your opinion, my opinion ... the right opinion

When I was in middle school (previously known as jr hi) ... I was "courted" by 2 boys at the same time.  Coincidentally, both name Craig, best friends, & church mates.  For a few weeks, we pal'd around ... the 3 of us, for school events & BOTH of them walked home with me everyday.  One of them.. clever, a bit plain- lived just a few blocks away, the other ... very cute, good dancer- lived a couple miles in the opposite direction.  Honestly, I was quite content having the company of BOTH of them .... infact, thinking back- I'm not sure I was ever with either of them- without the other??  But apparently their patience wore thin & I was asked to choose between the 2.  To make this long story a little shorter (?) ... I picked the wrong one.  I found this out at a time when we were all part of a larger group of kids at one of their church events.  Being from a different religious backround ... but interested in learning about those differences.  My "boyfriend" talked  about how there are many different ways to view/interpret the bible & not everyone has to believe in the same thing to be a good Christian.  All this sounded pretty open minded ... til he finished with a statement that somehow sounded like I would burn in hell if it wasn't the same way his church believed ... ouch. There is more to the story (though not more time to the relationship afterward) ...  but I find that even as adults, many people say, (but mean) ... in much the same way.  It's cool to listen to your opinions & you are free to express & have them ... but if they aren't the same as mine ... you're wrong!  I hope that I don't put own thoughts or opinions out that way ... but it's sometimes the way conversations are conveyed to me. 
Years ago, I learned as a manager/supervisor that I had to find a way to critique performances WITHOUT comparing them to how I would have performed the job.  Just because I might learn to do something after a couple of tries ... doesn't mean they would.  I needed to develop a way to judge the quality of their work by "themselves".   
At this point in my life ... with the years I have left lesser in number than the years behind me, I make decisions based on that fact.  It's my "life is short" mentality.  I still pick my battles carefully ... but more importantly, I am setting priorities for those people or things that mean the most to me or I am most passionate about-  not everyone is going to be onboard with my choices ... but afterall, that's why they are called "my" choices.    right?!

89 ... but who's counting ...

today was SirBil's birthday.  (11/25/23)
BUT THERE WAS NO CELEBRATION, no fanfare, no cake & ice cream ..... only a mention between two who miss him much ... and a long hug.  I have hopes that he is truly in a better place, surrounded by many who love him & without difficulties or worry.

in my own way ...

as would be expected ... our holiday celebrations have changed over the years.  MANY have been wonderful, most really nice ... none quite as sweet in my heart, as those we had when we gathered at my mom & dad's house for our traditional Thanksgiving meal.  The crowds were large back then, the noise level high, the love immense.  Mom would rise long before dawn to prepare the bird, fix a big breakfast to tide us over, & dramatically shoo us from the kitchen throughout the day while she cooked. By mid morning, 6-8 of us would be playing poker to pass the time ... then "shuffle" our chips into cool whip or tupperware bowls when duty called to set the table!  Every dish presented to the table was made from scratch ... with decade old recipes.  The meal was long, relaxed, & hearty ... sometimes a bit rowdy with home-made dinner rolls being tossed from one end of the table to the other.  Mom would chastise us ... but in ernest- I think she enjoyed every bit of it!  We would try to get her out of the kitchen during clean up- but she wouldn't have it ... so my sister Bev & I usually assisted by containing the leftovers and wiping down counters.  THANK goodness there was a 2nd fridge in the garage or we would have been peddling them on the corner!  After the food comas faded, the poker game would resume, with mom & dad joining us.  Youngin's would wander in & out of the family room & be chased off by their "granny" (even though grampa/dad was sometimes pulling them to his lap for a looksee)  As the little ones grew, families relocated .... tradition began to change and the numbers dwindled some.  Then one year a health issue kept mom on the down low & one of my sisters prepared the meal at her home.  It was lovely (she would have made Martha

Stewart proud) and we all embraced the holiday ... being especially thankful that mom pulled through fine.  Since then ... the festivities have moved a couple of times.  Family members wander in & out through the day, with work, in-laws, & logistics tugging at the length of the stay.  It was still pretty darn great, til 2010, when we lost mom less than a month before Thanksgiving ..... it was more subdued (although yummy as usual). This year?  ..... well, this year- the little train that could... stopped in his tracks and I'm thinking it's probably the turn around for many of us.  We lost dad in the spring and I can feel the difference in myself.  Of course there are schedules & travel & grandkids around the corner of time that are changing the dynamics of the holidays at this end of the calendar.  Right now, some of the "zip" is gone, and I'm thinking some new traditions are forming amongst us.

I suppose this is to be expected ... what with grown-ups who weren't even born when the above mentioned gatherings were the norm.  It just feels a little odd at the moment.  BUT- without a doubt or hesitation ... I DO have a great deal to be thankful for... one of them being that I can still hear the laughter of mom & dad during the family times of fall & winter !  I hope they will be with me always ... in the corner of my heart reserved especially for them.  HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

MISTAKES repeated ... I'm glad they're not mine!

