moments turned sweet memories

I'm snuggled into a queen sized bed aside my hubby who reads intently … something about tomorrow's weather to be sure.  He mumbles a word or two now and again, but unless he turns my way, I assume it's a comment- and not a question directed  at me…. so I type away without giving attention to his words.

I decided I would wander through my dropbox to see if I needed to whittle it down a bit, and, I found myself reliving some of the moments captured.  I noticed in doing so- that sometimes the memory surfaced visually … by way of seeing the "what's next" in my minds eye, while others had a physical response of  a taste in my mouth, a sigh, a tear, a smile.

The moments caught are special or significant to be sure, but the thought behind them is what then brought the memories to "re-life", you might say.  The memories are to be cherished and precious each in their own way.  The reason some of them have come to become moments… perhaps not so wonderful.

In FB chatting with my brother-in-law earlier today- he commented that he was envious of our recent bout of travel & adventure … albeit for not the best of reasons on our part.  And he's pinpointed the reason for this entourage of memory making outings we prioritized our life with.  Diagnosis of a terminal condition will do that….if you're lucky.  I've heard situations where such a sentence has debilitated someone to an extent where they practically withered away instead.  That's not happening here.  I am fighting to hang around for a while, to be sure … but MORE IMPORTANTLY, I am living as much as possible for however long it is possible.  The Captain is making sure of that, even with my occasional kicking and screaming through the expense of it all.

With the naive notion that my initial type 2 diagnosis could be remedied with weight loss and activity, I embarked on a healthier lifestyle shortly after my BIG 6-0 hit the calendar …. low and behold the hard work put into this "plan" uncovered s

something far more serious and … well … deadly.  I suppose I can be thankful that it did so at all, or perhaps I would otherwise be prolonging death VS life at this point.  BUT, I still have my moments of anger and dismay that it's happening at all… why me?
Well …. why not.  There is no scientific why.  That alone pisses me off more than anything.  And yet, it also means I couldn't have done anything to prevent it…. so I can't kick myself in the ass either.  There's no point in wasting my time "what if-ing" !!
SO- instead … I am resolved (somewhat) to wracking up a few hundred moments that perhaps will ALSO become memories for those I eventually will leave behind prematurely. With luck (and a great deal of hope on my part as well) … there will be some moments in print or pic that evoke a giggle, a storyline, likely a tear … but mostly … a memory to hold close to ones heart.

I've had a few firsts these past months, and there are more planned in the near future that I hope to be around for.  There are times when the eventuality of my condition is but a passing thought … times I relish the most because life is not "all about me"  at those times.  I've never wanted life to revolve around me.  I'm more of an us person really.  But the beauty or enjoyment of some of them come not only from the new experience, but with those I experience them with.  Those who have chosen to spend a little extra time with me on this journey.  Those taking time from their own normal lives (oh to have that normal again) …. to be with me.  WOW

Whether it is the general of my army, friends turned more like sisters, sisters building new bridges, or of course my ever present president of my fan club (the captain) …. the time I have left- however much that turns out to be, is a wonderful time for all the moments it builds for me to carry on to where I go next.  I know not what I believe with regard to that…. but if nothing else more dramatic, I can dream about where I've been, what has made me smile & laugh out loud, and the people who have brought me such joy and love in my life.  It's a heck of a ride that I hope last longer than statistics predict.  I'm hoping that purpose so many speak of ….. has yet to be filled, and I have some living left to do!!