget how valuable or important a few minutes of conversation can be in a person's life.
Thank you ladies ... for your travel & your time.  Your stories full of humor & experience.  Your happy dispositions & thankful attitudes.  Thank you for all of it !!  YOU ARE what helped make a good day..... GREAT!

Schokoladenkuchen (and I mean it!!!)

I've found the word!
I can't freely pronounce it (it doesn't roll off my tongue just yet)
I certainly can't spell it without thinking about each and every syllable
But it is the word ....

When I am at wits end, frustrated, fit to be tied, about to blow, at the end of my rope, or just plain pissed off (pardon my french mom) .... THIS will be my word!
(well, that is as soon as I get it quickly from my mental filing cabinet, to the front of my language center, and onto the tip of my tongue!!)
Schokoladenkuchen !! 
I will proclaim with great ferocity, and my innards will calm.....  

I "give" you it's meaning here ... but to those unsuspecting.... I will SOOOOOO be feared! (haha)

THX Foo

(de)constructive criticism

APPARENTLY... I have crossed the line.  I've been called on the carpet.  I've been made accountable. I have to face the music.  I've talked the talk and now I have to walk the walk (on the plank).   ???, you ask?  Confused?  (I am)
bottom line ..... constructive criticism ONLY works or helps for those open to reconstruction.  In the course of my job.... I have managed, according to the .1 VS 99.9%, the total destruction of her confidence.  I immediately addressed her email to me with sentences full of sincere apology of my actions....as I would NEVER purposely direct comments meant to demean or deflate someone.

On one hand.... I feel really terrible that she feels terrible.  On the other hand (I think the left one), she went on to point out things I have done wrong in the past that are totally unrelated to the supposed purpose of her email.  On one hand, I am TOTALLY appreciative that she pointed out the affect my words had on her, but on that left hand again - that is why I was asked to do what it is I am doing.  I have worlds of experience in a field in which she is a newborn.

ALL THIS being said ... I will have a different approach when I return to my post, which (unfortunately) will be one of completely avoiding any suggestions in her direction- regardless of it's intent for the good of the group.  There may be an "I" in her spelling of team that I was not previously aware of.  AND .... I could be wrong.  (it happens)

While I am still scratching my head over this one... I'm sure life will soon give me something far more important to worry about in it's stead (she even pointed out that my illness is no excuse for my behavior?!)  SO even though it's bugging me at the moment, I have more pressing things in my life to give attention to... like, "what's for dinner Captain?"

WARNING .. Levels of effervescent witticism could be on the rise

when there are times when I'm not feeling so funny.  when the pain in my body pulls my thoughts and emotions so far inward that my words are limited and my smile seems tattoo'd on, those around me are at a loss.  Through the months since my cancer diagnosis, I've gone through changes above & beyond those visually obvious.  This "sentence" has changed my priorities.  Chemo has changed my taste buds.  The drugs, the routine - have changed ME.  In a physical way to be sure ... but also in an emotional way.  How could it not?  I am not quite as cheerful.  Not quite as silly.  Not quite as optimistic.
BUT I AM ... still VERY thankful & appreciative
of every moment, every day, every little memory or adventure I am able to wrack up- until too much changes me.
I'm not giving up- I am simply giving in to the changes I don't have as much control over as I wish I did.  

BETTER than onomatopoeia !!

ken

ken/

noun

1. 1.

   one's range of knowledge or sight.

   "such determination is beyond my ken"

   synonyms:

   knowledge, awareness, perception, vision, understanding, grasp,comprehension, realization, appreciation, consciousness More

verb

SCOTTISHN. ENGLISH

1. 1.

   know.

   "d'ye ken anyone who can boast of that?"

   
   

   

   
   

   
   

   as the Captain and I awaited the arrival of our Lil Bits breakfast entree's ... he was reading the newspaper, with an occasional glance in my direction as I played a game of Words With Friends (I usually have 25-30 games in progress).  I mentioned to him that it was surprising that so many "names" were acceptable words-and pointed out that his name was one of them.  OF COURSE that prompted him to look up it's meaning (above).  This definition is the spitting image of my husband ... SO MUCH SO that the dictionary should have his picture parked next to it!!

