what dreams may come .....

Sirbil mentioned his dream of the other night ... about how Mom Betty encouraged him to come with her.  The surroundings were someplace they had visited together a very long time ago.  (probably 50 yrs back!)  It's the first time he's told me about a dream where he actually went with her.  Before- he's seen her or seen a situation ... but not actually gone with her.  If one is to interpret this literally, it's pretty obvious ... but is there more to it?  Pa is, indeed, struggling these days.  What was once the simplist of tasks is exhausting, if even possible.  I can only imagine what he might be thinking about in those times I see him staring off into space.  When I look over & he's holding his head in his hands.  Perhaps thinking about all the "use it or lose it" lectures when he was able to do most anything he wanted, but didn't like putting the effort into it- & probably wishing we'd just leave him alone.  It doesn't seem all that long ago when he would drive off to the grocery store on his own & I would give him a bad time about the contents of his Scolari's bag.  candy, cookies, muffins, ice cream, soda, 2 bananas & and apple. Does he wish he'd have been a little more diligent with his physical therapy & breathing exercises?  I don't know.  Has he instead, hastened his departure from our company, subconsciously or not?  I don't know.  Is mom tugging at him? 
I really don't know.
What do I know?  I know he is tired.  I know he is tired of being tired.  I know he's a little scared.  Not of what is ultimate ... but of the how & when.  I would be.  I know we have a lot of great memories of his time alone with him these 5 years +.  I know he's a good man who's done a lot of good things.  I know he misses mom desperately (and vise versa).  I know we've done a pretty good job of showing him how cherished he is to us.  These things I know.
What happens next?  Once again, I don't know.  I can't answer the questions he is beginning to raise, though sometimes by unspoken word.  I know I love him dearly.  I know that he knows this.
But there is much I do not know .... and like him, it scares me a little too.