ADDY the cupcake

Little miss Addy .... every inch a girl.
EVERY OTHER inch the diva.
And still more inches are taken up with mischief!
.
As the younger sibling to brother Anthony- she is wiser than her near-4 years ... and considerably more competitive than he. She keeps score on who has/gets the most ideas, french fries, & hugs ... but readily shares when coerced. She's stubborn, but if you give her a good reason, she will back off. She just wants to be heard. She is always thinking. You can see it in her eyes. And just before her thoughts are complete, she starts chattering. Continuing until SHE is done ... without pause. SO IF she's quiet there is one of 2 things going on .... slumber, or calculations. She's (SORT OF) a picky eater. She likes chicken, cheese, apples, raisins, bananas, juice & milk ... but unbeknownst to her ... we have found that telling her any meat is chicken- works great!!! (for now) She is quick to pout or burst into tears .... but just as quick (thankfully) to cuddle or squeal with joy. And she loves holding anything chenille!
SHE IS our very own cupcake, our grandaughter ADDY.

Exceptions to the rules

it started sprinkling as I left home this evening to meet a friend for a stroll around downtown SLO. Ah ... no big deal, we'll be ducking in a store or two anyway. The visit, a little shorter than either of us preferred, came to an end about the time nature's tears were more persistant, along with a strong breeze. Timing is everything (once again). I needed to be home to check in with Pa- for meds, fluids, munchies duty. If I dallied any longer ... would be thinking about him constantly anyway. All was well in hand on my arrival & I sat downstairs with him for a while to visit & watch some TV. We could hear the chatty taps of the rain against the windows. It was loud enough to interest little kitty who sat, in a near-hypnotic trance, atop the window sill for nearly a half hour. Come time for his last med ... I wandered "back home" and closed up my design studio.
Therein lies the exception. I love to listen to the rain. I love being in a quiet, comforting, light subdued space, alone in my own creative thoughts. Under the majority of circumstances .... this would be my first choice at such a moment. These are usually the nights I am still cutting, clipping, fashioning, positioning, & gluing late into the dark hours (or wee ones of the morning sometimes) - but on this particular evening .... my Captain is away on business and I feel his absence. During the daytime, and including the early evening, it's nice to have "unaccountable time" ... when I lose track of the clock. When I do what just seems natural to do at that moment, without schedule- but when the skies are black, & it's time to shuffle pops off to bed, check the locks and fold down the bedding .... that's when I notice the emptiness of the nest. Without the in-person "goodnite my love" ... it's the exception to the stay up late, craft & design, relish the solice, rule. So this particular rainfall, was less appreciated than most.

"DAD" ... by my definition

THIS man- is my Dad (I call him "Pa" ... most of the time).

He took on this hearty task when I was 11. Within the first year, he had me wrapped around his little finger (although he might profess the same about me). There came a day, 6 years later when he & mom were contacted by the donor that should have been responsible for me (at least on some level). At the time, I remember mom telling me that dad was scared he was going to lose me, but he encouraged me to explore the opportunity being presented. (I was 2 the last time I was with him) And it didn't take long for this other person to prove he was not father material. My "real" dad .... by my definition, is this man you see here. He has always been there for me. Always loved me with all his heart. He even shared his green eyes with me! Most importantly of all- he has never turned away from me. Never abandoned me, in any way. He is .... TRULY .... my dad!!

Too old for helmet hair???

CERTAINLY not!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Captain & I took a spin yesterday out on to REAL streets. This thing is going to take a little getting used to, and my age .... fear is an underling factor. (to be conquered I assure you)

The Captain doesn't understand this- he's been riding Harley's since he was 14. A little scooter cannot possibly go fast enough to ruffle his feathers! But me .... I feel exposed & a little like the wind will whip me right off the bike. SO- I remind him (often) not to push me - I will get (and love) the hang of things in due time. And he- well he wants it, & he wants it RIGHT NOW.

be patient young warrior ... it will come!

what I remember (and not)

