I wish I may, I wish I might ....

I'm sitting on my lanai, bathed in the warmth of the patio heater ... adjusted just low enough to keep the coastal coolness at bay. For a just a little bit longer.  It's a beautiful evening ... with the sky full of stars and a quietness that settles in beginning around this time.  The boys are watching a movie together, but my mind is a jumble and I'm having trouble just sitting to enjoy it with them.  There are things "in the air" tonight that have me a little unsettled at the moment.  Things I hope will be resolved in a way more positive than they are being presented thus far.  And only time can provide answers to my troubled questions.  There is a prevailing sadness looming and I'm not ready to deal with it or accept it.  It's a sign that there are things we don't have control over.  It's a sign that "time" has it's own agenda.  It's a sign (all too soon again) that life is only a temporary state of existance.  My concern may be premature .... and I hope that to be the case, but my experience from the past has been that I am better at fearing the worst and being ever-so-pleased when it doesn't happen.  It's my emotional defense mechanism.  Caught totally unprepared, I don't cope as well.  Even now, rather than dwell, I think I will bed down my computer and just appreciate what I love most about this moment .... the trickling waterfall  a few feet away, an occassional frog croak, & Michael Buble playing thru Pandora.  ummm