in any moment .. a smile, a tear

Approximately 5 weeks ago the phone rang & a familiar voice asked me if I was home alone.
My stomach knotted up.
It hasn't relaxed since.
Since that call, seemingly only a few days ago .... I have been poked & proded, questioned & requestioned, drawn from, labeled, drugged, pictured, tattooed, analyzed,  informed, and directed.
I have also been hugged, prayed for, hugged, counseled, hugged, advised, hugged, educated, hugged, and ..... loved.
I prefer the latter, although for reasons much simpler than what brought them on!
I have cancer.
Saying the word is easy - now.  Because, afterall, it's a fact.
But I'm not resigned to it.  I'm pissed off.  REALLY pissed off !
However, I also know it is what it is, (I'm getting tired of that phrase) and being angry is of no value or benefit.  So while I agree it is one of the emotions I feel- I will not let it monopolize my thoughts.  BECAUSE .... it is a waste of time, and I hate wasting time on something that gets me nowhere!  My head is not in the clouds, I know I can't beat this monster, but I'm not gonna let it win every fight along the way either.  I am gonna kick back at it as hard & as often as I can manage to AT LEAST bruise it's ego!!
At this point in time, being realistic is a little more important to me then being hopeful.  It might not be the same approach as YOU might take .. but then, this is ME we're talking about!  Don't confuse it with giving up or giving in ... as I am doing neither.  I'm just making sure I understand what I'm up against so I carry the right weapons!!  If you'd like to join my army ... lemeno!!