elated anew

the post title ... sounds almost like a french name or something, but it's actually a feeling. For nearly 3 weeks before Christmas I was so excited about the smallest of things. the right ornament placed here. a pretty bauble set there. twinkling lights. festive music. ribbons. digging out holiday recipes. special visits. extra family time. I was brimming with warm fuzzies 24-7. Along the way an email arrived and with great anticipation I opened it up. Seeing it was more lengthly than just a season's greetings made my heart beat a little faster. A tiny voice inside cheered gleefully. But as I began to read the words, the joy melted away to an overwhelming feeling of emptiness and I started to cry. I wanted to counter some of the words and question others. I wanted to know more and hurt less. It was not the Christmas present that one would wish for afterall. And the sadness lingered. and lingered longer yet. until I realized that it was not my sadness that was dawdling .... but rather the sadness I felt for the author. I tried to imagine how difficult it must have been to put the words out there. I still feel an ache when I think about the email, but I am coming to terms with the fact that sometimes there's no way to heal another's pain. at times, it's too late for explanations that might lead to understanding. particularly when the reason or source of the pain is gone. I wish I knew the right words or had the answers (I am known to often have an answer for everything). But I don't. And while I have great empathy .... I will eventually be less tender on the subject I suppose. sympathise without obsessing you might say.

And tonight, pleasantly exhausted ..... after a heavy day of housecleaning, a fish N chips refresher from our fav place that's always closed between turkey day & Santa's coming out party every year, a piece of pie that sounded amazing but was slightly over-rated, a movie that was sweet but probably meant for someone 40+ years younger than I, and the anticipation of seeing 2 of my favorite people tomorrow ..... has me feeling that feelin' again and I am relishing it & welcoming it with open arms. I am (I say with with a fuzzy heart) elated anew and loving it!

DON'T BUG ME (aka: the nurse is in)

At the moment, I have a couple of bug infested fellas living with me.

Pops has a heck of a cold & we've got him on meds to prevent pneumonia from sneaking up on him. Low & behold ..... by today, the Captain is pretty miserable with a few symptoms himself. I find this predicament both worrisome & bothersome at the same time. For Pops, it is an exhausting condition and he requires a little extra TLC to make sure he eats enough (of the good things), takes his meds & treatments as he should .... while still encouraging him to move around a bit. Mostly I worry more about him at night. Wondering if he would call out if he needed us, or is he doing everything he can to keep warm & stay comfortable. With the Captain, it is altogether different because he is sooooo rarely ill and just as rarely sedentary .... that he is not a very patient, patient. Between the 2 of them there is noise abundant with coughing that sounds like a bull horn & nose blowing that sounds like a moose call. The kleenex & tylenol is all gone, the trash cans are full, I have no more room in the fridge for more chicken soup & my hands are chapped from using anticeptic cloths!
OTHER THAN THAT .... all is well at our place! haha

what's in a name? SOMETIMES .... a lot.

IF YOU CAN'T READ THE WRITING (and you want to) .... click on it!!!

lost time, lost friends, lost love & loved ones

We call ALL certainly relate to this post.

My thoughts started when I decided that today woud be a good day to see if Netflix has the LOST series on instant play. I'm tidying up my design studio and it's been a really long time since I've seen it. Years ago, it was one of the programs that I recorded each week so that when I returned from my commute in the Bay Area .... I would have it to enjoy at my leisure. In those days, the Captain was still working (and living) 3/4 of the time in Sacramento and I was alone a lot. We lost that time together, but we made up for it by appreciating what we did have. Anyway .... although I do have the series playing as I type here .... I continue to think about other loses. And, as a result, I am not getting my studio cleaned up. THAT is not of major concern to me, because somethings are more important than others. more timely. It's lost time- but it's not wasted. And it's not a loss that I will concern myself with or lose sleep over. For other losses, I've done both.

Loss can be painful. At the very least it can be unsettling or confusing. Ultimately, it generally has to be accepted. And to accept does not necessarily mean to forget or dismiss the importance of the loss. Sometimes .... it just is what it is. THAT MUCH, I have learned.

