Or perhaps it would be more accurate to say life in the slow lane is passing me by! Certainly over these past 3 weeks or so. Life with cancer isn't easy. I guarantee it's MUCH easier being green! EVEN IF I was in remission...there would be the constant anxiety of what the next check up would reveal. EVEN IF my treatment was going well...there is the anxiety of wondering how long it would last. EVEN IF I wasnt dealing with pain 24/7...there would be the anxiety of the normal progression of pancreatic cancer that would eventually come. At this point...I wish I was dealing with any one or all of those EVEN IFS. Particularly that which is behind door #3.
We are currently awaiting word on our authorization request for a pain pump. Medicating with oral meds is no longer affective and is present MORE OFTEN than not. I've never been one to complain about an ache here or a twinge there. Until 8 mos ago, I didn't know what real pain was. Until 2 mos ago, I had never experienced true agony. We are hopeful that the pain pump will be the light at the end of the very, Very, VERY dark tunnel I am in. With the ebs and flow of depression, I have all but lost my creative streak. It's like losing a good friend. My craft studio is like a man cave...full of toys and gadgets, good music and movies, snacks, views and ....inspiration. Without it, I'm not as joyful as usual. I'm unfulfilled. Being pain free affects every aspect of my life. Nothing feels good, sounds good, looks good.
SO, if you're not busy over the next few days...could you cross your fingers for me a couple of times? I'm sure it will help move things along!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment