Family dynamics and the joy of doing it "BIG"

Our Thanksgiving "weekend" started  5 days ago … and it hasn't ended yet.

The festivities began with the trickling in of family members… first within the household, soon migrating to local campgrounds and hotels.  By turkey eve, we teetered on the precipice of double digits and when we sat down for pie noon on Thursday … we numbered 18.  To make a word problem of it (as granddaughter Addy works on her 1st grade homework) … we lost 2 on Thursday evening but as of this evening we are up by 4 ='ing  20!!  It's safe to say that the 20# turkey left little for the midnight cravings I'd envisioned in the fridge… but we have enough side dishes to cover ANY main meal we choose to throw together for a week.  The garage is filled with groceries and ice chests… desserts are fair game 24-7, and the front door is revolving beginning about 9am and ending roughly 11pm- UNTIL tonight, when a poker game or LRC is likely to be our main attraction and all limits are to the wind.
As I document our goings on, there is lasagne in the oven, salad tossed, and garlic bread being basted.  A nerf war ensues outside, a puzzle sits in it's completed glory- centerpiece to the living room, and I am in my craft studio … pondering.
The house is filled with a high decibel noise level and ever-running feet.  The doors have slammed too many times to count.  I have washed loads of dirty towels and mop cloths from fingerprint & footprint cleanups.  The counters sit cluttered and the furniture is in disarray.  There are recyclables in the trash can & trash in the recycle bin.  Toilet seats are left up, faucets left dribbled upon.  Plants have been trampled, yard art toppled.  Dozens of lights are burning at the same time.  I hear belches, and …. (TMI)   I smell cigar smoke and hear washers bouncing off car bumpers.  The teens are texting in lieu of talking.  The aroma of beer lofts heavily in the air.  Shopping bags fill every nook and cranny.  NEW knicks adorn the wood flooring.  Glass top tables are decorated with a collection of cup rings & used napkins.
And there is more to come …. nearly 2 more days of it!!
BUT

…. there is NO PLACE I can think of that I would rather be ….  I am a bit over tired, I am a little edgy from time to time, I've had a few tender moments when I have come to tears…
BUT
This has (perhaps) been the most amazing Thanksgiving I have ever had.  (and I have had a lot of good ones)  I attribute this to my wonderful & supportive hubby who's put up with my anxiety leading up to it and all my family who are THE REASON for this weekend. Everyone has pitched in on so many levels to make it just what it is…..
PRICELESS
I love you, I love you, I love you

luck is in the eye of the beholder... and I am "beholding"

I have never been one to trust in the powers (if you will) of a rabbit foot or horse shoe, etc .... but there are a couple of trinkets that I am RARELY without these days.  Things that I feel lucky to have, not because they bring me luck.
The way I see it ... being diagnosed with any cancer, much less an incurable one- is not a lucky break in any sense of the word.  BUT- not having died from it yet (5 mos), after having taken care of my father-in-law diagnosed & succumbed to the same, less than 2 mos from his diagnosis ... could be considered lucky. Knowing my life will be cut short by some imminent amount of time certainly doesn't seem lucky by measure. But knowing this fact, I can find a little or lotta something(s) to make each day count.  I can live until I die- rather than die before I really finished living!

My sand dollar necklace came with a card noting how each is one of a kind & special in it's unique-ness. My Sister, Cindy, gifted me with it to remind me of that fact.  I put it on that day & it has never left me since.  I especially like that it doesn't tangle with any of my other necklaces that I love wearing daily.
I received this medallion within days of my diagnosis by the person I first told of my suspicions of what turned out to be fact.  I out it in my bra within minutes and wore it to every appointment for the next 3 weeks and upon receiving bad news at or from every test or appointment, I stopped carrying it- til I realized (or decided, as it may be) that it was more about how lucky I am to have such a wonderful, caring, & thoughtful friend & neighbor in my life as Julie is.  She is one of the 2 people I KNOW I can routinely call, text, or email at most any hour if I need moral support or a quick hug.... as they are just a moment away!!
   SO YES- I am beholding to the fact that I am lucky in ways far & beyond winning a contest or catching a foul ball, or even being in the right place at the right time.  I am MUCH LUCKIER than that!!

Disneyland in a whole new light ...

We checked into the hotel and expected the same 2 room suite that we had a couple of weeks ago... but it's current occupant decided to stay an extra night, and we were "assured" we would like this room even more!
I'm not sure about that... but I had to laugh when I found the results of Anthony's busy work!  In HIS ROOM (complete with a full bathroom & TV) ... he had unpacked his suitcase & put his clothes in the drawers.
He put his shower bag in the bathroom, the shampoo & soap on his tub, toothbrush & paste on the counter... lotion, allergy meds, etc laid out strategically.
And as you can see- he set out his PJ's as well.

He moved the side table over to the couch to create his own work space for the homework he'll be doing while kidnapped from school  (is this the sign of OCD, an organizer, a designer, or professional furniture mover??)


Anthony and the Captain (AKA grampa) decided that to get the picture on his Disney pass this afternoon would likely save time tomorrow when we are all raring to get into the park to play... so off they went while I took a nap.  It was a couple hours and 3 miles later before they returned with dinner ... but with a park map & game plan in mind for tomorrow.
My little munchkin is starting to fade now ... resisting as best he can, but not wanting to give up the fight just yet.

This chicklet makes me smile (and cry sometimes) and I know the next few days with him are going to be precious & memorable.

LUCKY ME !!!

make today LONG, tomorrow ... maybe not so much

The Captain ... in his typical nature to please... made today- another one to remember.  With breakfast behind us and the entire day ready to unfold, he suggested  a trolley, a walk, a ferry ride, lunch, window shopping, more walking, another ferry ride, another trolly ride, some additional walking, & a relaxed supper while tucked in our cozy B&B.  Since tomorrow promises to be stressful (to put it lightly), we needed (& deserved) to put it on the BACK burner!!
 IT WORKED
... the weather was dede-lightful, with lunch at the Spinnaker- where we used to dine 3-4 times a year when we lived up this way (& haven't even laid eyes on for at least 7 years!).  This man of mine is a people pleaser to put it lightly- but he will go LONG lengths to ease my pain of mind & body.  WITH A SMILE ON HIS FACE!!

The entire day was wonderful (and he sorta had to talk me into such an active day to begin with)  One thing that we found particularly interesting was the fog that started heading toward SF as we ferry'd across the bay to Sausalito.  At one point, it completely enveloped the towers of the Golden Gate bridge.... and reminded us of "The Fog" ... a movie made in this area ... that looked a LOT like today's weather activity.  It was pretty fascinating to see The City disappear into the massive marshmallow fluff !!
    As for tomorrow.... it may be a great deal more difficult to wave his magic wand & make the real world go away, but I have no doubt that he will try.  But for this point in time, I am    NOT going to let it take up the space in my thoughts (as my sister would say).  I have just finished a short skinny vanilla  latte alongside a couple of mini almond biscotti .... and feeling pleasantly fatigued from a significant amount of walking.  It's a matter of minutes before I connect on FB with my friend & confidante (Lo) ... and then I'll be crawling into bed with the man who tries to make every day count.  We will chat a bit about the day, turn down the lights to read our kindles, then fall into what I pray is a restful & pain free night's sleep.  And tomorrow??  Well ... we'll just wait til it deserves our time & focus.

the perks of sisters being friends

My sisters and I have always routinely kept "in touch" - but my recent diagnosis has stepped up our interaction nearly 10 fold, simply because we all know the time we have left together, is limited.  We talk about it openly, with and without tears via phone, face time, text & email- knowing that there is also another plan to gather in person as well.  We've talked long and hard about how we feel about each other and make sure nothing goes unsaid. Along the way, we have found even more things in common than we realized.  AND I- have learned to ask for what I want, & to be more comfortable with asking for help.  They have encouraged it all along.  They have been at my beck & call numerous times.  They have found MANY ways to show how much they love me and .... they have proven that they are as much my friends as they are my siblings.  This doesn't come as a surprise to be, as I have always considered them so- but I find that they have managed to become part of my inner circle- all at the same time!  The beauty (and perk if you will) of sisters being friends is that there is less sense of obligation.  And now, I am finding- less feeling of guilt when I call out to them.  A couple of weeks ago, my sister Cindy was my sidekick and this weekend, it was my sister Lisa.  When I asked if she would come ... there was no hesitation... just as I found to be the case with Cindy.  And my sister Lindy is already signed, sealed and ready for delivery in a few days.  I know what I ask of them is inconvenient or costly at times and yet- they immediately make the necessary plans so that I am comforted knowing they will soon be with me.  That's not just family... that's a whole lotta friendship happening!  So- with Foo's arrival (Lisa) ... so cometh that which I have given her every year for nearly the past 10.  a moose.  And not just any moose.  A moose of my choosing, in whatever form I deem to be "the one" for each time around.  I've gone as far as moose lip balm, slippers, or carved in wood ... to the adorable fella you see here.  He was named LINCOLN and low & behold- he was quite a hit on their train ride home!!  
    I face an uncertain, drastically shortened life that has brought them to me on a more regular basis, of that I'm sure .... but I can tell you this;  had I asked sooner, they would have come sooner, because that's the kind of sisters AND FRIENDS they are, and I am so much richer, happier, and blessed because of it!!
Sissys unite!  I love you all.  