   
   

   I'm aware that there are parents-to-be that take a great deal of time choosing names for their meanings... beit numerology, family origins, or it's rhythm or appearance with the last name.  In this case ... his parents "just liked" the name.  But MAN-O-MAN... how could they have nailed it any better(????)  I'm STILL trying to wrap my head around it myself!

Spoiled rotten (but not smelly)

I am spoiled.
I FULLY AGREE.

And we're it a perfect world (or up to me), every single person reading this blog would ALSO be, or has been soiled as well (numerous times)!  In my opinion (the only one that counts for the moment), there should be a different word for the good kind of "spoiled".  It's a spoiled with love sorta of thing like we do with our grandkids....not the have a tantrum til you get that candy bar kind!  But I digress (as usual)

The above thought came to mind as I soak in my bubbly tub, knowing that the dinner fixens are well into production by a non-complaining, eager-to-please hubby who has left me to my peaceful hideaway, save for a couple of IMessages!  IF HE THOUGHT he could sing, he would probably be doing that as he aims for the dinner hour I estimated need of.  

PC has robbed me of the spontaneity of  just grabbing a snack when the mood suits us.  It has taken away my occasional glass of wine (mostly).  It has removed my true joy of flavor moods and replaced them with an appreciation of one small bite of this, or just a tiny helping of that.  The diabetes caused by the PC requires planning, strategy, and consideration (bummer). 

SO- while the captain still spoils himself with that extra handful of dark chocolate M&M's.....he knows that he can't spoil me in the same way.  His acts and deeds on a DAILY basis are a constant reminder of how much he cares about me.  He doesn't even see it as spoiling.  It's simply his way of taking care of me.

YES, I'm spoiled ..,. but I am soooooo much more than that.
I am loved!!!!

MONSTERS IN THE NIGHT

OOOOPS...we did it AGAIN!

IN A FEW WEEKS - this lovely Sherri Reeve watercolor artwork will be hanging over our bed!

The next step for us is to check our local framing shop for costs ... as we already know what frame style we want & the size necessary.  Sherri's gallery will frame it at wholesale cost, but the shipping from HI to CA is not cheap!  Once we check our local professional- we will contact Sherri to either send us the artwork alone- or frame it first!!!
This piece has special meaning to us because we originally wanted one very similar about 6 years ago, but opted to hang a surfboard in the spot instead.  Each year we've returned...the Captain has approached it, or one similar, and "reminded me" that we almost bought it.  This time around, not only do we have a new place to consider it for ... BUT,  we travelled here to actually see the whales this year, so it has special significance for us!  A sign perhaps?  (only if we're looking for an excuse)      
      We strolled into Sherri's gallery late this morning and were greeted with hugs and smiles...as we always are.  She is a lovely lady and her attitude toward life (and love) is true to ourselves!!  We've known her for so long.. she's practically family, and we adore her in that same way.  I always look forward to going home- but with this as my next project... it's even more exciting!  THANK YOU for your help today Sherri, and thank YOU Captain .. for indulging me on this unexpected purchase.

tropical tap dance

I love the rain ... there is no disputing that.
I EVEN LOVE it when I am sitting on the beach here on Maui!
As the bathers skuttle from the water (?) and begin deserting the sand, I just scoot a little closer to my umbrella, once I judge the angle of the showers.  I know that it can last a few seconds, a few minute, a few hours ... IT, just as I, is on Maui time ... so it will get around to stopping when it gets around to stopping.
In this case ... I am happily (and quietly) lounging alone... reading my book, having completed a FACTIME interaction with the grandkids just moments ago.  These two little monkeys (as I often call them) are full of energy, full of kisses, and full of things to tell gramma.  MOSTLY, I listen and watch...occasionally asking a question or answering one.  The Captain left in an ocean kayak well over an hour ago and is due back ... when he gets back, as HE TOO is on Maui time!  The smile on his face as he drug the yellow, canoe shaped, floatie out to the water was totally worth however damp I get sitting here, for however long I do so.
The sand showers lasted the full 45 minutes I waited for the Capt to finish "his" 3 hour tour and are still powdering us now.  We have traded the sand in for carpet and are lounging on the lanai in the warm, humid air- as dinner warms in the oven.  It is lovely to end the day this way... and I am forced to state the obvious ...  that it's been another rotten day in paradise!!

