my roses look like calla lilies

Retirement has made it possible for me to take time to stop & smell the roses every day ..... and I'm trying to convince my Captain to do the same. The process is moving quite slow. He lines up too much to do, then adds to the list. That's too frustrating to me. I set my expectations far lower than that. He & I think differently on this subject. Lately, I have stated to the Captain on at least 3 occassions that if something in particular consistantly DOES NOT meet his expectations- then he should either lower them, or change his reaction to the disappointment. He scoffs at this, and I scoff at his frustration. Our scoff encounters are all in good humor, but it's another example of left brain VS right brain. Mars va Venus. Rattled vs relaxed. It's why he has more gray hair, (and less hair for that matter), more wrinkles, more headaches, less time, and always, ALWAYS ...... a much longer "list". Years ago, when I was working 50 hr weeks- it was important to make lists so that I stayed focused and organized enough to get everything done. When I went to part time, lists enabled me to know at a glance how much more I could add to my plate. Now, my lists remind me that there are still things to accomplish on a regular basis. And on my list somewhere .... in some way .... for some amount of time ..... is the opportunity to once again, stop and smell the roses, every day.

the circle of life- my version

As children, it's pretty rare that we appreciate the care & worry that goes into the parenting. That which keeps us healthy & safe, and rears us to become responsible adults. More often than not, we don't realize how well it was done until we are adults. We are, (most of us) particularly unthankful (and somewhat underserving) of the love, devotion, & patience through our teen years. Constantly testing and stretching boundries. But, for the most part, .... everyone comes out at the end, though perhaps a bit more wrinkled & gray haired .... to love each other in our own way. And in the best of circumstances, also showing that love and appreciation routinely back to our parents. For some, that is continued well into our adulthood as life comes full circle and we, in turn, are using the tools we learned from them .... with them. That is, they are now the ones needing the guidence to stay healthy & safe. But as adult as we may be, there is still some learning to be done. Although the premise is the same .... the means to it's end is not. We are not teaching them the laws of the land. not instilling morals or ethics. But we are parenting by way of guidence .... to lead them to the watering hole. We are helping them to help themselves. We are there to advise, when asked. (and gingerly we do so ahead of time on occassion) And sometimes, even against their wishes, if that's what's needed. And ..... herein lies the greatest challenge of it all. They are chronologically adults, having earned the right to make their choices. UNLESS (due to illmess or condition) they are in teenager mode). Then, with all respect intended ...... we cant' always allow it. Sometimes we have to be the bad cops. AND ONCE AGAIN ... when all is said & done, you hope that at the end of the day everyone knows (or is told) that it is out of love. and choice. and the belief that it will keep them healthy & safe .... & be around for a lot longer!!

determination & lotsa caffeine

WHILE I AM staying focused on my Project 365 (and early Bday pres from my sis) ..... I DID need to post these for the sake of the

friends that took part in the day and are dying to "see" why they enjoyed it soooo much.

quirky kat .... 1 sardine short of a picnic!

this ..... is Popoki (aka POKI, Yellow Kitty, Big Lion)

and he's superstitious. ADHD, OCD, PDQ .... or something.

Now, I know what you're thinking. He's a cat, he has habits. Silly Habits. BUT THAT'S NOT IT. I have stated on many occassions that he developes a habit, only to change it as soon as you have pointed it out. THIS is different. THIS is pure & singularly .... POKI behavior that I speak of now. The only common denominator is that it all seems to revolve around food. Let me explain, and you be the judge!!

EVERY morning .... he walks along my side of the bed and stops about waist high to me and stares. I sense him there, but if it's earlier than usual ... I pretty much drift back to sleep. He walks down the bed, across my feet- up the other side, usually about chest high on this trip. I open my eyes and he takes another step closer and eases in for me to pet him. If I stop, he walks back down the bed, across my feet & up the other side for more. If I don't respond, he taps at my pillow repeatedly. If I still don't, he walks across my stomach to the other side & taps again. MOST of the time, he is purring the entire time. Now I agree, all of this is just one of his habits or routines. The funny part is, if the Captain reaches out to pet him, he jumps down and waits, cries out, paces, & cries out some more .... cuz HE KNOWS the Captain is likely to be the one to get up & feed him! He will NOT let the Captain touch him on the bed before breakfast!! Again ... habit. BUTTTTT .... when you walk toward the kitchen (which is a straight shot once you come down the hall) ... he WILL NOT go straight in. He makes a left, around the dining room & a right into the kitchen. EVERY TIME. Even if he happens to be in the kitchen already when you start down the hall, he comes out & goes around to the other entry. That's odd-cat #1. The other cat-stance is at night. The movie ends, the music starts up with the credits & Poki pops out of a sound sleep to head into the kitchen for his bedtime snack. (it's like he hears the clock chime or something) Only not straight into the kitchen (which in this case IS THE ENTRY he usually comes in) .... he walks to the left a-r-o-u-n-d the dining room table ... then into the kitchen. without fail. One time .... he came straight in & just as I was pointing it out to the Captain- Poki stopped and walked out & around the table & back in again. SERIOUSLY .... this is one OCD cat!!!