The past .... well that's exactly what it is... past. You can't get it back, you can't have overs, you can't even make up for it. But, I do believe that it's never too late. Never too late to apologize, to explain, to ask questions, to forgive .... or to start over.

If a loss has changed who or what you are ..... and you suffer because of it, then you have to confront it. Otherwise, let it take it's course. You may find that you are the wiser, tougher, or more peaceful as a result. Feeling lost. Feeling loss. Both human, both painful, both temporary .... unless you give up. Don't do that.

rain-y, reindeer, reign-ing in

While the Captain & pops contemplate an eggnog before supper .... I am enjoying the rain, watching a movie about a reindeer, enjoying my own cocktail .... and thinking seriously about post holiday calorie intake deprivation. and I do mean seriously.

HOWEVER, for the moment ....

I have decided that it is far more appropriate to take pleasure in nature's musical storm, and the treasures & treats of the season without guilt .....

A week from now will be plenty soon enough to move more, eat less and live healthier.

yes Santa .... I loved "my" Christmas present

It's been a quiet day.

JUST PERFECT after the frolicsome & lively grouping we were part of last night!

As we have gotten more mature(?), our idea of Christmas morning has redefined itself. As much as I loved the early morning excitement when we had small children around (while I was MUCH younger of course), the relaxed, easy going, sort of sneak-up-on-you approach to the holidays that we are getting closer & closer to .... has MUCH to be appreciated. There is less shopping (which ='s less wrapping), less stress, & more joy in some of the simpler things that accompany the holidays. We have spent festive time with family & friends (and have more planned), plus more time enjoying our own home, and I for one- have really enjoyed it!

my facination with the turning of a phrase

I'm into a novel on my Kindle that continues to intrigue me because I can't figure out where it's going. That's makes a book particularly interesting for me. The author, Lisa Unger, uses phrases that are almost poetic. If I am reading at night and feel myself getting tired, I often read on, planning to stop when I come across another bouquet of words. I read them over & over to absorb & remember them. (who are we kidding, I write them down). Sentences like "memory gets pulled like taffy in it's retelling" .... or "memories in shades of gray or sepia, that change color with current events". Oh that I could turn such a phrase. That is now a goal of mine ... to create such texture with sentences.
And speaking of what is now on my mind ..... I first have to express an AHHH ...... because we are back home and plan to stay put for a couple of weeks. I like that thought. It's a little quieter here than it has been for a few days and that, in itself, has it's own set of pros & cons. Young Anthony was returned to the nest today. The pros of said event is that he is with his sister, mommy & daddy for Christmas. He is at an age when you can explain more about the reasons & the spirit of Christmas, and his appreciation for the decorations and neighborhood light displays is sweet. His curiosity is in high gear and I can get him to do just about anything if I add an element of mystery or difficulty to it. He likes a challenge. He respects the boundries (I just have to remind him a couple of times). We had a list of things we wanted to explore/share with him during this visit but the time passed so quickly (and the weather didn't cooperate) :o( Todays day trip also allowed short visits with a couple of the "kids", and my dad as well. Lately, he's been a little under-the-weather emotionally. (and I doubt he's played dominoes since mom died) But with a little time & extra attention, he was doing better today and we had a nice chat. The trip felt like a double rainbow. Full of hugs & holiday wishes.
But NOW, the hallways here are quiet, and Anthony's blanky & favorite toys are tucked away for the next visit. Looking around the room, there is no evidence of his visit at all, except that both the cats are out in the open and not sneaking around corners checking if the coast is clear! By this time every evening he was here, he was usually asleep on my lap, or tucked away in bed already. He's a snuggler and I already miss him. (although I admit, I do like the idea of sleeping in tomorrow!). Here in lies the 'con' of the situation .... that it will be a while before his giggles & questions once again bounce off our walls.
SO- while I was neglectful of some chores or DeDe Do's while he was here, it was wonderful (& exhausting) none the same and .... well, tomorrow is another day to do my stuff !

Thanksgiving Soup

rainy day ...

chill in the air ....

the smell of cookies baking ..

wrapping presents ......

listening to Christmas tunes ..

playing with my grandson ...

hanging with the hubby ....

thinking about family ....

shopping for new PJs .....