Halmark thoughts of love

 I read the words aloud from card #1 and had a shower of tears to deal with.  Once recovered, with the help of a long hug and a few kisses sprinkles across my freckled nose- the first words from the Captain were "this card stole the thoughts right out of my head"!  And indeed it did....as they were things he says to me on a regular basis.  He does not save them for candle-lit dinners or special holidays!

They are words and thoughts that come from his heart.  Oh sure, there are times when he expresses them a bit less poetically- but their meaning are NO LESS powerful or appreciated in any way.  He is a prince among husbands, as MANY would fully agree and have no challenge.  I am truly blessed that he loves me 100% of the time for 99.9% of everything I bring to our union.  He will profess that it includes that last .1%, but I know better- particularly now... as I can be more impatient with life than ever before.  I am unrelentful in my quest for simplicity of conversation at times.  I can be moody.  But in the end ... most importantly- he knows I adore him in every way possible and I could NEVER expect more of him than he puts forth.  HE IS my daily reminder that GOOD things happen to good people too!!
ODDLY, he is the more romantic 1/2 of our duo ... much to my appreciation (& sometime HIS frustration)- and I could never lack affection or proof of his devotion, even in my darkest of times.  The fact that he has found ways (and cards) to speak his heartfelt emotions is daily proof how how lucky I have been in love!  For me, for US- Valentines Days is celebrated every day together!!

but the ocean is forgiving ....

Inner peace... and...

SERENITY
is a VERY IMPORTANT entity in my life these days.  The environment that I now lounge in, is what gives me exactly that.  As close to a full body experience as I can imagine (given that it's not likely that I will ever be laying here AND getting a massage, AND listening to soft music, AND sipping something cool and sweet, AND chatting with my inner circle of friends...WHILE in this environment.  People do that sort of thing...at a price, I just havent).
But the serenity part?  I got that covered.  I can tune out the occasional bitchy couple, whining child, persistant fly, leaf blower, telephone conversation... I can, I will, I am.  The sound of the waves pulls me in, the warmth of the sun keeps me there.... in that little space between reality and serenity.  The beauty of it being that I can stay for nearly as long as I like.  Right now... I like, I like a LOT!!

Just as I left it (it my heart)

Pictures to follow In a day or two...
But suffice to say, our lovely Maui is as we left it 18mos ago.  We have found it a little greener this time of year, and a little more crowded as well, as the winter travelers escape storms of snow and ice!   As we left SFO...  the heavily overcast end, puddly views from our A1&2 seats reminded us of why that is.  Being just outside my 48 hour chemo window, I was feeling the fatigue, but with comedy seating- was able to nap off and on.  Of course as soon as we began to ascend, a surge of energy took over and from then til after a couple sips of my first Mai tai.  As is my typical nature, I was fully unpacked within an hour of arrival in our temporary unit (4 days) and ready for my Hawaii time clock to take over.
Before sunrise this morning I was aching to hear the chirping quail (some would call them screeching).  I tiptoed out onto the lanai to see the moon in full bloom, took in the fragrance of a nearby plumeria, and returned to the arms of the captain...where we laid in the darkness and semi planned our day.  Paradise has already set in for us... FRANKLY we bring most of it from home and just fill in a few gaps here!  The captain is enroute to providing our fresh, morning fruit plate, and I'm pretty sure it will be accompanied by 1/2 of a gooey, disgusting (?), sticky bun (and a vanilla Mac nut coffee)
ALOHA for the moment.

PARADISE revisited (48 hour countdown)

I can, at this very minute, make a few predictions that I would bet my life on ....