1+1= 4

First thing this morning I finished the last of the wrapping needed for
our journey to celebrate "Christmas in Bako". That accomplished, my
next goal was to pack up all of the holiday decor to get it back into the

attic. Between the 2 chores, I lost count at 20 trips down stairs or up to

the attic. HENCE .... by lunch time, a little help was in order. I have a few things
left to do but I am pleasantly surprised at what I was able to accomplish!
SOME DAYS just go a little more smoothly than others. YAY 4 me.

letting go ....

Most often ... the concept of letting go has a negative inference surrounding it. But that's not always the case. The need to let go may have come from such .... but the act of letting go can be the first step to a life that is far from it. In most cases, I imagine, life brings a little of each. As in mine.

Letting go of the childhood dream that my "real" father would find me and have an amazing story of how he had travelled the world endlessly in search of me. Letting go of the dream that I'd make a mark on the world that everyone I knew would be in admiration of. Letting go of the picket fence fantasy of the perfect marriage followed by 2.5 children and a golden retriever. letting go of body issues. letting go of being the constant go-to girl. letting go of always trying to please everyone else ahead of myself. letting go of past hurts that affect the present. Many, and in fact most of my conscious letting-go campaigns have been significantly improved (if not totally successful). It's not easy, & not instant.

My current work in progress is the set of flickering candles the Captain brought home before Christmas. Knowing that come warmer weather, I will relinquish them without a second thought ... at this point in time, I find myself comforted by the mental warmth they create in my environment. Mentioning this, the Captain told me he liked them as well and to keep them out as long as I like! problem (?) solved. ALRIGHT- in all honesty, the candles have nothing to do with anything at all on this subject. I do like them and I do currently have them sprinkled about my studio. BUT, I am trying to let go of the fears and ties that are keeping me from returning to my music. I remember only too well how much it once meant to me. I know the therapudic & emotional outlet it once provided me. It's hard work and joyous at the same time, but there is a little tug-o-war going on inside me. And .... a soft sweet Betty like voice urging me forward. SO- rather than letting go of the joy it once filled me with, I want to let go of the ties I feel are holding me back. In this case, I am letting go of those little recordings that tell me to be scared .... in favor of the one that encourages me to take the 2nd step.

tackling the post-Xmas chores

Over the next few days .... I will manage to catch up & tuck away (as a result of) Christmas. In spending time doing this, I will again need to catch up on other things by this time next week. But after that .... it will be business as usual.

Things are moving right along, but it will get much worse before it gets better, and have a few trips to the attic in my near future.

.

Rather than waste more time at the moment ... I'm gonna get back to said chores right now. It could be a long day ahead.

tah-tah but not goodbye

and another girl's weekend came to a close today!

.

It was actually our annual ring in the new year with the tripod couples time .... but the guys know (and agree) it's really all about us women!! There was some outdoor activities (when weather allowed), games, late night chats, & over indulging meals .... but best of all- keeping company with people we tend to only see 2-3 times a year. Jokes, sarcasm, advice, soap boxing, teasing, laughter, & learning are all part of the curriculum .... culminating with hugs by & with all. And they we hope our lives allow us another shot at it before long. Thanks gals (and guys)

and the music plays on (I think)

Tonight, at the urging of my husband, and accompanied by two of the most musical ladies I know .... I sang. I made music. Less than I used to. FAR more than I have in a very long, long, long, long, long time. (as the Captain would say). I was as nervous and anxious as the new kid in class, but excited at the same time. So- as I have MANY times before .... I have to thank these 3 people for pushing (a little) and encouraging (a lot)- to get me to take this step. I know now that the music is still in my heart and just needs a little warming up (and a whole lot of exercising). TY to the Central Coast Celebration Chorus for making us feel welcome tonight!!
Watch out region 11, here I come (I think)

Christmas is starting to fall apart!!

this little trail .....

is a result of this not-so-little tree
that

met
it's
demise

today.
All in all .... the tree was in pretty good shape (I think we brought it home around the 10th) .... but (nearly) all good things come to an end. AND THIS CHORE is never really a fun one .... til today! My singin' buddy Smurf & I watched The Witches of Eastwick while we were stripping the tree of it's adornments. It seemed to take no time at all and bestest .... the living room looks bigger (and cleaner). Even though I am not ready to clear out the holidays completely (since some of the glam will disappear) it will mean our visit with friends are coming to an end for this time around.

It has been a really warm & enjoyable holiday, even though there were loved ones we lost this year. They WERE with us by way of traditions and stories..... but it's not quite the same of course. NOW .... time to shift into the 2011 gear. It's here, & we're hoping to make it an improvement over this past one. Time will pass and those we lost will be less in our thoughts and MORE a part of our motions & deeds!!

glorious VS gloomy

rainy, rainy day and ..... it's beautiful!!

some may see this as a gloomy.

NOT ME!

The greens against the marble grays of the sky are rich. The lights in our house are cheery and bright against the landscape. I love, love, love it!!!

2010 is kicked to the curb!!

NOT only did we make it to midnight without losing anyone's interest .... we made it to 1am and had only lost one (and Marlo, I promise not to tell that it was YOU). By now, everyone else is tucked safely into their beds after a dinner feast of lasagne, dessert of apple-cranberry crumble top cobbler (the 4 C's), a 2 hour ROCK BAND event that had everyone involved, and the midnight toasting of champagne. A couple episodes of Twilight Zone and there was an occassional snore to be heard .... along with a lot of yawns & eye rubbing. For a bunch of old folks (and a spunky teen) .... we did a pretty darn good job of starting off 2011 with lots of laughter.