I cannot tell a lie ... this is NOT fun! In fact I should be a little more direct by saying it's a miserable way to spend more hours of the day than not. But it is not without purpose. Or so I'm told. I would have to think that in order to feel this yucky - this 2nd round of chemo premium grade MUST BE doing something. But what? demolition? I hope so. It is ... easier (so far) than the first time around ... I admit, but unpredictable. The fleeting moments when I a-l-m-o-s-t feel good are difficult to appreciate because they come & go without much warning, and yet .... if I don't find some solace in them ... the war will have it's victim without much of a fight.
I have joked about being less than lucky when it comes to winning contests, or raffles. I proclaimed that if there were 1- prizes and only 9 participants, I would still lose! And yet ... low & behold ... in the cancer lottery ... who comes up with the winning(?) ticket? Yours truly. Yippee .... NOT! I have yet to go through the "why me" angle of figuring this thing out. Frankly, what difference would it make anyway. But it is a burning question within me of "why now"? I didn't need it to put my life back on track, to remind me of what I have to be thankful for, to remind me to stop & smell the roses. I was already doing all of that.
I don't expect any answers .... because I don't believe there are any. It just gives me the occasional pause to ..... ponder.
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