Once upon a time there was a family.  A mommy, a daddy, & 2 adorable little boys. Life was good.  There were picnics & birthday parties, little league games, soccer tournaments, pizza Fridays & celebrations.  They were the perfect little family ... respected adults, well behaved kids, lots of social friends. 
Until they weren't. 
Somewhere, somehow it unraveled.  The daddy was "broken" & he didn't want to be fixed.  He walked away from his family ... leaving them sad, & frightened, & bewildered.  In time ... he made a new family that he shared occasionally with the little boys.  But it was never the same again, and the little boys grew into young men that wondered why he chose someone else, instead of them.  Truth be told, so did the mommy for a while.  But he never explained, never apologized, never made up for the hurt he caused.  The young men are long grown now ... one with children of his own that he has ALWAYS chosen above all else, and this mommy hopes he always will- for I see the scars it's left on his brother's heart.  The daddy has recently made a choice again that,s opened the wounds never fully healed, and it's hard to watch the pain it causes... particularly because I cannot mend the damage, I cannot make up for it.  I have done so before & tried many times over (more than they know) and there is only so much I can do.  It's frustratingly, overwhelmingly, sad to see what being selfish can do to others.  And I know, that it leaves a hole in one's heart to somehow feel you are unworthy or unimportant enough to be put first ... I know this, because I have been there myself.  Sometimes it can't be helped, although in ALL cases here ... it could have been.  I would hope it is never to late to heal.  I would pray for the same.

this picture's worth a thousand tears

one of the most precious things in my life are these little munchkids here! 
I logged on to facebook a few mintues ago .. to check in with a couple people before heading off to read in bed- and caught this photo posted by my lovely daughter-in-law, April.
It brought tears to my eyes.  I hope to see these two in just a few days.  It never seems soon enough.  never often enough.  never long enough.  I miss them, especially the first couple of days after they leave.  The house ... pleasantly in order & quiet at that point ... also seems empty and a little gloomy.  FOR ME- their laughter & hugs are better than chocolate!  This is a wonderful picture of Addy & Anthony ... it captures their sweet, mischievous, & cheery personalities so perfectly. 
Lucky, lucky me to be part of their lives !!

there has got to be a BILLION better ways ...

COULD WE NOT be just as compelled to vote for candidate A or B with only debates on TV ... could we not be BETTER represented by a "real" John Smith who is able to run because there is a reasonable limit on campaign spending?  AS MUCH AS I want to protect & honor "my" president ... does he/she have to live in a house (mansion) that costs over $30,000 dollars a day to run???  (and don't even get me onto the subject of paying & protecting them for the rest of their lives after they leave a 4 year job!!!!!!!!!!!!)  YOU WANT TO BACK A CANDIDATE SPECIFICALLY?  pay their back taxes, pay to investigate their personal life, pay someone to teach him/her what the people they are SUPPOSEDLY representing REALLY need, pay someone to teach them to answer a question in direct english!  Hand out a survey to the people that work for them in the private sector, & to the people they represented before.  Harder yet perhaps ... find an honest, moral, compassionate person(s) to advise them, not a staff of overpaid, often underworked "yes" people.
AND- kick everyone out of the senate & house that aren't present to vote on bills at least 90% of the time!  I PAY them to be there, and I don' appreciate them coming & going as they please, voting for their own raises, and IN FACT voting on issues they have no understanding of or that which will have NO AFFECT on them either!!  OMG ... I am sooooo not looking toward this election !!

come & gone

     SO much has come & gone the past few days ... some good, some not-so-good- the bottom line being that it always seems that the more difficult & sad memories seem to haunt us, while the joyful ones tend to fade away with time.  Most significant- was the anniversary of my mom's death.  Even here, I hesitate using the word death .... is sounds less sad somehow to use the word "passing". Though other events having passed lately are potentially far more enjoyable (and plentiful), it's mom being gone that returns to my thoughts on a regular basis. The heaviness of heart pops up at the most unexpected moments and oddly, not in the best of ways. 
     I believe EVERYONE wishes they had just a moment or two longer with a loved one once they're gone.  One more hour, one more conversation ... as do I.  I have so many questions.  Questions that were brushed away long ago, that I would have pushed for answers to if I had but a notion that mom was leaving this world so suddenly.  questions ... that no one else can answer now.  I am working at letting thes things go, with little progress ... but I'm trying.  BUT- it's not just for me that I wish there had been more time!  I wish it even more for my kids ... who adored their granny(& have lost ALL their grandparents now), & for my sisters who feel the hurt deeply, but most of all for my dad who needed to get used to the idea of losing his constant companion before she was torn away from his everyday life.  The 18 mos between events (he has since died) ... was nearly unbearable for him.  SO- I may have not made a big deal about the 2 yr date of her departure, she was in my thoughts- deeply rooted... and while I will never have the answers I seek ... my resolve to put them to rest will win out ... eventually!

why Katie Holmes should date my son!

