ABUSE

this word has been laying heavy on my mind lately. OBVIOUSLY due to recent events that are considered top news. It's not like it's new news ..... but for some reason- this Mel Gibson thing is really bringing up some raw memories of my own. I guess the difference between the Tina Turner story of many years ago, or the Rihanna stories and this thing is .... we weren't in "the audience" of what's going on before. It was a movie, a picture, a storyline (not to make it any less abusive or real, mind you). This .... well this is like you're watching or listening to it unfold from the house next door. I don't know why.
He appears so out of control .... and she .... well- THIS is where I come in. I was "there" once. I was her. And by once I mean at one time in my life- NOT that it was only 1 time. Verbal abuse starts subtly I think. And for me, always in private- perhaps to avoid witnesses. This person- who's name I rarely utter because it STILL evokes a sick feeling in my stomach- would start with unkind comments, move on to descriptive remarks & if I wasn't already physically upset- continued with "colorful" explanations of what I lacked, why I had no friends, why "everybody" this & "nobody" that ..... with regard to me. Once I broke down ..... he would wander off triumphantly. MUCH, I suppose, like a bully does. In the early stages, I could think of reasons for his behavior. stressful work, long hours, issues with his family. yatta, yatta These instances were few & far between so it was possible to heal in between. (who's kidding who?) AND- within minutes of them happening, he was calm & loving (?) & considerate. He would ask why I was sad or depressed, I would open up & ask why he said such things to me & he would be puzzled as to why I thought he would say such things .... as if he didn't even remember the ugliness of it all. Eventually these times weren't so few & there was NOT enought time between to feel healed. I began getting numb to his words. The uglier his words got, the more I tuned out. Then one day- he pushed me. At that moment, in my own way of pushing back, I used a 2 word phrase that has never been a fav of mine & no sooner had the words left my lips & I knew ..... this was the last time I would go thru this. The next day, I told him so.
soooooo, I think this is nagging at me because there is such an "out of control" edge to Mr Gibson's voice. I listened to only seconds (the Rosie Show) & the face I saw was not even his. This is not Britney Spears or Lyndsey Lohan here .... this is an adult. No excuses for not having the right parenting or peers surrounding him ..... this man needs help before he does something to himself or the Ex. I don't know if the excerps that are being pimped are actually all from one conversation or from many, but I hope there is an intervention SOON. I was one of the lucky ones. The emotional scars are barely visable now. My Captain has to apply a bandaid now & again (thank you my hubby), but I am nearly whole & mostly all the time. I hope anyone reading this KNOWS their own value & has never, or will never have to deal with such things themselves!!