decisions, deadlines, & dreams

life's simple pleasures aren't quite as simple as they used to be.  I've never denied being spoiled my the Captain.  when something isn't working, if I can't figure something out, if I need help, the Captain is there... often without even being asked.  but these days- even HE is at a loss to "fix" things.  there are times he shakes his head in dismay, frustrated over the package we've been delivered.  he's remained stronger than I ever imagined possible.  he's a constant source of support and love.  I've had to apologize a few times for my impatience and frustration that I take out on him without intent.  he's got a lot on his shoulders these days.  keeping me as safe & happy as humanly possible seems to be his purpose in life.  his promise to stay by my side in sickness & in health is unwavering and I have to make sure I refill his heart with as many I love yous as I can fit into a single day!  He asks for very little and gives so very much.  there are very few days in these past 17 years that I haven't wondered how I ever got so lucky to have him in my life.
my captain .... you ARE my knight in VERY shining armor!!  I love & adore you.

Christmas is NEXT month!

and I proved it today- by actually talking about it and doing some mental decorating (I have several sets of themed decorations).  The fact that my day & space & thoughts were be co-managed by sister Cindy had a great deal to do with it, as we ventured out for some retail therapy.  The time table & destinations were up to me ... the commentary, outbursts of laughter and driving were Cindy's department ... and 4 hours later, we had a couple reusable bags full off stuff, some household staples and a filling lunch to show for our endeavors!  Though it may appear to be back-tracking, tomorrow we will be talking about Thanksgiving!  We have much to plan, so it's a good thing the clocks are due to be turned back  to allow us an extra hour to do so.  I can't help but hope there will also be some shred of news that will allow that day to truly be a day of thanks..... but we have steps to take before we can even wish.  For now- it's time to pack up the goblins and pull out the gobblers !!  Captain... haul out those decoration boxes for the change over please.

miss you mom ... just not "that" much (yet)

and so it goes .... with a few more travel brochures yet to browse through .... I have yet to pack my things for the journey.  I have another weather report to check on tomorrow.... then we'll know if the price is right.
I love you mom, and I miss you a great deal... but I'm so busy here that I'd hoped to put off the travel for at least a year.  Let me see if there is a compromise of sort that would work out better for all of us and I will get back to you!

today's emotional weather was better than forecasted!

I am 10 months into the 11th anniversary of my 39th birthday, and I JUST met my family.
You can grab your calculator to figure out my age but frankly, it has very little to do with the importance of this day.
And it almost didn't happen.
A few days ago, the Captain and I were invited to a Peachee family gathering.
I've never been to one, though I AM a Peachee.
I was gently urged to attend by the host, my Aunt Betty.... and gently encouraged by the Captain- but I didn't commit to either.
Until this morning.
Once pointed in the direction of Southern Cal, I busied myself with phone calls, magazines, & my IPAD ..... but my mind occasionally wandered off to our destination and I questioned what I might be getting myself into.  Without the luxury of time on my side ... do I need another emotional commitment, and could I even make one at all?  I didn't come up with an answer while on the road, and after spending just under 3 hours with virtual strangers- I was still no closer to an answer.  BUT- the Captain reminded me I didn't need to decide then, or now, or even tomorrow ... because it won't change the fact that they are INDEED family ... and if they are worthy of me, or vise versa .... they will still be family regardless of what I am able to bring to the table (or not)
I can choose to carry the disappointment of not being the chosen daughter, or I can look to these (very gracious) people I shared time with today- as new friends in my life.
And I for one, have always agreed that you can NEVER have too many friends!