I was brushing my teeth this morning & for some reason, it gave me a flashback of when I used to stay with my granny .... she was a stickler for brushing 3 times a day! Then my mind began to wander (big shock) and I had other thoughts & flashbacks from my childhood (what brought this on?). I noticed that some of them were less than happy memories and it got me going. It's often said that we remember the bad things so much easier than the good. Like when someone has poor customer service .... complaining to 10 people about the bad experience, but gush about something good to only 1 or 2. Sad, but true! I was hoping that I could change that ... and I suppose that if I consciously tried, I could overcome that ratio .... but with passing thoughts, maybe not. I've mentioned before that I have gaps in my childhood memories. Perhaps they weren't defining enough ? Or pivotal. I don't really know & I generally don't dwell on it either. When I think back, I see my life (under 11 yrs old) like a picture book that I'm fanning through. Quick glimpses of this time or that. Often not chronologically accurate. Some with motion, like when they draw cartoons in sequence & flips the pages quickly. Even as I type, there are snipits peeking into my subconscious for an opening to presents itself. Here they come again .....
a babysitter that spanked my brothers & I even when we explained (& showed evidence) that
we were late because I fell off my borther's bike and skinned my leg knee to ankle
skating at Rollerama with my grampa (he went backwards to face me)
cutting holiday shapes out of construction paper & adding glitter
standing in a frilly white dress in the middle of a crowd of adults in a Catholic church
having a murphy bed as my bedroom (and sharing that)
a store bought dress AND a new pair of shoes ... on the same day!
a big back yard with a dog that looked like a coyote- at my older brother's gramma's house
walking with both my brothers from the bowling alley (mom's job) to Chicken Delight
riding a bicycle with a basket to my younger brother's grandparents' house to get fresh parsley
watching stepfather (joe) slap my step brother & sister with a belt
grocery shopping with my granny & grampa every Friday afternoon at Mayfair Market
singing Puff the Magic Dragon to my mom (with my brother), when she was trying to fall asleep
late night drives to P.O.P. with my mom& brothers for her to pick up their accounting books
a lot of corn flakes, cold cuts, & soup
sleeping in mom's office at the bowling alley
moving at least once a year for a while
and more ..........
but I'm glad that the memories are primarily good ones. Whether the gaps are due to not-such-good times doesn't really matter to me. I am who I am and I mostly like that too!
SO- in reading an article the other day that our brains have about a billion neuron capacity & that it takes 1 neuron to make a memory .... then I probably have pushed aside those "memories" I don't find necessary. Cuz I used them for things like remembering the taste of a perfect honeydew, the feel of a cool breeze on a warm summer day, the aroma of sweet peas, the feel of Popoki's fur, or the word LOVE .... these are the what I was my neurons to store away for me!!

The bittersweetness of Mother's Day

BRACE YOURSELF ... THIS COULD BE a long one ... grab a cup of coffee & a snack!!
As one would expect .... my mom has come to mind even more so over the past few days. A year ago, I would have spoken to her at least a couple of those times, maybe even be sitting in their living room right now, making fun of the fact that she went to bed at 7pm and left us to our own devices! But that was a year ago .... today, she isn't around to call, or appreciate us making her the brunt of our jokes (it's not the same when she's not around to tell us to "go to hell"!)
She died this past Halloween.
She left, without saying much, without much warning, without much fuss. Just slipped away. Dad's been hit really hard of course, and my sisters have moments when it's difficult for them as well. And me .... well, I tend to journal or blog or sometimes ... sit or take a walk, in silence, on my own. That's my way. That was my mom's way as well. I saw it when her mom died, just as it repeated itself when her father, step father, and my brother each died. It was how she handled the sorrow, I suppose. Just as I do. I am like my mother in other ways as well. I don't believe I look like her, although once (only), I saw a resemblance in a photo that was taken. But there were similarities that we never really talked about.

.. I was 11 when my younger sisters were born. Here we are at Hart Park .... probably Mother's Day 1965. The family was very big on holiday gatherings at the park. Mom was pregnant with what would turn out to be the "last of the litter" you might say. Her 6th & final child. Mom told me once that she had also experienced 2 miscarriages. One before & one after me. Hard to imagine there could have been even more of us!!! The twins (Cindy & Lindy) got off to a rough start ... premature & a life threatening illness for the latter ... but with me & my brother Steve around to help (mostly me) .... the extra sets of hands were a big plus. Mom & Dad (not my birth father but most definately my dad) soon would be back to their bowling & bingo schedules so I was an ACE LEVEL babysitter in no time at all. It was to last all the way through my high school years. (and then some*)

When I was the age of my 3 sisters here (the youngest is Lisa)- I was the center of attention in my granny & grampa's lives. My older brother spent a lot of time with his own dad & gramma- my younger brother was living with his own father as well, and mom was working long & hard hours .... leaving me with G&G for most of the school breaks & summer. Even if we weren't off camping somewhere ... just being with them was some of my happiest & most vivid memories. I always felt special. Eventually, there came a time when granny was suffering from osteoporosis and heading out to the park was no longer an option. By then .... I had lost my grampa, & granny had remarried. He was "the" grampa for the girls, because of the timing in their lives, but I never really warmed up to him. I'm the one taking the picture here ... probably Easter 1972. I was married and STILL babysitting my sisters before & after school* ..... til later that year, when I moved to Fresno.

Time passed (duh) and I became a mom myself.

The girls were all teenagers by the time this picture of Terry & Chris was taken in 1981. AND- believe it or not .... they had likely spent the better part of every summer with me up to this point*. I had been motherly for a great many years, even before having my own kids!! As the birds left the nest- mom & dad started spending more time away from their home (camping) .... and my kids were to have the benefit of those years with them. When I was their age .... mom was too busy trying to keep food on the table for me to have much time with her, (before she met dad) .... but during these trips with my little boys .... she blossomed as a grandmother (eventually, she became "granny" to them). They adored her, in spite of her gruff personality and cackling laugh. She was a constant for them. They got the best years of her life, and I would have it be the same again if given the chance to "what if". I may have missed out a little, but she more than made up for it with them and I love her for that ... and much more. I love her for the late night talks when I got to know her again when the boys and I lived with them for a while in the mid 80's. I love her for giving dad the happiest years of his life. And I love her for instilling in me the best parts of herself. I love her and .... I miss her. Everyday.

