remembered but NOT celebrated

Many, MANY people across the United States are likely thinking about the same thing today. The tragic. As I readied for work on that fateful morning & passed the TV, sound turned low- I walked by the scene being played out ... then stepped backward in my own footprints .... mouth agape, realizing it was a live newscast. I stood, paralyzed in confusion, transfixed to the screen, as the 2nd plane hit the tower. My knees weakened. I steadied myself against the footboard of our bed and tears made paths down my face.
That day is real in my mind and yet shrouded in fog. Disbelief, followed by fear, then overwhelming sadness ... the cycle repeating many times throughout the day. I was the first into work & immediately switched on the TV in the breakroom. Every voice heard as the environment filled with workers, spoke of the hijackings and there were constant updates from those pulling info up on computers or watching the broadcasts. By the end of that day, exhaustion was the physical reminder. I was immensely thankful that all of my family & friends were alive & well ... and feeling almost guilty for that blessing.
We travelled by plane less than 2 weeks later & there were moments of anxiety & trepidation for me. Time passes & the immediate threat lessens .... fades from thought for days at a time, but I hope to never forget this tragic & unforgivable event. Much has happened since that time- in the name of defense, safety, perhaps even retribution .... that are equally as calamitious. Trust, tolerance, & innocence lost. For me- there are moments of fear that I can cope with, but on those days when I feel hope slipping from my heart & soul .... I am most afraid of all. The thought of what my kids or grandkids may have to endure due to the state of the world, can be debilitating if I allow. A great sadness comes over me during these thoughts.
Not unlike today, I have a great respect & appreciation for those who fight & defend against the evils faced by our country. They are the brave souls that sacrifice on a daily basis and we can NEVER repay them for that service. As a proud American, I shame those who cannot support the troops. I don't always agree with the choices that send them into peril- but the fact that they do so on my behalf, makes them deserving of our respect on the highest level. I hope everyone gives that (at least) a thought today, in observance of this date each year. God Bless America, those lost in it's name, & those still strong & brave enough in their beliefs that I am able to share my thoughts at this moment!