In a countdown that started as we finalized our travel plans a mere 2 months ago ... I was ALREADY thinking about some of the things I love most about Hawaii.  I can already envision the lush green of the hillsides, the rich turquoise of ocean that surrounds the islands, and feel the moisture on my skin from the humidity.  It doesn't take an imagination- it only takes experience... the experience of having been there enough times to know what to expect ... and still appreciating it.  still ... or perhaps even more so now.

I KNOW we will have a rain shower or two (or more).  I know they will cause people to scuttle from the water (?) but MOSTLY, I know it will bring us rainbows for wishing on.

I KNOW there will be tropical flowers on the dining room table... or around my neck.

I KNOW there will be smiles ... daily.  And laughter from the belly... REAL laughter, the healing kind.

I KNOW there will be MUCH lounging, sunning, resting, reading, napping, and all around "vegging out" ... losing track of the day or the time within it ... losing touch with the reality of medical bills and appointments to be kept- at least  for a little while.

I KNOW there will be sunset after sunset- some lovely, others spectacular in it's colors or design.

I KNOW these things because it's what Hawaii is all about for us.  Appreciating it's rhythm, it's colors, fragrances, and natural beauty ... from the ALOHA of it's people to everything that surrounds us no matter where we are or what time it is.

I KNOW.

another day (& memory) closer to our next journey

I remember this day .... in December 2008

The Captain and I went to the Oahu airport to pick up our friends LuLu & Bruce , who would be sharing a beach house with us for a few days during the Sweet Adelines International competition.  Later that day, Helena joined us as well.  It is one of the most WONDERFUL memories I have, made special by the company we kept in a place once can't help but thrive in.
The house, in itself, was amazing for it's view... the ocean, the waves, the constant turtle sightings- separated from us by ONLY by a patch of green grass and a lava rock sea wall.  
The competition is what brought us there ... the environment, the companions ... is what kept us there- at the house- watching the competition via internet connection, rather than live (we had the tickets already).  TO go to the convention center would have been to share our experience with others.  our time, our friendship, our own music .... we didn't want to share with anyone- we wanted it all to ourselves!  We still have all those things- USUALLY relived and built upon over a few days time each new years holiday.  With luck, and extra planning- we manage a weekend here & there too.  
NOTHING will quite compare to this trip together... but everytime I'm with these gals, we laugh (and cry) & reminisce like only days or weeks have passed, rather than months.

THESE pictures speak a thousand words to my heart... I can feel the joy, hear the music in the backround, and even smell the mist of the ocean waves breaking 50' away.  I will be seeing both LuLu & Helena the day before we fly out to Maui.  It will be like old times.. a little silly, a little wistful.  And those 2 or so hours- will allow me to feel like I'm taking a little piece of them with us.  I like that idea, I like that they adore Hawaii, and I love these gals!!  We call orselves the tripods.

(almost) Maui Ponderings of the Princess

 

JUST THE BEGINNING OF LOTS OF POSTS I WILL BE MAKING FROM "PARADISE" for the next few days.
ahhhhhhhhhhhhh .... sunshine, warm water, & sand between my toes!

BBS harmony ... Mars VS Venus ....

    The craft may have started with male voices ... but it's likely a female was standing behind each of them ... pushing & encouraging them to et up sing.  While women seem to fall for a guy who sings to them ... I don't know of any instances where the reverse took place.  Or at least none that were interesting enough to write a movie script for!

    I am am a big fan of a handful of men's BBS quartets and I always look forward to seeing & hearing the Dapper Dans when we are in the Disneyland park.  They are not the cream of the crop- but they are certainly a respectful & talented representation of this cappella music style.  In this case ... I was also drawn to their costuming... ever so typical for the musicality of their trade.  A few years back, I was part of a quartet that used the stripes & 4 complimenting colors for some of it's outfitting as well.  When I saw the guys this week... it brought back some very fond memories of that combo of women!