.

what could make the day any better?

DUH .................................................

HOMEMADE soup & noodles!!

you got it :o)

the boys of the house were busy as bees

We headed out to the grocery store (in the rain) right after breakfast, to get supplies for the chore that "the boys" decided to dive into. And so it shall be ... that the kitchen was taken over by the Captain and his first mate- engulfed in about 3 hours of serious cookie batching. 4 flavors and an anticipated 360 cookies resulting. WELL, that is if his official "taster" (seen here) didn't do too, TOO, much tasting!! Last I heard, the Captain had received 2 thumbs up at each level, and I'm sure his first mate will continue in his official capacity tomorrow or Wednesday, when they hit the oven!

so then .... Anthony says .... "gramma, pretend this box came in the mail and it's for you" (then he promptly curled up inside it and asked that the top be closed.) Of course the Captain couldn't just let it go at that. He believed that when the mailman delivered the box (?), it be inspected, tapped on, & rolled over to make sure it's safe to open it. A giggle or two escaped from the package ... so we decided we should open it to check things out!

It's amazing what they send through the mail service these days!!! It wasn't even even labeled fragile.

thru the eyes of an (occassional) angel

THIS little man has taken up temporary residence in our household as of this evening. He has actually been with us for the past 2 days, but we were traveling to visit family up north and arrived home just a couple of hours ago.
He is quite the gentleman. Often saying "thank you" or "excuse me" without prompt. He is funny & smart (and a little stubborn), and ALWAYS loving & affectionate. He doesn't like being wrong (or losing at games or puzzles), but usually open to learning or getting explanations- if you are patient enough to break thru his protective shell. And he is a great traveling companion. As long as you have a pillow, plush animal, some writing tools, & an ear for conversation .... he's your man. He'll snack on apples, raisins, & gold fish. Nap (likely) after a couple hours of travel and be in good spirits without asking "if we are there yet" for your average 4 hour drive. And ... most precious of all (well, besides the fact that he is my grandson that is) ... he helps us see things through the eyes of a child. Simple, imaginative, wide eyed innocence of a mind that is totally open to learning and seeing new things. What a gift.

the princess, Santa, & the Tazmanian Devil

What an evening .... 17 family members, about a $100 worth of pizza & beer, little kids, big kids, kids that are no longer kids, talking, visiting, laughter and .... HO-HO-HO
As luck would have it, Santa happened to be scheduled to show up at this particular place while we were there. The little ones, facinated, but timid at first .... soon were begging us to let the go & talk with him (soon- it was more like stalking, than talking!)
Our grandson, Anthony- watched a little longer than the others & I could hear his brain clicking away.. formulating, calculating .... and by the end of the evening, he announced that he was "pretty sure it was a real Santa" when I asked how he knew, he told me that he'd seen a lot of pretend ones at the stores and other places, that he knew weren't real (although he neglected to elaborate why). He also confided in us that one of them might even be his dad, since HE has a Santa suit. (uh oh).
By this morning, he had (apparently) given it more thought and decided that, due to Santa "having the wrong shoes on", was NOT a real one afterall. However, he was cool with that because he was pretty sure that it was a friend of Santa's. Anthony also insinuated that there are times when Santa is so busy, that his mom has to deliver some of the presents on Christmas. The 3 little ones -AKA: the princess (Delaney), the Taz Devil (Wyatt), & ACE (anthony) ... gave Santa a run for his money. They had questions, plenty of Christmas wishes, & requests for pictures. BUT THEY ALSO were pretty wired up by the time we left .... given the soda pop & candy canes!! AND GUESS WHAT ?!? we get to do it again today (minus Santa).

Hawaii blooms on our lanai (in a snow storm)

OK, OKAY .... there was no snow storm.... but it was cold! (well alright then .... cold for the central coastline)

all that being made clear .... the WHOLE POINT to this post is to show you the picture that almost does justice to what our hibiscus plants look right now. They are, oddly, VERY happy in this spot on the lanai. For that reason, we have left them there- despite the fact that they were originally planned for my serenity garden. What a gorgeous sight thru the glass doors to see this AND the ocean!