a chapter revisited .... a decade later

I stand now, on the precipice of the newest chapter in my life, and I DO realize, it's not like somewhere "no man has gone before".  But it's a change, not necessarily planned for ... til now.  It IS a chapter visited before, now up for renewal due to the all too recent passing of our beloved SirBil.  For better understanding, let me first recap this past 13 years ... (in a nutshell ?) .... It began with a household of 3.  The Capt, myself & daughter 17 yr old Vanessa.  Trials & tribulations visited occassionally, but nothing out of the ordinary when there's a teenager on the premises!  Her time came to find other living arrangements and we began honeymooning again, just about the time the Capt's company moved the bulk of operations to the valley.  Within a few weeks, he was working there 4 days a week & home for a 3 day weekend.  I was working near full time & it was pretty easy to keep myself occupied with my job, Mission Valley Chorus, Fizzz quarteting, & a new kitty (make that 2).  That was the norm for a couple of years, & it worked just fine.  Then we bought our home here ... a little unexpectedly, and I made a 3/4 move, while the Capt was still working in Sac, allowing him only a 2/7th move- he was away 8-9 days straight, then usually home for 4.  I worked 3 days a week out of town, then enjoyed our new home for the balance ... with well over 50% of that time ... by myself, for about 2 years.  BUT IT STILL WORKED.  A sudden loss of Mom Betty, resulted in moving Pa here lickety split.  By this time, I had secured a PT job locally.  SirBil was pretty active in those days.  grocery shopping, walking about the neighborhood, caring for the kittys, reading at the park, hitting the library, even a drive to explore the area.  And the 2 of us fell into a gentle routine together, while the Capt's schedule brought him home every other weekend as usual.  THEN the (yippee) time came around when Ken officially retired.  MANY people warned me (kiddingly or not) that we weren't used to being together full time, & it would be a transition for us.  And it was.  Life went from good to good-er!  And the 3 of us travelled a little, enjoyed our days on the beach, & dinner every night.  It was comfortable.  It felt right.  Occassionally, the Capt & I would take time to ourselves for a few days away.  A couple of years ago- Pa's health & age was catching up with him & we were spending a lot of time in Drs' offices, physical therapy appts and ... hospitals as well.  During that time, we were grateful to have a couple of months without medical incident.  With a lot of encouragement (ok, a little nagging too)- he pulled through & even improved significantly for a time.  With the support of friends & family, the Capt & I still had the opportunity for some time to ourselves here & there.  Then, a particular hospital stay burst our lucky bubble & kicked his butt ..... demanding our constant supervision of his daily activity and diet.  Our routine was based on his needs & we didn't leave him alone for more than an hour or 2- much less an overnighter.  His mobility was seriously threatened and he was relying on his scooter or the wheelchair  for 50% of the time we had him out. But we kept on encouraging him & kept on cheering him on & making plans with him.  But then the bomb hit at the end of April- in the form of a terminal diagnosis, keeping one or both of us home & with him 24-7.  At times, we were a little frustrated.  At times we clung to each other.  But it worked too ... for what it was.  And now- we are starting into a chapter of our lives that we haven't experienced for almost 10 years .... just the 2 of us, living together -full time.  In this time of immense sadness over losing our "roomy", the Capt & I are seeking an avenue toward the bright days we have ahead of us... our togetherness, alone.  We are going to grab this brass ring with our fists and relish every moment- because if we have learned nothing else from the past, we know that we only get each day, ONCE .... making every day important enough to spend it wisely, in joy, & with someone(s) you love & care about.  I hope this is a  r-e-a-l-l-y  LONG chapter!