     FROM the magical world of Mickey & Minnie- the Captain and I moved onward to a coaching weekend for the chorus I'm a member of.  The Central Coast Celebration Chorus (CCCC) ... sporting it's signature hot pink, we were in the company of the husband & wife BAKER winning team (& they BOTH have plenty of gold medal-blue ribbons to prove it!)  Through 10+ hours of aching feet, throbbing lower backs, & full bladders ... the chorus moved ever closer to medals themselves in the upcoming March regional competition.  These two take no prisoners, and as the session progressed, their tongues sharpened and their expectations of what the chorus is capable of continues to rise accordingly.
     HOW MUCH we will retain as we come together again for our regular Tuesday night rehearsal- remains to be seen ... but personally, I have ALREADY sent out a reminder of what WE should expect from ourselves!!  NO steps backward, only forward... however small ... ONLY forward from here on out.  We need to pull up our big girl panties and march toward competition with a vengeance and a commitment to be present, to be ready, to be at the top of our game.  It's truly a team event- there is no one person that can win the blue for us ... but there are 27 individuals that can lose it .... if they don't prepare.   I'm counting on each and every one of them, & I want them to know they can count on me!!
    GO FOR THE GOLD ladies .... to aim for anything less than that is letting yourself down!!

return to the (ALMOST) happiest place on earth

THIS WAS our 4th trip back to Disneyland, in less than 6 months.  It wasn't that long ago when the Capt and I wondered what brought our nephew Jason (with Shar & Delaney) back here numerous times a year with the seemingly same excitement everytime.  I STILL DON'T KNOW that answer ... but I understand it, if that makes any sense at all!  It's the same for us.  WELL, on a slightly lesser scale perhaps, but the same yet.  Sometimes we are more looky-loos than riders.  Sometimes we are active participants in line standing.  Sometimes we are squealing with joy.  (well I am,  the Capt is a smiler)  We vowed to get our monies worth with season passes and by visit 2.5 we had done just that ... now we are ahead of the game and ALREADY looking at March or April dates for the next outing.... hopefully with at least the grandkids if not a few more family members!
For WHATEVER reason, we often affix an"excuse" for planning our trips here.  POSSIBLY because we need more reasons than just being here to get us past the thought of LA traffic!!  That being the case, we planned this one with my birthday in mind (even though in reality, it was attached to a Long Beach bound obligation).  Having the "Happy Birthday" princess DeDe pin as a routine part of my park wardrobe- allowed us a couple of extra perks (aka pounds), and we got LOTSA extra smiles and greetings throughout the day.

     WE HAVE DECIDED that Disneyland, although always a happy place for us, is frankly NOT our happiest place on earth.  It's probably a VERY close 3rd or even 4th to those places nearest & dearest to us "Those" being our own home, ANYWHERE family is, & our precious Hawaii.  But being 4th ... or even if it were 6th or 7th ... does not diminish the child-like joy it brings into us with each visit there.  It is not our home away from home, as it might be for the Buchanana's .... but it is growing fast in our choices of nearby (ish) destinations).