I read an article recently that indicated that Katie might be looking OUTSIDE the entertainment field ... when she's ready to date again.  Given the fact that #1 ... I certainly can't believe everything I read and, #2 ... SHE certainly is NOT going to be reading my blog- I figured I could say pretty much whatever I want to say (like I don't already).  And THAT brought me to deciding that she (Katie) should REALLY consider dating my son! (Terry)  Although I posted an adorable picture of Katie ... this is not the best one of my cutie-patootie, but that's not the point here.  She should be going for substance VS beauty anyway.  and I don't mean the substance that is often abused by those with the money to load up on it- I speak of character, integrity, respect, compassion, and with regard to Terry ... you can add a wicked sense of humor on top of all this!!

 

He's hardworking & doesn't mind it having to be that way- to earn a living & pay ones own way.  Nothing's been handed to him in life.  He's had (more than) his share of heartache & is still in search of Ms Right!  At this point- he is used to having a lot of time to himself, although he has a huge circle circle of friends.  He's never been seriously involved with anyone ... partially due to his work schedule, partially due to the scars from his father's divorce from me.  But he's a great guy.  He's great with kids.  He's easy going.  He's loyal to his friends.  He's clever.  He's smart ... and ... as you might have guessed ... his mama loves him!!! 

KATIE- you better grab him while he's still available (and semi-trainable ... haha).  I promise to be a great mother-in-law!!

do come again ... soon

recently ....FOR THE 1st TIME since March 22, 2007 ... I was in the presence of M. Elizabeth Irwin.

I've waited for a long while (much to my surprise), but it WAS worth the wait.  Pa had mentioned numerous times that he felt mom was near or that he could "feel" her ... but til now, I had experienced neither.  Prior to our vacation departure ... I'd struggled with the possibility that this trip, (made possible in many ways by these 2 people that are now gone) .. would be emotional at times, but I was (still) totally surprised when mom "dropped by".... and it WAS emotional!  Let me tell you, it's not easy crying when wearing a snorkle & goggles. 
I learned on my first trip to the islands that mom loved moorish idols, so I've always seen them as "her fish".  Behold, on our first day in the water ... she was there.  NO, I MEAN ... SHE was there!  I called out to her involuntarily, and the tears started to flow.  I was happy & sad at the same time.  I could go on to describe the other visits too ... but the first & last ones were the most significant.  A few days later- we were breakfasting on the lanai when I saw a couple of tiny, colorful birds that I'd never noticed before.  Attracted first by their sweet song, I looked up to see a couple of them playfully tracing figure 8's between hibiscus bushes.  I pointed them out to the Captain, but I'm not sure he got much of look at them.  Later that morning, we visited our friend Sherri at her gallery/studio in Makawao.  We sauntered about looking at her newest creations and I was stopped in my tracks when the Capt pointed out a painting that he thought mom would have loved ... there they were ... the birds I'd seen that morning!  There's a lovely story behind how the art came to be ... but it was the fact that MOM was the connection between the 2 events that stuck with me.  (and the sculptured piece will be arriving here in the next couple of days!)  My heart is still full from her visits with me, but in the back of my mind ... I am hoping that I don't have to wait another 5 years for a repeat.  And yet .... inside ... I also know, it will be worth the wait!

even the 13th time was charming

a few days ago- the Captain called "our" anniversay restaurant to make a reservation.  He indicated to them that we have spent nearly every Oct 17th having dinner there and wanted to make sure we had a front row seating for the sunset dinner.  Not only did we get a great table, and many well wishes, we also were served a congratulatory flute of champagne!!

RIGHT ON SCHEDULE, the sunset was presented before us and we were not disappointed.  It lasted nearly 20 minutes and turned our champagne to gold!


Supper was as wonderful as ever and dessert? Well, see for yourself ! NOW- time to get some packing done for tomorrow's departure. Aloha to our 5 Palms Restaurant for another couple of

"you betcha" ... the abridged version

as is our tradition when we are here on Maui on October 17th .... this morning, we walked along the beach to reach our wedding house.  After searching around the beach for some hidden treasures- we stepped upon the grass, offed our slippahs and took our place in the circle of palms, where on this day 13 years ago ... plumeria & orchid petals were sprinkled about and we said our "I do's" ... CORRECTION ... I said I DO ... the Captain said "you betcha" !!

2 year years ago .. I knew I would feel just like this!

me .... 24 months ago when we gathered up with friends at the maitai party here at Maui Hill.  I have a smile on my face then, I have a smile on my face now, and I WILL HAVE a smile on my face again/still when we return 23 months from now.  THIS is my life ... not the cocktails, not Hawaii, but the smiles.  They are part of my every day life.  We have our struggles as we have lost loved ones, so there is sadness to deal with at times ...

BUT ... with every sunset,

there lies the possibility that the next day will begin with a wonderful sunrise.  FOR ME, with the amazing friends, family, & home environment I am surrounded by- I CAN expect a wonderful sunrise!! Our travels & good fortune is frosting on the cake ... Humor & respect are the key for the Captain & I.  We laugh every day, & respect the passion we each have that is not a common interest!  It has "officially" worked for 13 years!