Mom, if you haven't already ... could you find Betty and keep each other company til I get there? (give each other a big hug) And if .... either or both of you wanna float on over this way & give me a sign ... I would love it. XO Happy Mother's Day.

Cinco de AMAZING!

It still surprises me that a taco can taste sooooooooooooooo
much better, when I'm sitting across the table from our friends & neighbors !! CHEERS to great friendships.

viva la Lisa, Julie, Rich, & Danno............... WE LOVE YOU GUYS!

the tale of 2 mangoes

take 2 goddesses (yes, I practically worship this fruit)... use your tactile senses to find them equally compressable (for lack of the right term), coloring similar (although the experts say the color has little or nothing to do with the ripeness), same variety, same this, same that ... and yet. Once they were cut (thank you Captain) the meat of one was significantly lighter in color than the other, firmer in texture, with a slight tang to it's flavorful sweetness. The 2nd was more of a melt-in-your-mouth, oooh, ummm variety .... go figure (and enjoy)

frosting does a cupcake make .....

I've been cooking DeDe style (a little) lately. Which loosely translates into "the way mom used to cook" ... getting an idea of something, then throwing things together along similar lines!! My 1-eyed sailor supreme a couple days ago ... and today .... super strawberry muffins. When you live in a community that is certainly the strawberry capital of the Golden State, you take advantage of the HUGE difference between store-bought VS the right off the farm goodness of this beautiful berry. We had no sooner brought home a partial flat, when a strawberry fairy showed up at our door .... meaning MORE of this colorful sweetness to enjoy!! wooo hoooo.

SO- this morning, I whipped up a short batch of strawberry muffins. BUT when I presented a muffin to the Captain, he wanted to know where the frosting was (?) Which began a whole new conversation with my Einstein (which means he needs a haircut) .... "yeah, it may taste like dessert ... but "without frosting, it's a muffin", I replied. To which he commented that cream cheese frosting would taste r-e-a-l-l-y good on them. "yes" (I stressed), "but frosting would make it a dessert, and then you would have to wait til after lunch to enjoy it". He didn't understand or agree with that. (and let's face it .... who am I kidding? I had peach pie for breakfast a few days ago!!)

internet interuption interjection

HERE I state that having been without an internet connection for the majority of the day, was probably very helpful in accomplishing things outside the realm of technology. So, while a few times .... I confess .... I DID wander in & check the connectivity .... I really wasn't disappointed when it was still MIA. I WILL ALSO INTERJECT HERE ... that having it back in working order is really (really) nice too !!
HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO EVE!!

victor 122 -1010

the Captain takes his volunteer work much more seriously than I. He is at the top of the phone tree when there is a call out, so 80% of the time it happens, he is out helping.

ME .... not so much. I pick & choose. I am (probably) a more typical "volunteer". He's been out at 4:30am to post signs or run caution tape. He's been on his feet for 10 hours at a time. Me?? (once again) .... nuh uh. I have done the 6 hours thing and ... liked it - WHEN I'M DONE! No, seriously ... there have been times when I am A-O-K and loving it ..... but after the first 3 hours- I can think of a million things I could be doing at home. This may change with time .... but this retirement thing is still feeling new to me, & I approach it differently than he. With regard to the Captain- the ONLY retirement he's experienced is that of his pay being retired ... since physically, he is far more active than when he was working (brain work) In a given week, he is likely to have been on a hike (or 2), kayaking, paddle boarding, biking, gardening, & a (walking) patrol (or several). HOWEVER ... the point of this post was to point out that volunteering to be the police presence at a local arts/crafts gathering this past Sunday was frosting on the cake for me ..... we were out in beautful weather, gorgeous scenery, & amongst people who were there to relax & enjoy the same. At the end of our 4 hour shift, we grabbed some kettlekorn & headed to our own slice of heaven to spend the rest of the day! not bad eh??

twins- born 15 months apart ... (my sisters)

You often hear about twins that share thoughts or feelings simultaneously. The closeness they share, the simularities between them , etc

well .....

I have 2 sets of twin sisters (in my eyes)

1 set that was born on the same day and are as different as gray & white (not quite black) and the other set was born more than a year apart. The latter have a routine with each other. They have the same rhythmn. They spend a lot of time together given the distance of land that sits between them. I understand what they have .... I had the same with my older brother for a lot of years, and now with a couple of friends as well. But I find myself still a little envious from time to time, because it's a little different when it's between sisters. It's special. Perhaps more permanent. and yet .... these are the kinds of relationships that are born of each other and not formed by plan. It's the kind of friendship that everyone needs in their life to keep it balanced & full. It's a beautiful thing. carry on girls!!