    I find that with each return ... I see things with a different eye or NEW eye.  And OFTEN,  I see things I never noticed before.  I love that part of it!  It makes me smile, it makes me cry.  It makes me feel a little bit younger.  AND, oddly, I have fallen in love over again with my Captain with almost every visit.  something he says or does ... I can't even elaborate, it just is something that blessedly happens.  (I love that too).  This man-o-mine has tricks up his sleeve HE hasn't even fully discovered yet.  SOME of our daily decisions and choices are new territory for us both, and he fully commits to making each and every possible moment count these days.  I would think it to be exhausting ... he takes the task on with ferver and delight (lucky me).  WHILE SO MUCH IN OUR LIFE is heavy of heart, being in Mickey-ville lightens the mental load for at least a few hours (and often days).  As for the expense of it all ... friend Kathy G would proclaim ... "the balloon vendor has to buy shoes for her little girl too!!"  The simple pleasure I achieve from snapping pictures of a critter or a floral patch is worth reliving through my stories, my scrapbook, or even my thoughts as I drift off to sleep at night.  It's the kind of things MY dreams are made of.
    MUCH like our trips to Hawaii- there are places within the park that we revisit ... even only weeks later, because of their element of wonder for us.  Some of this comes from conversations shared regarding trips with the grandkids. They are brought up numerous times throughout our wanderings.  The Captain, once a reluctant grandparent by his own confession- is now fully immersed, at times even more so than I.  He is totally in love with them and already saddened at times in expectation that s-o-m-e-d-a-y they won't want to hang out with us!  (I don't even want to think about that!!!!)  Lastly... for the moment at least- I want to praise ole Walt for his vision ... yea, sure, I wish I was a family member first and foremost- to have had an automatic outlet from my creativity, and free admission for my entire life.  BUT MOSTLY because I can only imagine how much joy & laughter his parks have brought into the lives of so many.  I, honestly, could have lived my whole life without going to one of them ...  if the Wonderful World of Disney was still being broadcast- but to have witnessed first hand their affect on children of EVERY age... I have to say that (finances not withstanding) having Micky, or Goofy or Princess Jasmine's arm through yours to snap a photo together ... really does transport one into a fairytale world.
   I hope we have several more excursions ahead of us... both on our own and thru the eyes of our grandchildren.  For now- I have enough sweet memories from this trip alone to last for quite a while. Thank you my Captain, for making a typical Wednesday ... NOT TYPICAL in any shape or form.  ILY

Happy Chemo to me ..... Happy chemo to me ....

what a lovely way to spend one's birthday you might comment sarcastically ... but, depending on how you choose to look at it- it PROBABLY is the right way to spend part of this day.... given my medical circumstances and what I stand to gain.  That being TIME.
Afterall .... when one celebrates a birthday, they ARE- in fact, celebrating the passing of another year.  of more time.
TIME- it's what we think about more often than anything else overall ... the desire to have as much of it as possible, as long as quality is part of the deal!  and besides ..... Jan 28... is just another date on the calendar.  Last year ... the number 6-0 seemed awfully big, awfully old too.  Not much was made of the milestone, and I was fine with that.  Hearing Happy Birthday in excess only reminds me of how much older I am physically than I am mentally.  But up to & including last year .. I was betting on at least 15-20 more birthdays.  Low & behold dear ones ... betting is not only less than lucrative for ones pocketbook, but the outcome can also be less than promising .... case in point!
HOWEVER ... as I sit here singing Happy Chemo to me silently ...  hoping it will not be the last birthday I celebrate, but MOSTLY, thankful I am here to sing it at all.  With so much of the unknown looming ahead of us, I am thankful for this day, at this time, in this moment ... to be here with my Captain.  To have had the weekend with our grandkids.  To have had the sunshine on my face.  To have had sand between my toes.  To have felt laughter come from deep within.
Lucky, LUCKY me ... in many ways!!

the BIG 10 ... and I'm not talking about basketball!

As retirees long standing (now) ... every day is what used to be our "weekends".... appreciated for the slower pace, do what we want schedules they represented.  NOW, we have those days when we need to look at the calendar or an electronic device to determine the day of the week it is.
BUT OCCASIONALLY ... there is a highlight to that good ole fashioned weekend that reminds us how special they used to be.

WE motored over to Bakersfield to spend time with the boys, and even more specifically ... watch the grandkids play indoor soccer. On separate teams (age brackets) of the same name (Bombers) ... and BOTH wearing #10 jersey .... chosen by their daddy who ALSO wore the #10 in his young days of the sport!  BOTH kids were excited and prepared, to get onto the court & expel some serious energy.   Addyson, being new to the sport, lacks the skill that will come with experience, but makes up for it in drive & enthusiasm.  She's ever-ready to get in the middle to mix things up.
Anthony, in his 2nd year of action, exhibits the finesse of the sport, but is less aggressive to be in the thick of things.  BOTH possess the team spirit, and BOTH keep on ticking til the clock runs out!  It was a great way to spend family time ... from lunch in advance- to toasting good sportsmanship with frozen yogurt afterward.
It reminded me of the MANY years of spectatorship I spent with their daddy & his brother ... both having started the game before they turned 5.  The beginning roots were planted thru AYSO and continued through club teams playing year-round and high school seasons in the bitter cold & heavy fog!!  I was a dedicated parent, and have a lot of great memories (and injury stories) as mental trophies.

