elated anew

the post title ... sounds almost like a french name or something, but it's actually a feeling. For nearly 3 weeks before Christmas I was so excited about the smallest of things. the right ornament placed here. a pretty bauble set there. twinkling lights. festive music. ribbons. digging out holiday recipes. special visits. extra family time. I was brimming with warm fuzzies 24-7. Along the way an email arrived and with great anticipation I opened it up. Seeing it was more lengthly than just a season's greetings made my heart beat a little faster. A tiny voice inside cheered gleefully. But as I began to read the words, the joy melted away to an overwhelming feeling of emptiness and I started to cry. I wanted to counter some of the words and question others. I wanted to know more and hurt less. It was not the Christmas present that one would wish for afterall. And the sadness lingered. and lingered longer yet. until I realized that it was not my sadness that was dawdling .... but rather the sadness I felt for the author. I tried to imagine how difficult it must have been to put the words out there. I still feel an ache when I think about the email, but I am coming to terms with the fact that sometimes there's no way to heal another's pain. at times, it's too late for explanations that might lead to understanding. particularly when the reason or source of the pain is gone. I wish I knew the right words or had the answers (I am known to often have an answer for everything). But I don't. And while I have great empathy .... I will eventually be less tender on the subject I suppose. sympathise without obsessing you might say.

And tonight, pleasantly exhausted ..... after a heavy day of housecleaning, a fish N chips refresher from our fav place that's always closed between turkey day & Santa's coming out party every year, a piece of pie that sounded amazing but was slightly over-rated, a movie that was sweet but probably meant for someone 40+ years younger than I, and the anticipation of seeing 2 of my favorite people tomorrow ..... has me feeling that feelin' again and I am relishing it & welcoming it with open arms. I am (I say with with a fuzzy heart) elated anew and loving it!