tricks, treats & a side of jiberish ....

I woke up briefly at 3:33 ... and made a deal with "myself" that if I was still talking to "myself" in 10 minutes, I would get up & do something, rather than lay there and think about the fact that I am awake and still laying there!  read on the kindle, take my turn at WWF, Scramble, or Draw Something .. all of which were at my drousy fingertips.  I won (?) that battle, but re-entered the game about 45 minutes later. I lay there initially in the quiet shroud of darkness, listening to the intercom that sits a couple of feet away, noting the shallow but consistant patter of Pa's breathing & as if someone was thinking of me at that very moment ... another patter began.  raindrops.  How I love the sound of it on the skylights.  and I smiled.  Smiles have been infrequent in this last 24 hours ... and that's unusual in this household.  I've grown accustomed to at least one full belly laugh a day.  I miss it.  With Pa so close to "take off"  that he's about to fasten his seatbelt- the lower level of our home is feeling a little empty already.  The oxy machine is silent, as is the TV.  His Kindle sits, fully charged & recently "gifted" with a few new novels.  His email is monitored by the Capt in his stead, & there are chilled fruit cups & cans of ginger ale sitting impatiently & undisturbed.  Even in his declining health- this was not the case 72 hours ago!  and here I sit, waiting for the fatigue of my body to connect to the alertness of my brain ... or vise versa.  Little Kitty is perched on the threshold of Pa's room, her ears rotating to take in the sounds that come from within.  She wants to come & take advantage of my vacant lap & yet something holds her back.  A moment or two from now, she will show up at the alternate entry ... with a look on her face that urges me to explain to her why things "feel" different.  Pa's breathing takes on a new rhythm and I look over to see if he is awake, perhaps dreaming, or drifting further away .... but I cannot tell in this dim light- so I reach over and lay my hand on his arm.  perhaps he knows I'm here for him.  perhaps not. 
Sleep softly papa ... but feel free to slip away in the darkness if you like.  Know that by first light you could be walking in the warm sunshine alongside your sweetheart.  holding hands.  smiling.  happy. I love you.