family ties

I have never made it a secret that I watch some of the Real Housewives programs.  I'm not a closet viewer, even though I gently justify -when the captain teases me about it.  On rare occasion, there are tender, thought provoking moments.  In a recent episode, a "housewife" went to visit her family.  Candidly, she was a fish out of water.  She claims that she doesn't connect with her Texas planted family, and that she knew when she was in high school that she would not stay in the small town of Waco- and she moved away the day after she graduated.  This woman is a multi millionaire and her family are good ole, down-to-earth boys (r-e-a-l people).  For her, the distance between her life & theirs (speaking logistically) is a relief.  She cares about them (and generously contributes to the local school programs, etc) ... but she doesn't identify with them and therefore, it is a lot of emotional work to be with them.
One can't help but be comparative while watching these programs... and I am no exception.  One of my "excuses" for my semi-addiction to these formats is that they are #1 not r-e-a-l, and therefore ... TOTALLY different from my life, making them entertaining!  In this case ... the idea of removing myself from the lives of my sisters (ie) by thousands of miles (or anything else for that matter) ... is unimaginable to me.  During retirement discussions years ago to move away- the deciding element came down to NOT wanting to be that far away from family, unless we we all had the ability to travel at will to visit each other.  DUH.  The electronic era has provided us with the ability to chat, share, post, blog, and alert at any hour of the day from anywhere in the world (and we have) and rarely a day goes by without communication from one or more of us in different combinations or configurations.  I am thankful beyond words... particularly at this junction in my life ... that we can go without sharing physical space and still be connected at the hip (or heart as the case may be).
ENTER today ....
There is family .... far removed- that is holding out for an appearance from me.  I've yet to come to grips with this new information.  I'm not sure I have the emotional (or physical) strength for what could be a let down or entanglement. I'm looking for a sign of the direction to turn at this crossroad.  Time will tell I suppose (doesn't it always?)
but ... I do believe that water can be pretty thick sometimes.

TRYING to kick summer to the curb!

IN ANTICIPATION ... or perhaps more of a wishful thinking situation ... we have officially kicked off the fall holidays with our "viewing" of Hocus Pocus this evening ... and I am searching for the perfect stew recipe while I'm sitting still!  The evenings have begun to cool ... but not nearly enough for me to feel like autumn has arrived.  But I'm optimistic that it's just around the corner, and I want to be ready!!
I have some medical obligations first thing in the morning, but I hope to then tour the local apple groves and pumpkin patch for a few dozen snapshots!  Then we gotta get back to catch up on all the life that went on while we were on vacation!  I still have a few things to accomplish before I am subject to limited ability!  During that time .. I have a new ukulele to keep me company, and about 40 recorded hours on the DVR!  
RIGHT NOW, I have a few more recipes to jot down!!  Mind over matter... mind over matter

if you could see what I see...

the skies in Hawaii are not often clear at night.  In this climate, there are usually clouds of some type 24/7.  My comment to the Captain as we were watching 6 ays 7 nights- was that "the skies are NEVER full of stars like that".  (it was filmed on Kauai)
I was wrong.
At 5:40 this morning, the sky was black as coal... and magnificently sprinkled with diamonds of the finest quality.
hundreds of them.  WOW ... audibly, I murmured the word.  and again WOW.
I stood at the railing in awe of something I have never seen before, and might never see again.  At this hour, in this place.  It was dead silent, save for an oversized wave break.  Even the roosters seem to be mum in it honor.

And now, as the impending sunrise pulls gently at the darkness ... the stars are fading and a golden glow begins to spread... slow like honey.  The sounds of morning begin to pierce the serenity of my lanai. A pretty little bird song that I hear only in the early morn, the occasional passing car.  Smells are rising from lower units ... breakfast aromas are over-riding the dewiness.  In the distance I see lights of a tug heading into the bay, a breeze is forming-urging the palm trees to sashay from side to side, and my coffee (choc-coconut) has cooled.

It is my final day here on Kauai .... within a couple of hours, the day will turn to hustle & bustle.  I will be rubbing elbows with others who's time in paradise has come to an all-too-soon ending.  I, am lucky enough to be "going" to another paradise.  My beach house.  My paradise in a sweatshirt.  The place where I will find welcoming pets, FEOTS and a very comfy bed!!

ALOHA sweet Kauai.... for now.