SPORTS on this level are a great way to keep kids busy & in better physical shape than their game-box counterparts.  The lessons learned about team work, sportsmanship, and discipline translate DIRECTLY into the real world as they grow and mature into adults.

Winning is not as important as learning to work with others toward a common goal ... learning that hard work pays off in the long run.... learning that sometimes the success of your game is not necessarily reflected by the ending score.

a letter to my Lo ...

some times .... that "thread" that finds its way to connecting people, lands in the most surprising places.  SOME TIMES ... it floats (I assume) about so transparently, settling as light as cotton candy on unsuspecting individuals.  I know not how it happens in reality.  I only KNOW it does.  It's happened to me many times in my life- although, oddly, only in this past 2 decades of my 6 decade existence.  Perhaps it is because I am at an age when I can most appreciate true friendships  ... or perhaps it's happened when I needed the connections most.  I don't care to analyze it- I just plan to bask in the fact that I have been so very lucky to have the experience of it.
    What seems like a mere couple of years ago,  I was INTERJECTED into the Celebration Chorus just seconds before a regional competition (so to speak).  All things coming together this late in the game- I needed a roomie for the weekend event, and as luck would have it, Lois volunteered indirectly for the gig.  That was  the virtual beginning of the sisterhood we share today.  Before that, I knew only what I observed.  She KNEW everyone in the group.  She KNEW about ALL the goings on within it.  And SHE had a hella-sense of humor!  AFTER our stay together I KNEW these were all facts rather than assumptions .... and more ... so much more.
THAT was about four years ago (I think), and now ... our friendship seems as if it has been our entire lives!  SO HERE, MY LO - this one's for you!!
YOU are one of the most important people in my life.  I couldn't tell you exactly how, why, or when it happened.  Frankly it doesn't matter.  ONLY that it has, and I am eternally grateful of such.  You bring a fullness (and sometime freshness) to my life like no other.  That I have other friends I value equally has no bearing on what my life would lack if you were not part of it!  I adore you.  I wish I could remove the pain & stress that sometime envelopes your day.  I don't know how you do it sometimes, but you always have time for me.  You are so much more than you realize. (to SO many)    
    Our shared humor, our sisterhood is priceless and unmeasurable- and I find that just a day or two without some connection of typed word or such seems much longer at times.  I can never repay you for what you have added to my life, but I will try ... the best and for as long as I possibly can.  But no matter what-  ALWAYS remember how much you mean to me.  IF life were fair and just..... you would be wealthy and eternally happy.  BUT THEN ... if what you have been through is part of what brought you into my path ... then I'm sorry for your struggles, but not sorry for your arrival, I admit.   I love you and I hope to be attached at the hip for a long, LONG time!

not a wonderland - but WONDEROUS indeed !

ok, OKAY - sooo this time last year ... or even this time last month.. the area was completely blanketed with snow. BUT there was very limited evidence til we got to Truckee, BUT -  all that really meant was my nose wasn't glued to the train window!  The first leg - from San uis to Oakland was trouble free & relaxed. S-L-O-W, I admit, but who's in a hurry? (ok, maybe some people were ... but not us)
Our overnite stay (10 hours worth) on the bay brought us RESTED, to the Emeryville station for a 9:30am departure on Friday morning ... inching us ever-so-closer to "picture-ville" that afternoon.  I can't honestly say that an arrival in Reno normally has any element of excitement for me.  I do not feel the pull of the roulette table, or hear the bells of a winning slot in my dreams.  But fortunately,  IT was not our intended destination ...

Coming over the last of the California mountains as we officially entered Nevada, my breath caught midway past the space that used to host my tonsils... with the first spot along the way where the snow was untouched and glistening.  A slight shiver traveled down my spine as I thought about the chilly temps now surrounding us.  Uh oh .... did I bring my long johns?? my mittens, my UGGS ???  burrrrrr

(niece) Dionna was ready & waiting at the station to snatch us up & load us into her curbside parking space (what service) and the drive to their home in Carson City would have been brief, were it not for the stop at RENO HARLEY DAVIDSON.  A T-shirt and poker chip later ... we were on our way.  As we neared... there were signs of a serious December storm having dropped a significant amount of powder, and the cool temperatures that have kept it on the ground for nearly a month.  ONLY recently the weather has been more temperate enough (by area standards) to melt it down to patches instead.

 Part of our entertainment package included introduction to Miss Payton, AKA Tyler's "baby" girl.  As an added bonus having booked our trip early, we were witness to her recent date with boyfriend Sherman .... please note I am speaking here of Payton, NOT Tyler.  That clarified.... it was determined that Sherman was markedly more excited to see his girlfriend than he was accurate in what was hoped he would leave behind- so a subsequent meeting of the behinds has been set up for the two of them.  With nature & a little luck, we will get news of little chocolate kisses arriving a couple of months from now.  We've officially been invited to the "showing" when the time comes... but my fear of having an episode of cute aggression, could inhibit that visit!  Time will tell of course ....

While nephew, Eric may assume he is the man of the house ... it is quite obvious to me that it is Sir Cinnamon that holds that position hereabouts.  The house clearly belongs to him when he so chooses ... up to but sometimes including his puppy Payton.  They are loving companions in this family dynamic.  Cinnamon, being the typical keen feline, knew immediately that the Captain was a mark that could not be missed when it came to a stroke, a massage or a piece of jerkey bacon.  He appears to be a marginal football fan .... but will put up with it for a soft lap to nap on.  He's a beautiful puddy tat with eyes as gold as his coate and a personality just as radiant.

Our visit has proven to be overly strenuous for the guys at times ... leading to male bonding while packed into the mini recliners in the tv room.  We've found that only cooking aromas wafting into their space seems to revives them.  (just kidding ... this one was posed)

Lastly (for now) - was a great outing to historic Virginia City yesterday (pictures to follow at a later date)  Gunslingers, bar maids, suicide table, ghost sightings, gold mining .... you name it, they got it!!  AND  a trinket to remember this wonderful trip by (gee, I thought a photo or two would do that?!)

AS Wednesday's child... my guardian angel is Raphael and I now have a beautiful medallion to remind of it any time I choose.

In this last 24 hours of our visit, I have also spent time with my oldest sister, which was long overdue and quite enjoyable too.  Tomorrow, we will once again board the train for our journey homeward.... with little doubt that we will have more pictures to show for our time, more conversation between the Captain and I about our time, and the hopes and wishes that we will have a lot more time .... for visits like this one!!

chuga- chuga- chuga- chuga .... tooot, toooot

YESTERDAY afternoon, we were off & running with an on-time departure from the SLO station, having been taxi's there by Ms Jules.
 Across the dry fields & valleys we travelled ... continued evidence that we are in dyer need of rain.  serious rain!
I clicked off a few pictures here & there, then took to reading, puzzling, gaming, & napping- with the occasional glance up to see where we were or how the landscape had morphed.  As evening fell, we made reservations for a dinner table in the dining car & were seated with a couple from our neck of the woods- on their way to Oregon.  It was comfortable and interesting conversation, and we bid them a good eve & good travels, as we returned to our assigned seats a couple of cars back.  The 6 hr travel seemed shorter than actual & we arrived at the Jack London Square station on time, with just a short wait for our hotel shuttle.  It was an overnighter stop that allowed us to start up travel today fresh & alert, so we can check out what might really be the interesting scenery once we leave the confines of the Bay Area.  This morning, we leave out of Emeryville Station, with Starbucks in had and a chocolate donut stashed in my bag.  My yogurt & fruit will wear off WAY before noon!
ONWARD we press ......